Why are guys so obsessed with losing their virginity?

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by the time I posted back here, and then realized I needed to specify open ended, and added an edit concerning that, 4 responses had already been made, but I was still the only one to vote at that time

Oh, I'm sure it's fine.

(sniggers at the use of the phrase 'open-ended' in this context)

u n boo need to quit pmming so much naughty stuff. ur mind stays in the naughty

It's the same in Netherlands only here the VanDale dictionary says the thrusting of the penis into the vagina noods to take place for at least 5 minutes. If the man has no orgasm or is not able to maintain his erection it cannot be considered intercourse

Those lawmakers are really kinky...

Society, nature, etc, all those work nicely to drive aspies like us nuts. And Boo, I agree with your addon.

Preferably, I'd like to ditch my v-card with someone who is just as sexually inexperienced as I am, but then again, there aren't a lot of 21 and 22 year olds I know who haven't been sexually active. I have met college students who have never been sexually active, though, so who knows! So if you're like me and would like his first time to be her first time as well, it's by no means impossible, but also not all that likely, unless you stay within the autism community, which is hard for me in the dating realm because there's not a whole bunch of aspie females I'm attracted to.



Agreed. By no means am I a social conservative, but granted, there are a few things I do wish we could go back in time with. 13 and 14 year olds should NOT be sexually active, and probably a good percentage of 16 year olds too.

Also, the definition of virginity is skewed as well; if you're a girl who has given a blowjob, but hasn't had vaginal intercourse, are you still a virgin?

As a rule of thumb, next relationship I'm in, I'm not going to ask about sexual histories. All I care (if I were to be in a sexual relationship) is that you're faithful (as in don't practice "friends with benefits") and don't have STD's.



For me, I couldn't have meaningless sex. And that's why I haven't had sex yet: for me, it has to be meaningful. But that might be a problem too, as I've passed up many chances.



I agree with the bolded statement. I obsess over so much it's not even funny.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=towwx7KOWDE[/youtube]

Certified pre-f*cked. Foamy, you are awesome.

SOMETHING TO KEEP IN MIND: you might have sex for the first time and might be "I'm not comfortable doing this" or "It's too hard" or some utterance of it being uncomfortable, especially if you have sensory issues. What I'm saying is you might find sex is not your tea. I hope to find a partner who is in the same boat I'm in, down to saving sex for special occasions. It loses it's meaning if you do it too much, that or I'm plain nuts.

According to mainstream society, yes.
The same is the case if a guy goes down on a woman. Even if she has an orgasm, society in general would still consider her to be a virgin.
Which is a bit ridiculous, really, if the term "virginity" is supposed to have any real meaning. .
Heck, two people could go at it 69-style ; and both of them would still be virgins by the end of the night.
They could then masturbate each other before doing each other in the bum, and still be virgins.

Virginity is basically defined in terms of whether you've done something which could make another person pregnant ... or alternatively, whether you've done something which could make you pregnant. (specifically, sexual intercourse) ... or whether a girl/woman has been vaginally raped at any age ... with the term having been defined long before the modern availability of assorted contraceptives.

This is why in some countries intercourse is considered to be invalid unless the man orgasms (even if the woman does, that doesn't count)

To me, it seems kind of nasty that youngsters (especially pre-18s) think that losing their virginity is so vitally important... I mean, a lot of them are still just kids really - and yet, they're so keen to gamble with the possibility of making themselves pregnant through intercourse. (or most often somebody else, since it's boys who tend to push for it far more than girls at that age)

Many people (especially young women it seems to me) lose their virginity after being coerced, pressured, or outright bullied into having sexual intercourse.

When you look at it like that, does being a non-virgin really seem so meaningful ?

Rather than trying to aim to lose their virginity as though it's some kind of epic ultimate goal, wouldn't it be a healthier and more meaningful idea for people to aim to have satisfying and meaningful sexual encounters, with whatever sort of sexual contact they both feel happy and comfortable about.... without elevating the concept of virginity loss to some kind of lofty height ?

