Hi from Ontario Canada

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Hi everyone. I just recently started looking into Asperger's syndrome more (I had heard of it before, but I never knew what it was), and now everything in my life up until now makes sense. I've always thought I was just shy, or wasn't very good at socializing because I was bullied a lot as a kid, but that doesn't really explain much about the way I am.
I didn't often have friends growing up, and when I did, it was usually just one friend. Whenever I tried to talk to people and make new friends, they would either stop talking, look at each other, then walk away. Or they would stop talking, give me a dirty look and then walk away. When I did start making a new friend, I would inevitably do or say something to alienate them, but I never knew what it was. They would just slowly (or sometimes suddenly) stop talking to me and spending time with me, and I never knew why. I always tended to say something eventually that would make people not like me, so after a while, I started not saying anything at all. I would sit back and listen to what they said and watch their mannerisms, and try to imitate them, to seem "normal". I had to always make mental notes about things I would do or say that I later realized were inappropriate, so I wouldn't do them again. I try not to say too much too soon when I meet new people, because I often stick my foot in my mouth, and I don't realize that I shouldn't have said or done something until after I've already said or done it. Socializing is exhausting because I have to rehearse everything I'm going to say before I say it, to try to make sure I don't say something inappropriate. I have to think carefully about anything I'm going to say or do before I say or do it.

I also have trouble telling how much someone likes me as a friend. In high school, I had a friend I considered my best friend. Then I found out she considered me just an acquaintance.

I have some of the sensory issues associated with Asperger's, like extra sensitive hearing or sense of smell (I'm usually the first one to hear a faint, far away noise that no one else can hear, or smell a faint smell that no one else can smell, and they think I'm imagining it until the noise gets louder, or the smell gets stronger. Regular noises like the beeping on the microwave, or the sound of the phone ringing hurt my ears), and I don't like to be touched. I don't make much eye contact either. If I try to hold contact with someone's eyes, it physically hurts my eyes after a few seconds. (I don't know what's up with that). My eyes are also sensitive to light, to the point where I have to wear sunglasses even on cloudy days because the white from the clouds hurts my eyes.
I have read that a lot of people with Asperger's have trouble finding and keeping jobs. It's the same with me. I would have a job that I thought was going well (I show up every day and do the work they want me to do), but then one day I would suddenly be let go with no explanation. I just started a new job, and they're big on team work, so that's why I'm going to try to get a formal diagnosis soon. I don't want them to think that I'm snobby or rude for not making small talk (I never could get the hang of it. I never know what to say after "Hi, how are you?" "I'm fine, thanks, how about you?" "I'm fine, thanks"), or not a team player.

I'm also ridiculously easily distracted, and I tend to forget things a few seconds after someone tells me, unless they write it down for me.

I'll stop there, because I could go on for pages and pages.

Welcome

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Greetings, and welcome to Wrong Planet!