Why don't people hear me when I speak?

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Sorry to bump an old post but i just came across this thread after google searching "no one can ever hear me when i speak", so as you can tell i have this problem too. I dont know what it is, I can hear myself perfectly fine and im sure i speak at a normal volume, but everytime I say something to someone, unless they are within like a foot from where im standing they never hear me the first time, and im constantly forced to repeat myself. Its worse if theres more than one person in the room as everyone then turns to look at me and goes silent while i repeat what i just said. It makes me not even want to bother adding anything to conversation as i hate being the centre of attention in a group. I can handle making a comment if people hear it straight away and the conversation keeps flowing, but if everything stops and the focus is purely on me it just sucks and i always feel like just getting out of their as soon as possible.

Maybe im just living in my own head too much and i just assume people know what im saying because I do, but in reality i speak quietly/mumble everything, I dont know. I just know it sucks. I also like you get ignored a lot in conversation/talked over. Especially by my relatives as they all very loud and extroverted. Sucks being the only quiet one in the family

i know what you're talking about and how you feel no one ever hears me
They tell me to speak up and get mad at me and yell at me because my voice is so weak....don't feel bad though it happen to the best of us :0

My problem too.

And even if my words are meant to some specific person in the group, they won't hear me any way. This is really annoying. And embarrassing! I don't feel fitting in any way, so this makes it even worse.

Wow, I can so relate to this! I guess this is a pretty regular occurrence amongst Aspies.

For me the problem starts in a group of 4 or more people. You say something relevant to the conversation, in a gap in talking, in a normal voice (not quiet, not shouting), and it seems like no-one has heard you. Then someone else will say or mumble something else quietly and everyone hears them straightaway. I think even nice people have some in-built filter for quieter people and just don't register them; I don't think it's even intentionally ignoring it, they just don't register it.

I sometimes find myself overcompensating and it makes me look bad - for example, when I say something relevant in a normal voice when no-one else is talking, and no-one responds, I then say it a bit to shoutily (but still people don't seem to hear) - then someone else starts talking and I end up interrupting them rudely. I hate myself for doing this but still end up doing it every time as it seems to be the only way to get heard.

I think it's where most of my social awkwardness stems from. My voice has been filtered out so many times that it has now made me reluctant to talk or say what I want to say, only when I feel very comfortable with talking, and even then I say it all out quickly in one blurt just in case somebody interrupts or something. That is why I stay quiet and just prefer to listen. Besides, I feel listening to people is musical to me. But then at the same time I feel rather guilty if I just sit there and not say two words because it makes people think I'm even quieter than I could be, and so will filter me out even more if I wanted to speak up.

But then again....I have spoken to other Aspies before who didn't seem to hear me, even though I spoke loud enough. And most Aspies don't have filter systems like NTs do. So I don't know, maybe my voice just gets monitored out whoever I'm talking to,NT or not. I don't speak in a robot-like monotone but I think that when I'm feeling shy or nervous, my voice does lack ''colour'', and it gets filtered out. That is probably why I am heard better when I'm with close family, it's because those are the people I am least nervous with, therefore I can be my normal self and be heard.

It's getting to the point where I'm inclined to say, "What is this? Slow and stupid week? Buy a hearing aid or I'm not fooling with you!" Nobody hears you if you're not a loudmouth ed idiot, or to put it more diplomatically, a dingbat extrovert.

My name's Ben and I'm new to the forum and don't have time to present myself much aside being afflicted with depression and anxiety since I was 8 years old (21ish years go). Was on sertraline (100mg, I'm 6'3", 300lbs) for about 4 years now and just stopped about a month ago on my own because (well I guess I'm presenting myself...) I just realized I hated being in this comfort zone, not having ambitions or life goals as a married man with a 5 year old daughter. I started taking antidepressants because, aside my long-life depression, I'm also socially anxious and very shy -- or at least WAS and at a paramount level before the pills. After reflecting about this I've come to the conclusion that I didn't need them anymore (for my social anxiety part anyway). As for my depression, I've recognized that it's simply because I haven't completed any goals in life. I'm a very procrastinating person so nothing ever gets done -- not even to 75%. Even something as simple as writing a poem, music or learning. I don't have a concrete foundation built out of my sweat and blood (yet..) so I have nothing to show for or brag about or even use as credentials when trying to encourage others when they're in doubt about something that's affecting their personal lives. I lack trust in myself because of this.

