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kokopelli
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25 Jan 2018, 4:03 am

This non-musician decided that he needed a hobby and so he that that he would like to learn to play a musical instrument. His favorite music was Polkas and after much consideration of the different instruments, he couldn't make up his mind. So he went to a local instrument store and asked their advice.

After talking to the salesman a while, he decided that he would like to try the accordion and the salesman took him over to the accordion section.

Looking around, he saw one he liked and said, "I think I'd like to try that big red accordion by the wall."

The salesman looked at him and said, "You really don't know much about music at all, do you? That's the radiator."



auntblabby
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25 Jan 2018, 4:42 am

^^^ta dum dum :mrgreen:
What's a bassoon good for?
Kindling for an accordion fire.

What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
Ladies in Pain [joke diagram time- an accordionist would understand this joke, as "lady in spain" was a common accordion showpiece back in the day ;) ]



bunnyb
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25 Jan 2018, 5:06 am

What's the definition of perfect pitch?
Throwing an accordion into a dumpster and having it land on a banjo.


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auntblabby
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25 Jan 2018, 7:02 pm

^^^



Meistersinger
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25 Jan 2018, 8:28 pm

auntblabby wrote:
^^^ta dum dum :mrgreen:
What's a bassoon good for?
Kindling for an accordion fire.

What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
Ladies in Pain [joke diagram time- an accordionist would understand this joke, as "lady in spain" was a common accordion showpiece back in the day ;) ]


I thought that they used an oboe for that!


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auntblabby
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25 Jan 2018, 8:53 pm

Meistersinger wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
^^^ta dum dum :mrgreen:
What's a bassoon good for?
Kindling for an accordion fire.

What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
Ladies in Pain [joke diagram time- an accordionist would understand this joke, as "lady in spain" was a common accordion showpiece back in the day ;) ]


I thought that they used an oboe for that!

comedian [and musician] pete barbutti used that song [along with an accordion] as a prop for one of his routines.



1stSauce
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27 Jan 2018, 11:55 am

The tracklist for the next Rolling Stones album titled "Steel Walking Frames" was leaked the other day:

1. (I Can't Get No) Circulation
2. Help Me Up
3. Nursing Home Women
4, Let's Take A Nap Together
5. Limpin' Jack Flash
6. Brown Splenda
7. It's Only Dulcolax, But I Like It
8. Gimme Arthritis
9. You Can't Always Chew What You Want
10. She's So Old
11. 19th Knee Operation



auntblabby
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27 Jan 2018, 9:07 pm

^^^ :lmao:



JustFoundHere
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04 May 2018, 5:50 pm

Musicians who promote themselves for comedy acts might just be "tooting their own horns!"



naturalplastic
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04 May 2018, 6:20 pm

auntblabby wrote:
^^^ta dum dum :mrgreen:
What's a bassoon good for?
Kindling for an accordion fire.

What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
Ladies in Pain [joke diagram time- an accordionist would understand this joke, as "lady in spain" was a common accordion showpiece back in the day ;) ]

it's "Lady of Spain", not "in" Spain.



auntblabby
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04 May 2018, 9:05 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
^^^ta dum dum :mrgreen:
What's a bassoon good for?
Kindling for an accordion fire.

What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
Ladies in Pain [joke diagram time- an accordionist would understand this joke, as "lady in spain" was a common accordion showpiece back in the day ;) ]

it's "Lady of Spain", not "in" Spain.

:oops: I remember that pete barbutti used this song and an accordion as a prop for one of his jokes.



naturalplastic
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05 May 2018, 9:03 am

There was a saxophone player of great talent.

But there was a problem. He just couldn't play the bridges of songs. You know..."the B section"- the part of the tune where it gets a little different, before it goes back to the original theme. Every pop song has a "bridge".

A mental block. Therapy may have helped. Who knows? For some reason he just couldn't remember the bridge of any song.

He would impress bandleaders with his talent, but then in the middle of a paid gig this quirk would manifest and embarrass his bandmates and he would get booted out of the band.

He got as far as London England.

Found himself unemployed and blue and stranded in London.

So to express his despair he sat on the window sill of his flat with his sax and began to pour out his despair by playing a passionate version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".

It was so moving that the neighors all stuck their heads out to listen. Some where brought to tears. They all applauded.

But then they all noticed that he kept repeating the same verse over and over. They all got angry and would yell "HEY! Play the rest of the song!". Soon they were throwing bricks at him. Desperately he tried and tried and tried, but he just could not recall the tune of the bridge of that particular song.

Then a brick smacked him on the head, and he fell to the street below.

While lying on the pavement in pain starring above he could hear an ambulance approaching with its British style siren going "HI-LOW-HIGH-LOW-HIGH-LOW.....".



drlaugh
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05 May 2018, 9:43 am

A harmonica player and guitar player fall off a clliff

Who lands first

The guitarist because the harmonica player has to stop and ask WHAT KEY IS THIS SONG IN?


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auntblabby
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06 May 2018, 3:33 am

an elaborate musical joke-



PhosphorusDecree
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06 May 2018, 4:03 pm

An ambitious young conductor was having a hard time with his first orchestra. He wasn't as smart as as he thought he was, and every time he said something stupid the percussionist at the back played a quiet "b'dmp dmp tish!"

Finally, the conductor lost his temper. "Alright, who the **** keeps doing that?"


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