75 Nice Things People Say to Shut Up Your Feelings -article

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helles
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12 Jul 2013, 5:02 am

I found this article, I do not know if it has been posted here before. I found it very useful as I have difficulties with reading people. These frases might help me to understand the other person better.

“How did your day go?”
“It was horrible.”
“Aw, cheer up. It’ll get better soon!”
“Cheer up” means, “don’t feel the way you do.”
It’s not the same as, “I’m sorry to hear that.” Or, “Can I do anything to help?” Or even, “I hope you feel better soon.”
It might even mean “I don’t want to hear about it.”
In which case, it’s an emotion-phobic exchange. Under the guise of casual politeness of course.

"People who don’t want to experience their own negative emotions sure as heck don’t want you to express yours. Because then they might have to take response ability for their actions, connect with you, empathize, or get in touch with themselves — which they’ve (unconsciously) decided is way too painful.
You become someone else’s problem when you voice what they can’t accept in their own self."

http://mindfulconstruct.com/2011/02/18/ ... -feelings/


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Fnord
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12 Jul 2013, 9:52 am

"I'm sorry you feel that way."



helles
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12 Jul 2013, 9:58 am

:wink:



Ann2011
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12 Jul 2013, 10:06 am

People have a natural self preservation instinct. If one presents a threat to this (for example, by being unhappy) often others will minimize your feelings because they don't want to share in them.
I have noticed that the more troubled I am, the less people want to have to do with me. It sucks, because that's when you need the most support, but it's just the way it is. People want their friends to bring them up not down.



jerry00
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12 Jul 2013, 2:02 pm

^This is true. Friends aren't really there for the bad times, they just talk like they are, but if you fall on bad times they won't want you. Most people are leading what I can only describe as highly superficial lives where they do whatever they need to fit in with the in crowd at the moment. They don't have "time" to be there for anybody, because they spend all their time trying to look good and kissing sycophant ass. It's such a sick society we live in. I guess I'm lucky to be on the fringes where at least I can be left alone.



BenderRodriguez
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12 Jul 2013, 2:13 pm

Fnord wrote:
"I'm sorry you feel that way."


While "can I do anything to help" can sometimes be sincere, this one is always invalidating, often deliberately so. Especially when said about your thoughts not feelings.

jerry00 wrote:
^This is true. Friends aren't really there for the bad times, they just talk like they are, but if you fall on bad times they won't want you. Most people are leading what I can only describe as highly superficial lives where they do whatever they need to fit in with the in crowd at the moment. They don't have "time" to be there for anybody, because they spend all their time trying to look good and kissing sycophant ass. It's such a sick society we live in. I guess I'm lucky to be on the fringes where at least I can be left alone.


These are acquaintances (or family :wink: ), not friends. But yeah, friend are very rare.


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MjrMajorMajor
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12 Jul 2013, 2:16 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
People have a natural self preservation instinct. If one presents a threat to this (for example, by being unhappy) often others will minimize your feelings because they don't want to share in them.
I have noticed that the more troubled I am, the less people want to have to do with me. It sucks, because that's when you need the most support, but it's just the way it is. People want their friends to bring them up not down.


+1. It's just seems to be basic human nature. If you aren't always smiling and "approachable", people seem to take it as a personal affront. On the flip side, I've been surprised at who came to my side when I was having a hard time. It's never quite who you expect sometimes. I try to reserve judgement about people because you just never know.