Oh well, that's just my radical notion anyway....

No, no, you have a point. The satisfying and meaningful encounters point you mention is what I was also trying to emphasize. As I've said, I couldn't ever have meaningless sex.

Also, see this perspective: having your spouse as your only sexual partner, but your spouse has had several. Obviously it's going to be hard NOT to have feelings like you're the lesser human being. Also, a loss of virginity is in some ways a milestone in one's life.

But it's also a self-esteem thing here. But I'm grasping the fact that I just have perpetually bad self-esteem, and even being sexually active isn't going to fix that, no less have any effect. For me to have good self-esteem I need to come to terms with my fixations. Sorry, I think Freud applies to autism.

Herein lies the biggest problem with objectification of sex. Society, media, MARKETING have objectified sex, because it is the one "high" that can be used as a motivational sales tool, because it is an instinctive drive, etc.

Your partner having more previous partners but choosing you should be a compliment, not a competition. The only thing having more experience "wins" any one is greater risk of std.

The only reason it is a self-esteem issue is because of marketing and peer pressure . coming to terms does have to mean "getting laid" in what ever fashion fits your dreams. It simp means finding a way to accept the current status quo, which might mean being a virgin until you find a partner based off of other critera unrelated to sex and then manage to hold a relationship until you can find enough comfort in one another to take that step.

Freud was a pervert obsessed with his mom and inserting snakes into his orifices. His ideas have been successfully discredited and only apply to perverts with similar obsessions, and people who buy his twisted marketing scheme.

Last edited by FlanMaster on 12 Aug 2013, 9:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

I may get crucified for this, but the biggest obstacle I see on here is people wanting to be accepted for who they are, without being willing to change. Even in relationships with "completely normal" people, change has to occur in both people for the relationship to be successful. This makes things more complicated, I know, and especially when the other person expects us to be the one to do all the changing, but it's part of whole package. So if relationships are important to you, then stop seeing your viriginity as an obstacle, and start realizing it's the behavior that is the real issue.

If you aren't willing to change in a relationship, then don't be surprised if it never progresses to the point of intercourse. If it is that important to you (intercourse or the relationship either one) then you are going to have to be willing to modify your behavior, quirks, etc.

I.E. I have issues with smells. If I was never willing to learn how to block them out I would have never proceeded to the point in the relationship where I could have been intimate. did you know that freshly washed skin can become odorous in just a few minutes after a bath? You can develop underarm odor while still towling dry. If you don't wash the bottom thoroughly and properly, residual sweat can maintain the odors even after soaking in the tub for hours. A single fart can negate the most thorough bottom washing routines. What does one do when one's partner accidentally emits a fart while one is pleasing one's partner orally? Have a melt down? Not unless permanent virginity is the goal. So, I learned to adapt. I found that I have muscles that I can control which shut off my nasal passages which prevent odors and some tastes as well, which is another issue very likely to arise during intercourse, especially oral. who new clean breasts can have an unpleasant taste when suckled? I found out when I complied with that request.

What do you do when you find parts of the visual stimuli actually repugnant? Sometimes a vaginia can be quite unnerving when viewed in some ways, or if you do try the "69" you'd be surprised at what "up close and personal" can look like, especially when they accidentally break wind. what about the sounds? some of them sound absolutely disgusting. Sometimes they can sound like a slobbery dog cleaning itself, ugh!.

Now lets back away into more general parts of the relationship. If you don't care much for kissing, learn to kiss without it bothering you. If you don't like clinginess, learn to enjoy it. If you are too clingy, learn to back off, or be willing to find a partner who enjoys it. If you don't wash your dishes or have good hygeine, learn to keep your house clean and your body cleaner. If you don't like shopping, find a way to go shopping (I tend to go late night or early morning so I avoid the crowds)

You don't have to completely change, but you do have to be willing to find the "deal breakers" and change them. If you want to "get laid", learn how to be a good lover in areas that don't include intercourse, (hygeine, house chores, pampering your partner, giving your partner affection, or in some people space). If all that is "too much work" then learn to content yourself with either abstinance or masturbation.

