How to develop a thick skin?

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Simple question - how to develop a thick skin when you're emotionally hypersensitive and take everything seriously because everything seems equally salient?

People make it sound so easy.

My best advice is to learn not to care. Doesn't "solve" the issue, but I find it helps.

My skin's like toughened leather

Having a thin skin usually means two things: loneliness and fear. Loneliness because someone who could otherwise be a friend is going out of her way to be mean to you, which is one less person to maybe become a friend. And fear that whatever she's saying is true, because you've learned to discount your own opinion in every instance against other people's. Learning not to do those things is a long process, but it can be done. I've done it.

If you ever figure it out please let me know.

Not caring is a lot easier said than done. I am not convinced that it's all about loneliness and fear either. Sometimes it can be but not always. Some of us are just much more emotionally charged and sensitive than others.

I don't think you ever can create the "thick skin" the way most people describe it.

If you are a sensitive person this means you would have to create a artificial blockage in your mind, that stops the emotional part of what would normally hurt from entering your consciousness .

In other words you would basically create a superiority complex to be no longer consciously aware of the effect of the hurtful things that people say, but subconsciously this data still enters your mind, and will slowly tear cracks into the dam that blocks the basin that contains your emotion, and after a while that dam will break and create a flood aka a very deep depression.

I did this after I was bullied for 10 years straight and for a while this worked perfectly but I ignored myself emotionally, and it backfired in a very bad way, and had it not been for my parents I would not be typing this today, as I would not have been alive.

What I had to learn is to not so much create a shield, but rather have someone close to you to help you rationalize your irrational emotional responses on seemingly small events, so the next time you get into a jam you can reflect on that earlier situation and try to regulate your emotions, the insult will still be as nasty and will still hurt you the same, but you will have learned some tools to pick yourself back up a bit faster.

If you vent regularly you can make sure that the basin doesn't fill up as fast and occasionally you let some emotion flow trough, so when you have to take a big hit the impact will not be as big as it otherwise would be.

A whale has a thick skin but also has a giant hole in it to let out some water every now and then

I hope this helps

I think it is very important to feel what you feel. If you feel things with the same intensity that I do, it would kill you to try to not acknowledge them. You have to at least acknowledge your feelings. You can learn to not let them control every aspect of your life but you do need to feel them. I love Jonov's whale with the thick skin and blowhole analogy!

Impossible as it may seem, if you give yourself time it is possible to improve on this.

For me being exposed to constant bullying and abuse from others eventually tipped me to the point of having to stand up for myself; well, it was that and being lucky enough to have allies and people who liked me and cared for me, so I could value myself enough to change.

I think fundamentally understanding that nothing is as personal as it seems is also very key.
My personality and how I am just pisses people off; I'm too slow, I'm weird, I don't talk about the same things as they do...whatever it is, I can't always fit in.
But you can learn to moderate behaviours as well. This will reduce the amount of negative attention you receive too.

Learning to let go of things more quickly as well. This is indeed excruciating, but NTs move on from things within minutes. It is can be helpful to see this. They have no idea how disruptive and upsetting their behaviour is to us in many instances. They function quicker and on a different plane. Change is the norm.
For me things stick like glue and stay with me, forever sometimes.

I am very traumatised by many interactions in my life, however I can promise you I have learnt to brush things off more easily, and take it in less; perhaps simply because from experience I now know that it just isn't personal so much of the time.

It isn't and will never be easy. Don't expect it to be easy. But you can improve if you never give up, and make a real commitment to learn from each interaction. Self-reflection helps too.

I know I am weird. I know it is obvious I am weird. I know I am vulnerable. I know it is obvious I am vulnerable. But I don't give a s**t any more. And I don't want to be like them.
If you really internalise both those two things, you won't be a victim so easily. Because how can they hurt you if your attitude is one of
''f**k you, I'm different, I know we both know it and I don't care''.

Just being cripplingly sensitive and finding people and life overwhelming. Well, there isn't a remedy. I struggle with that every day and am often at a loss figuring out how to cope.
But.....protect your sensitivity. Don't obsess about changing or understanding it. Accept and take it seriously.
You can't handle what NTs can, so be it.
Lately I've become more serious about respecting my own struggle and removing myself from situations if I can't handle them, and not apologising for it.
You wouldn't apologise for having a heart condition, a brain injury or epilepsy. All things that would alter your capacity to cope with various stimuli and so on. It is not so different.

I am sorry if this is badly written, I'm having a strange day. Hope it may help some.

Don't lose heart.

I'm not sure how you develop a thick skin. I think it's just mind over matter. Think tough, be tough.