Is self-defeat a common trait among Aspie relationships?

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Did my last point hit near the actual conversation? Im not exactly sure. Also... read Letch's post in 'send a love pm to a wp member' thread.

That's partly why Letch has been a little loopy. I've been on a writing spree. I internalized alot of chaos and emotion in order to do it. *yawn*
And its always fun to throw half baked theories up for logical aspies to fix. Letch is lazy, lolz.

Yes it did...and I've read your work. I'm the same way. There must be an overwhelming amount of emotion built up before I can write.

@ilovemyaspie: Analytically, asking a burnout aspie 'if everything is your fault' is translated to: "I'm feeling uneasy about the relationship and require reassurance."

Aspie in question is thinking the same thing.

"Why don't you want to see me." Answers with: "Im a f-up." Or sometimes... whatever b.s. excuse the aspie generally uses to guard himself during down time.

I tell people i have a sleeping disorder, had food poisoning, etc etc.

Its not a lie if the truth would just be misinterpreted anyway. Some aspies are too truthful to lie at all however. Ironically, burnout can be more severe with a serious partner. Hehe.

I think im done my sermon now. There's exceptions and variations to all this tho. But 5 pages of garbage will just clog and confuse.

I'd want to know the truth. I'd look like to try to handle the facts.

So what do you do? When the burnout ends will the Aspie resurface or must you draw them out?

The Aspie should do everything she/he is responsible for to communicate what is going on, even if they have to leave certain details out to protect the friendship/relationship. My friends expect nothing less from me. Romantic situations that occur without a friendship first tend to be very tricky. More often than not, you will find the slightest intolerance will likely set the other off, especially during the burnout stage.

Depends. This question has too many variables. It comes down to how optimistic the aspie is, or how good he/she is at handling burnout. Specifically, oversocialization burnout. *mulls*

My own opinion, is that tactful reassurance that that burnout itself has not caused damage is probably best. Avoiding future burnout is a thing. Isolation longer than 5 days is probably counterproductive. A friend is probably a better source of vague assistance. A good solution is to go to friends house and watch TV. Reminds me shake everything off. My last serious relationship really tested my limits, since the last few weeks, it was spiraling into a ditch, and was very crushing. I was sortof in a state of perpetual burnout, while still being capable of operating. It was a bandaid i smacked on in hopes the relationship would turn around. Obviously didn't work. I just got snappy, and things were already not going so hot.

*mulls* All i have is personal experience. But if you're in a strained relationship with an aspie, Rigors quote of a 4hour/day average limit will get smaller and smaller, the more strained the situation.

I find i like to pick through relationship problems as they crop up. If i get a backlog, that's bad. Take all this with a grain of salt however, i was in the middle of a mandatory quit smoking attempt *shudder*.

It depends on the aspie. The weight of gushing emotion, the passive aggressive friend circle my partner kept, and a mandated quit smoking attempt, required 100% focus. Lost all sexual and emotional interest in my partner. She got friendzoned, by me, while i wasn't paying attention. :/

There's a gush from Letch, because every aspie is different when you start going this deep, all i gots is personal experience.

Thank you very much... Personal experience is always helpful.

Funny... as I reference a previous toxic situation I got myself in that Iluvmyaspie my be aware of. I actually quit smoking for the girl before her. But it was the toxic girl that influenced the decision to start again. I remember the burnout caused by the back and forth mind games. As soon as one issue was solved, another issue came into play. I couldn't deal anymore and left. The next girl kept getting upset with me over my blog entries because it struck the wrong chord for her, but not really in any way shape or form was it toxic.

It was revealed by one of these girls that they are afraid of saying yes to me when I do nice things for them partially because I am sometimes too nice about doing nice things for other people. So it should be no surprise that they didn't like my reaction either when I felt I was being taken advantage of either. My answer to that was, "I don't like being told to be nice as I find that is where I am being taken advantage of. You didn't ask me of anything, I just volunteered."

^ 'Those that ask for things, i question them.
Those that don't ask, probably deserve to be given said 'things'.'

^ A top ten on Letch's Philosophy list. Right behind:

'Giving, and expecting a return, or even being disappointed there is no return, is simply not giving. Call it something else, if you don't, you will be miserable.'

Keep in mind that being taken advantage of as well... It sucks just being thrown aside because "I got what I want from you, you can go now."

@ Aspiemike yes I remember that situation!

@ LeLetch I just had this exact conversation with a friend of mine. He didn't want me giving him anything else because he probably would never reciprocate. I told him that's not why I give. I give because I want to-no strings attached.


p.s. woo hoo I made 1,000 posts!!

I don't know why everyone is so obsessed with post count. Its all very silly, since Letch will likely catch most of you within the month *trollface*

Also, one of GF's of an aspie told us about her BF that paid her back to the penny. I keep very close tabs on my debts, figurative and real. For some reason, those mental notes are very solid in my mind. It's an easier solution to the classic "no I'll pay, no I'LL pay" back and forth. One of the fakest eyeroll worthy conversations ever. Everyone does it, yet 75% of people are cheapskates. *aspie groan of exasperation*

It's something I just noticed (post count) But guess what? Now I get a custom rank!! I'm excited!! (Ahh... it's the little things)

My Aspie guy never kept track of what I owed him. He always forgot when I paid him back exactly what I was paying him back for. I'd borrow money and he'd say "There's more if you need more"....so sweet.

Self-defeat is the result of low self-esteem, not directly of AS.

I'm back. Ha !



Agree, agree, agree.
Burnout may well be the principle difference, (the final straw), the last hoora!

Not so long ago I was watching a movie with my would-be-girl-friend. A love scene came on and the young couple started covorting in the bed. I had a melt down at that. I was shaking, stammering, couldn't think, couldn't talk. I had to get out of the house and quick. I went to my bedroom and got some sandles to walk in the night. Sandy was getting stressed and confused what I was going through. She did a very dangerous thing, she put her hands on my shoulders to restrain me from leaving the house, asking "what's wrong, tell me?". My mind was screaming inside. It was only through supreme effort that I didn't sweep her aside and run for the door. I was trembling and incoherent. Out and Away were my only thoughts.

Everyone must be asleep.

If it's something superficial, I'd like to be drawn out. I've learned not to give too much information, so now its habit. I give a reason, an excuse, a shrug. I don't explain what and why. Usually there is too much history anyway, for any given situation. So I give just enough to say "this is my decision".

But if it's something deeply personal. I do not want to be drawn out. That feels like I'm on an operating table being dissected. Not a nice feeling at all.