Asperger's father loses almost all access to his children

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

LennytheWicked
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2011
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 562

18 Jul 2013, 1:07 pm

Some of the father's behavior was inappropriate - mostly the leaving his son alone in the cot. Taking his children physically out of class was also inappropriate; he should have called the school instead. My parents gave me "the talk" at around the same age and school gave us "the other talk" about puberty in the 5th grade. Allowing his son to hit him, provided he didn't hit back, is his prerogative.

That the social workers or mother's lawyer used asperger's as an actual reason offends me. The fact that they cited a lack of empathy offends me even more - especially since that just isn't true.

I don't see why his punishment isn't to take parenting classes; that's more constructive than just preventing him from seeing his kids.



Meistersinger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,709
Location: Beautiful(?) York Township PA

21 Jul 2013, 10:21 pm

BuyerBeware wrote:
Thank God this diagnosis wasn't well-known back in the '90s.

My mom's parents would have been more than happy to use it when my dad ended up with custody of me.

If they'd raised me for another six years, I really would have been up sh** creek.

Nevertheless-- leaving one kid in the crib while you take the other one to daycare is pretty f***ing stupid. Statistically speaking, it might be safer...

...but it doesn't take a neurotypical to realize that people are going to sh** bricks...

...or that it is, frankly, not a good idea.


I don't have enough information to make a decision one way or the other. Besides, it's none of my business.


_________________
I'm back, for the time being. Any one who even attempts to rip me a new rear end because of my opinions will find themselves reported to administration. Anyone on my Foes list that replies to my posts will automatically be reported for harassment. You have been warned.


YoshiPikachu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2009
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 720
Location: Minnesota

25 Jul 2013, 4:18 pm

LennytheWicked wrote:
Some of the father's behavior was inappropriate - mostly the leaving his son alone in the cot. Taking his children physically out of class was also inappropriate; he should have called the school instead. My parents gave me "the talk" at around the same age and school gave us "the other talk" about puberty in the 5th grade. Allowing his son to hit him, provided he didn't hit back, is his prerogative.

That the social workers or mother's lawyer used asperger's as an actual reason offends me. The fact that they cited a lack of empathy offends me even more - especially since that just isn't true.

I don't see why his punishment isn't to take parenting classes; that's more constructive than just preventing him from seeing his kids.



I agree!


_________________
Proud mother to toddler preschooler Hannah and toddler Joseph.


Drehmaschine
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Feb 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 795
Location: Bundesrepublik Deutschland

27 Jul 2013, 4:12 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
<--- Knows he would make a horrible parent so he declines to have kids.

I know, I would forget to feed them or give them a bath. :lol:



kabouter
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 212
Location: Sunny Australia

27 Jul 2013, 6:08 pm

This article seems to have syndicated to about every newspaper in Australia, but they all say the same thing. I expect that is because it is seen as an unexpected ruling.

The Judge seems quite reasonable from looking at previous decisions, she is a member of the Family Court and has presented papers at international conferences on the issue of caring for children.

There is an article in one of the parent association saying that they thought the decision was harsh.

To me it seems that his behaviour could have been better (mind you it was logical), but that his (ex)wife ambushed him with all negative stuff about aspergers.

Fights between parents for custody of children can get very dirty and very nasty. You don't know if this is the case, as we have very limited information with interesting highlights presented for publication.

Not an easy case.


_________________
"Blessed be the cracked, for they shall let in the light."
- Groucho Marx


YaxxbassDK
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 15 Dec 2010
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 18

28 Jul 2013, 4:50 am

I don't not think it's fair using that aspie label as an advantage to the get the custody of the child.

