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PhosphorusDecree
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06 May 2018, 4:10 pm

auntblabby wrote:
winner of the bulwer/lytton bad writing contest-

He was a mediocre conductor of a mediocre orchestra. He had been having problems with the basses; they were the least professional of his musicians. It was the last performance of the season, Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, which required extra effort from the basses at the end. Earlier that evening, he found the basses celebrating one of their birthdays by passing a bottle around. As he was about to cue the basses, he knocked over his music stand. The sheet music scattered. As he stood in front of his orchestra, his worst fear was realized; it was the bottom of the 9th, no score and the basses were loaded.


There's a practical joke that's sometimes played on conductors. Schubert's 8th starts with just cellos and double basses, so they all conspire to play in the wrong key and see how long it take for him to figure out what's going wrong.


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auntblabby
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06 May 2018, 10:16 pm

a lot of people think conductors ARE the joke. :lol:



lostonearth35
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06 May 2018, 10:26 pm

A little boy and his mom are watching an opera singer perform on stage while a conductor directs her with his baton. The boy asks, "Mommy, why is that man shaking a stick at that lady?"
"He's not shaking it at her."
"Then why is she screaming at him?

:lmao:



auntblabby
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06 May 2018, 10:55 pm

An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research.
''How much is this one?'' he asked.
''That one is a monkey brain, and it's $20,'' the owner explained.
''How much is that one?'' the alien asked.
"That one is a female brain, and it's $100,'' the owner replied.
''And how much is that one?'' the alien asked.
''That one is a conductor's brain and it is $500,'' the owner explained.
''Why so expensive?'' the alien asked.
"Why so expensive?!
The owner answered, ''Well, it's hardly been used!''