Dantac wrote:
Stargazer43 wrote:
I hope that this post doesn't come out the wrong way and I hope it isn't offensive, but basically I am wondering: is it a good idea to forgo physical attractiveness in a relationship for a stronger emotional connection?
The main reason I'm asking is because like many here, I don't have much relationship experience at all. I've been dating quite a few people over the past year, but one thing I've noticed is that for the most part, the less attracted I am to my date physically, the stronger of an emotional connection we seem to have. It's mostly due to weight, with 70% of people overweight nowadays it's harder than you'd think to find someone who isn't! Not to mention, all of the "more attractive" women I've been out with so far have seemed to be really flaky and honestly not that interesting in comparison. I just can't decide if I'm being superficial by wanting someone that I'm attracted to both emotionally and physically, or if I should compromise one for the other.
I would say you can compromise within certain parameters. For example, I would not enter a relationship with someone who I am not physically attracted to at all (it doesn't have to be weight related either) just because I get along superbly with her. She would be a good friend not a girlfriend.
The way I see it, if you try to make it into a relationship you will be hurting her.. because the physical attraction factor will in the long run come back and bite you when she wants things to get more serious. As in, would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with someone that doesn't 'spark' with you?
So a compromise can be made. If you find a girl...say, minimally attractive physically (you know what I mean... 'shes cute but not the cute that gets me going' type) and you connect very well then yeah, give it a go. Strong emotional bond with a small amount of physical attractiveness can work. For both of you.
I find it's not just about looks and personality though. I have a FWB who is attracted to me physically and who I very strongly connect with intellectually and emotionally, but our life goals are totally different. He wants marriage and kids and I don't, so we just go for meals/drinks, have long conversations and fool around.
I mean, I am attracted to overweight people quite a lot myself, sometimes (it depends on the person) and that was also the case when I was slim (I used to have a BMI of around 21.5 and I still fancied overweight people.)
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Zombies, zombies will tear us apart...again.
29 Jul 2013, 12:17 pm
