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vaudevillep
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13 Jul 2013, 5:00 pm

I haven't told anyone except my wife that I have Asperger's. I am 32 and I have a mild form but I am able to hide it from my friends and family. Sometimes I feel that I want to share it with them but don't know how to bring it up. I am not afraid that people will judge me, but I am private and rarely disclose personal information. Should I bring it up? And how? I thought about just telling my closest friends and family and doing it one on one, but at the same time there can be a down side of sharing. I am forced to focus how and what I say, what other people say and how to act socially because I don't want people to know, but I am afraid that by disclosing that I have Asperger's I won't try so hard socially. I kept it from my wife for years, she knew something was different about me and she didn't understand why I would get mad and upset at certain things, but I never brought it up. My wife, who now is a Nurse, was thinking of becoming a Biology teacher, but the only TA job she could find while she was getting her Master's was in a SAC (social adjustment class). She feel in love with the kids and switched her Major to Special Education. She didn't know why she felt so close to the kids with Autism or Asperger's than it dawned on her and she asked me if I had Asperger's. From that point on our relationship changed for the better. She understood how my brain worked and how to deal with me, and I was finally able to be the "real" me around her. The only down side is that because I was now able to be me, I regressed socially, romantically and sexually. Over the last couple years I have gotten a lot better and I have progressed in my areas, but my fear is that will happen in a larger scale if I tell me friends and family. I don't want to regress.
Sorry for the long post. Sometimes it helps to write it all out.



cberg
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13 Jul 2013, 6:26 pm

I had essentially the inverse positive response to telling people you did; I'm relatively young and I began with my close friends, and now I maintain far more intricate friendships with more or less all my peers. Be careful who you confuse, but otherwise I say go for it.


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vanhalenkurtz
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13 Jul 2013, 9:49 pm

The question seems to me: will your relationships (especially w/ family) stand to benefit from the disclosure? Most family members, especially parents, do not welcome such information, for obvious reasons. If in doubt, wait. But it's great it's welcome for your marriage.


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Theuniverseman
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14 Jul 2013, 2:33 am

I love talking about being an aspie, I blab about it to everyone, can't seem to shut up about it, go figure.


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IdleHands
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14 Jul 2013, 3:52 am

You sound like me; I too am 32 with Aspergers, and I found out well into adulthood. My parents completely deny it, but my wife totally gets it. I found out because both of my children are Autistic. I get the feeling that my mom can't accept it because in her mind it would be her fault.

My dad actually finally took some online tests (at least) and scores very high for autism, as does my older brother. I think most of my family is filled with undiagnosed adults.

Go with your gut on how/who you tell, but my personal opinion is that we owe it to our kind not to hide what we are; rather we need to be advocates for ourselves and each other. Nobody understands autism better than autistics.

Maybe use the new show The Bridge to gather some opinions first and take it from there.

How old were you when you found out?



vaudevillep
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14 Jul 2013, 10:15 am

Thanks for the feedback. Neither of my parents are alive, but I have brothers and a sister that I am close with. One of the issues that I have is that I over think things; my wife says that I live in my head too much. I will probably tell them and they will either say that its something they already new, or they will educate themselves on the disorder and have a better understanding of how my brain works. I post on several facebook asperger's pages, and of course when I post it shows up on my timeline, and so far that has been my way of dropping hints. I think its time to tell my family, but I am still torn about coworkers and friends (not that I have a lot of them). I want to be an advocate but I don't really want my coworkers to know. I don't really care what my coworkers think, and I also believe that personal information lets people see into your world, which I would like to keep closed off. I think telling my family is the first step.
I have been on wrongplanet for over a year but I never post. This helps, so thanks.