You do have a point on the need to change bad habits, or at least fixations. Personally, I still buy the whole Freud thing, of course, not all of it, but we all have fixations. Trust me, I've been going to therapy for years on this one.

But I hope my posts dug deep into the stereotypical beliefs that non-sexually active aspies hold.

It's also that in the United States, having no sexual experience AND being in your 20s is made out to be a bad thing, and furthermore, an embarrassment to the virgin himself.

But it's also a reflection on my own idiosyncrasies and problems: I guess my lack of relationship experience is a reflection on having some sort of a developmental delay.

I don't, know, it all seemed so simple until you guys made me think thinking about sex and virginity required a degree in social logic and philosophy. Gawsh, it is so darn complicated now, I don't know what to do....(sarcasm).

These have all been mentioned before. I've stated before, perhaps in another thread, I can't remember, that with the advent of the internet, and with all the "real love" videos being published to combat the misconceptions propagated by pornography, there is no need to discuss or admit virginity to anyone. For those of legal age, research sexual intimacy, realistic sex, true intimacy, and find resources that appear legitimate that provide information on sex, relationships, real sex versus the lies that porn teaches. You can find out the specific intimate points. The actual science versus pseudoscience, etc. You can watch how to actually engage in proper, productive foreplay.

you can find articles on how non-sexual activities within the relationship can be the precursor to foreplay. It's not exciting to think that if you faithfully take out the garbage and faithfully help with the household chores, and faithfully do little things to express love and affection, that it increases the intimacy when sex actually happens but these things are factual. Many women are more receptive to a man who considers their non-sexual needs before asking for nookie. Married women are more likely to find their husbands sexually attractive if he shares the burden of the house, and even at times takes more than his share. Before marriage, be willing to suffer "chic flicks", shopping trips, tea parties. After marriage be willing to suffer household chores, diapers, drawing her a bath and letting her soak in solitude.

No need to discuss whether your a virgin or not. If the question arises, simply state that you believe that information is irrelavent if she truly likes you and don't be drawn into the discussion. Politely decline to discuss it. Prepare with the proper knowledge, understand your own body so you know how to prepare for the actual event.

And as always, if you are a religious person, remember that God hates fornication, so save it for the marriage bed

I would say that considering how many girls/women are on the pill or taking hormonal implants to prevent pregnancy, and given the eagerness of many guys to have sex without themselves needing to bother with contraception, and the way that many guys have an excessive reluctance to ever get checked for STDs (and when some people of both sexes have a reluctance to get treated even knowing they have an STD), and the way that some STDs produce no symptoms in a carrier but could cause problems for somebody else who gets infected by them (such as infertility) , and the effectiveness of sperm as a disease carrier, there is a perfectly good reason why many people would be wanting to know their partner's sexual activity status.

I'd say that many guys who are not virgins will lie about how many sexual partners they've had, if they've been around so much that it might put a woman off.... whereas in the case of virgins, I would suspect that very few guys would claim to be a virgin if they aren't.

That said, plenty of guys who aren't virgins will diligently use barrier contraception (condoms) every time they have sex, and will go to the doctor to get checked out for STDs regularly, or if they get symptoms of a sexual problem that can't be prevented by condoms (ie crabs, etc).

And well, that's great.

Good points. In some ways, sex can be a lie. That being said, for myself, the excitement of a relationship at times made me forget I had a girlfriend with sexual experience, but what put me at ease is that it wasn't a whole lot.



A few things. I've done foreplay, fingering, grinding, pretty much, everything except actual intercourse. Actually, my last ex and I agreed on a few things, one was showerpooling, something the nice folks at AXE promoted last year, of course it never got that far. And I forgot to mention I've covered the irrelevance part:



Ignorance isn't bliss, but it's also very appealing.

How bout the good ol fashioned f**king each other and figuring out yourselves what feels good? I heard that is probably more genuine than trying what someone else does, even if it is real.