I've also been smoking week since my 18th birthday. I don't know if I'm also a host of any of the mental conditions mentioned in the previous comments or during registration (Asperger's) but I also have the same "problems" with people at work or sometimes people I hang out with or even family. I always feel like I'm being ignored, kind of how Joe90 describes it and feel that ASDsmon's reasoning to this is definitely accurate. Which sucks since I'm also the quiet guy that doesn't talk much so I feel as if other people just think/feel I'm boring and just come up to me when they need help with something, and that also rarely happens.

But I digress, to be continued. The REAL reason for me quoting *you* Willard is that that sentence alone just made my day and made me rethink my thought process when struggling in hello/goodbye social situations. I always used to get pissed and just think "well f**k em I don't need them" -- which actually made me feel more miserable (not about myself but in general). Thank you for unwillingly rectifying this fault of mine as I never saw it that way.

Anyhoo, may the force be with you all.

I couldn't agree more that I am in the same boat. Even in my family I am ignored or just cut off. This is on a daily basis and so I don't ever get to have a good conversation with anyone. Its as if I am surrounded by people who are so close but I cannot be seen at all. In the world I also feel just as invisible because my friends ignore anything I say even though I am standing right there with them. It is just a daily curse that never seems to go away. I actually feel like I want to shout and make myself known but I would still be shrugged off with ignorance. Back to my family, they only listen for a max of 10 seconds before talking amongst each other.

That's because you have an extremely low social rank (in understanding of the NT people), and this means that you don't have a say. Happened to me sometimes. And once it happened that another guy repeated my exact words a few minutes later, and everyone was like "wow, what a great idea!"

all too familiar situation. the key has been to meet a few people who love and respect me, so they always want to listen me too

Very familiar ground. So much so that I sometimes wonder if I'm just imagining my saying something, but that no one else inhabits the same dream. But the interesting thing is this very morning a colleague mentioned that he felt the same way about the very same people who I feel don't listen to me. I made a point of confirming I often had the same thoughts, which I felt he appreciated. But I wonder, is this just what it is like to be a member of the silent majority in the workaday world? Could it explain why the vast majority feel so negatively about their careers? And is it just that ASDers are a bit more sensitive about it? And lack the supportive friends to enable them to just shrug off their cares when they are on their free-time.

I'm not a huge fan of BREXIT (BREAKSIT, WREXIT, whatever.) But the thought that occurs to me is that it is the revenge of those people who the current global neo-liberalist establishment have never wanted to even remotely listen to. But isn't that how revolts often work out in the longer run? There is also nothing worse than the sort of horrible populists who seek to exploit such mass disenchantment: Strumpet in the States, Johnson & Johnson & Nigel Forage in the UK, Berlusconi in Italy, and Thaksin Shinawatra in Thailand. They at least will initially listen to you, but after you have voted them in, you again become part of the great unlistened to masses. After voting for such manipulative trash, you have outlived your usefulness and can yet again be treated as invisible. But the UK establishment were deluded in thinking that the electorate would never turn against them. And as for Messrs. Johnson & Forage, I have an intuition that very shortly they are going to be hoisted by their own petard.

I have the same issue. I'm not sure if I perceive my own voice as being louder than it is but it seems when I speak at a volume others can hear I feel as if I am raising my voice.

Social occasions are a whole other nightmare though. I'm often one of the last to leave simply because I can't face doing the rounds to say goodbye. There's just so many layers and nuances to social interaction that I frankly find unfathomable.

I'm pretty sure that your voice is loud enough. People just ignore you.

I get this a lot, and wonder if it's because I fail to do some kind of subliminal "Hey, I'm talking to YOU" body-language signal.

A couple of times, with people who know me a bit, I've started talking and one person went "Shush, everyone, that guy's saying something," because all the others hadn't noticed. Which was simultaneously kind of sweet, really embarrassing, and hilarious.

Yeah, exactly the same. One person I'm okay with, though they will tell me to speak up a fair bit but they are listening for what I say so still hear I've made a noise...

Once it's a group I tend to get ignored, so either I'm being too quiet or the other people in the group are just more interesting than me.