You should be judged your ability as a parent, which the follow clearly lacked. In that case it might be for the better, so i'm glad the mother did use the tool stereotyping. however the children still need need some time with someone they can call there father figure :wink:



equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 104,938
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

30 Jul 2013, 1:28 pm

My biggest fear is that this happens to me. :(


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ESKIMOS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


yelekam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jan 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 596

31 Jul 2013, 4:06 pm

I have read the article. The guy may be a nut, but I doubt that Asperger's is the cause. I can thinks of plenty of instances where neurotypical parents did things like that. There are parents who play favorites with there children. Hippies and other permissives often fail to discipline children and tolerate outrageous behaviors. I have cousin whose father taught him about sex when he was five. Atheists and Agnostics are intolerant toward the idea of their children learning scripture. The man's poor ability to raise his children is caused by the same incompetence that effects all sorts of parents.



Jonov
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 178

31 Jul 2013, 5:06 pm

yelekam wrote:
I have read the article. The guy may be a nut, but I doubt that Asperger's is the cause. I can thinks of plenty of instances where neurotypical parents did things like that. There are parents who play favorites with there children. Hippies and other permissives often fail to discipline children and tolerate outrageous behaviors. I have cousin whose father taught him about sex when he was five. Atheists and Agnostics are intolerant toward the idea of their children learning scripture. The man's poor ability to raise his children is caused by the same incompetence that effects all sorts of parents.


I agree, and as the son of a aspie mother I would love to have a word with this "psychologist", I could not have wished for a more loving, supporting and above all logical parent.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,728
Location: Pacific Northwest

01 Aug 2013, 12:03 pm

He didn't sound like a very good dad and did child neglect to an extent.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


Jonov
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 178

01 Aug 2013, 2:38 pm

League_Girl wrote:
He didn't sound like a very good dad and did child neglect to an extent.


He most certainly did not sound like a good dad, and I think the measures they are taking are justified, but I wonder if that truly was a result of him having autism or simply bad parenting in general, as it happens with a lot a people without any form of diagnosis.



grahamguitarman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2013
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 715

01 Aug 2013, 3:32 pm

The question I'm asking myself is this:

If this had been an NT father doing these things, would it have made the headlines in this way? I know of fathers who were much more useless as parents than this, but didn't make the newspapers!

I'm not saying that he didn't deserve to have his hours restricted, it sounds like it was a fair decision. And the fact that the judge reduced his hours by more than the mother requested, suggests that she was genuinely concerned for the children.

But I do worry that this is an attempt by the newspapers to tar Aspies with the bad parenting brush!


_________________
Autistic dad to an autistic boy and loving it - its always fun in our house :)

I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,728
Location: Pacific Northwest

01 Aug 2013, 4:43 pm

Jonov wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
He didn't sound like a very good dad and did child neglect to an extent.


He most certainly did not sound like a good dad, and I think the measures they are taking are justified, but I wonder if that truly was a result of him having autism or simply bad parenting in general, as it happens with a lot a people without any form of diagnosis.


Some people are bad parents because of their autism. But you're right anyone can be a bad parent. Not everyone is suited to be a parent and unfortunately you don't even know until you have kids. Some people know before hand if they will be a good parent or not so they either don't have any knowing they will be one or do have them knowing they will be a good one.

Then there are gray areas like s**t happens and the parent can do the best they can and can't meet all their kids needs or are forced to do something dangerous like leaving a kid home alone or using unlicensed day cares or hiring someone they don't know well to watch their kids or re using disposable diapers because they are struggling financially and can't find someone they know well to watch their kids or can't simply afford childcare. I wouldn't label them as bad parents. I would say they need family support and friends.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


Adamantium
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2013
Age: 1019
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,998
Location: Erehwon

07 Aug 2013, 3:41 am

Hmmm... Reading Dawkins to them is abuse? Not teaching them scripture is abuse?

Sounds like the lunatics are running the asylum.

I know of an an NT mom who used to leave her son alone in the crib and go our shopping all the time. I would never have done that. I did not like to leave my kids in the care of a baby sitter, let alone leave them alone....

If they wanted to go after him for behavior, they should have gone after him, not us.

People should remember the people involved and hold them accountable.



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,169
Location: my own little world

08 Aug 2013, 12:32 pm

I think that rather than banning his kids from him he should be able to get help on how to be a better parent. He is not abusive he just doesn't understand or know things. They should teach him.