at 50 I am still a virgin - help!

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Would I have to pay the close relatives? Or pay off the officials protecting them?

A woman once told me she'd get it on with a bull. She was from a rural backwater community where this sort of thing apparently happens. That poses some questions, wouldn't you think?

A comedian, I'd say, and optimistic to boot. Thank you man for this lift of my spirits.

But I'm looking for a special wp lady, you know and I don't think they've read the manual on being whatever conformity is:

Now single females don't want the dubious
distinction of being 'desperate' so if you are not
part of the first 3 groups, and didn't want to be
known as being in group 4, you would probably
put yourself in group #5, group #5 being 'active
manhunt' mode. (which to me doesn't really
exist cause group 5 is the same as group 4....)

So on goes the hunt for some solid advice. But comedy eases the burn from last night's sandpaper ordeal.

Sandpaper? Are you trying to sharpen your pecker? Get yourself a fleshlight.

No, dude. It was supposed to be a comparative study. I am not one to chuck out advice. I'm all for first-hand experience, you know.

Also, I once heard my fav hero mention that one of his girls was as much pleasure as wanking off with a grater. Now some s&m types in my opinion have p...y written all over them. So I gave it a shot; you never what you are until you give it a try, right?

Anyway, I'm not saying all experiments are intelligent ones, but give me credit for trying to be thorough.

Btw, does anyone speak bovine? I've heard of horse whisperers... You know what they say: you don't know me till you b... me. Lol!

Now back to work lads and lassies.

I've heard of some people auctioning off their virginity on EBay. But, these were ladies. Women probably don't have the same fascination with virgin men as the other way around. But, you could give it a shot, and maybe make a few bucks off the deal.