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Jamesy
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03 Jul 2013, 10:59 am

I have friend with Asperger's and he told me the other day that his dad said something to him (in regards to his Asperger's) along of the lines of "the older you are getting the worse you are becoming" and "it his becoming more obvious to people"

In a little more detail what do you think his dad meant? My friend is a little younger than me ( 22 years old)



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03 Jul 2013, 11:07 am

Probably because it's normal for a lot of younger teenagers to be withdrawn and have social issues but many will flourish into social butterflies but for people with aspergers/autism it's a continuous battle and there's more factors/symptoms to deal with too. So that it's "Oh he's shy" could turn into "Oh he's weird" or "He seems arrogant". Just from my experience anyway.

The good news is if he keeps himself busy with things to keep his self-esteem up and works on his social skills here and there, he will probably gradually improve, learning how to cope with things is one of the battles, it's good if he has a friend/support system anyway because his dad's criticism doesn't sound too helpful.



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03 Jul 2013, 11:17 am

I would say that correlation doesn't necessarily mean causation. (So, just because he happens to be getting older and functioning worse at the same time doesn't mean that one is caused by the other.) If he isn't functioning as well as he usually does, there's likely some other reason. Now, as you get older, life changes, new responsibilities are thrown at you, etc, and those things can cause an apparent change in how well a person copes. The appropriate thing, then, would be to find out what has changed in his life, what is making things harder for him, and to help him to learn new ways to cope, so that he can go back to living in a way that makes him happy. (of course, this is only one example of what may be the reason.)

Also, I've found this article helpful.

(Help! I seem to be getting more autistic!)
http://americanaspergers.forumotion.net ... ic-article

Honestly, though, with the "it is becoming more obvious to more people" comment from his dad, his father seems frustrated, and like in his frustration maybe he is trying to shame your friend a bit into "acting better." Pretty counterproductive.


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Callista
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03 Jul 2013, 11:20 am

Let's see... several possibilities.

--His dad's perception of him is changing; he is actually more or less the same.
--More demands are being placed on him, so that it's more obvious that he is falling behind.
--He's stressed out and not coping well.
--A comorbid mental illness is compromising his ability to function.
--His environment is not very good for him to work with.
--He is being told that he cannot do things, or having things done for him, or having contact with people who think he cannot do things; and as a result he has not been doing things that he can do for himself.
--He is becoming more comfortable with who he is, increasing in confidence and self-esteem, and is no longer being driven by anxiety into hiding his AS traits.
--He has decided that he would rather not act like an NT, and has become more eccentric as a way to reaffirm his own identity.
--He is becoming more aware of his own differences and more accepting of them, and may deliberately do things "the autistic way" (ex., stimming to help calm himself down) because he knows these things work for him.
--It is a real regression--rare, especially with AS, but possible.


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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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03 Jul 2013, 11:36 am

School is more cut-and-dry and straightforward. Work is more about goofy standards of fitting in. Now, you still want to be a steady eddie worker and a low-key positive builder. But even that isn't always appreciated.

And with your friend being 22 and the major economic downturn occurring in 2008, your friend has never known a healthy economy as an adult. Doesn't mean don't try. But it is even more of a numbers game than it used to be.



Jamesy
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03 Jul 2013, 11:52 am

Callista wrote:
Let's see... several possibilities.

--His dad's perception of him is changing; he is actually more or less the same.
--More demands are being placed on him, so that it's more obvious that he is falling behind.
--He's stressed out and not coping well.
--A comorbid mental illness is compromising his ability to function.
--His environment is not very good for him to work with.
--He is being told that he cannot do things, or having things done for him, or having contact with people who think he cannot do things; and as a result he has not been doing things that he can do for himself.
--He is becoming more comfortable with who he is, increasing in confidence and self-esteem, and is no longer being driven by anxiety into hiding his AS traits.
--He has decided that he would rather not act like an NT, and has become more eccentric as a way to reaffirm his own identity.
--He is becoming more aware of his own differences and more accepting of them, and may deliberately do things "the autistic way" (ex., stimming to help calm himself down) because he knows these things work for him.
--It is a real regression--rare, especially with AS, but possible.




Remarkable how intolerant NTs are of autistic behaviour huh?