I lied...

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I lied when I said I was OK with having autism. Truth is, I can't stand it. I think it's one of the worst things that has ever happened to me because it's so hard to express myself to my friends and family. I actually wish I was cured so I could communicate better and not have so many mentdowns.

There, I said it.

I share the same feelings
I think the people who say otherwise are just trying to make the best of a bad situation

I don't think you are on your own.

I think you shouldn't make baseless assumptions about what others think.

Feel free to have your own feelings, but don't try and project yourself onto others. People have different experiences.

I feel that way sometimes, especially after I've had a breakdown in front of other people.

I don't feel that way all the time though but I'm a very mild case so I'm sure it makes a difference.

I share the feeling. I think autism/AS has been almost destroying my life. It's been affecting so many aspects of my life very negatively to the point where my quality of life is very poor. I have no friend that I can constantly be in touch with. I fear anything that involves interacting with others. I cannot even get a decent job. I cannot drive. For a long time before I found out about my AS I kept feeling guilty, ashamed and embarrassed about all my problems. I certainly think my life would've been easier without AS/autism.

But I have accepted that it will not go away. Now at least I'm aware that it's not my fault and I don't feel guilty or ashamed any more. In addition there certainly are some positive traits, too, though they are made pretty much useless by the negative ones. Now I think AS is part of me and in that sense I don't want myself to change.

There is one WP member who has been posting in various threads about his treatment for his problems including autism. He says so far it's been working very well. He says he will eventually share his treatment with us. So, OP, if you really want a cure, maybe you can keep an eye on his posts or even send a PM to him.

It didn't "happen to you" - you weren't neurotypical and then came down with a 'case' of Autism.

Its the way you were born, the way your brain was formed even before you were born. It is WHO YOU ARE.

Your Autism has influenced absolutely everything that has ever happened to you, every minute of your life, because it is ALWAYS THERE, informing the way you think, the way you feel, the way you react and the way you see the world. You don't HAVE Autism, as a burden that you carry - your ARE Autistic.

If you were "cured" you would become a completely different person. That doesn't necessarily mean a "better" person. You might find that you suddenly had a completely different set of problems and issues to deal with. The brain is a complex organ, if you pull a string on one side, a whole different area might go completely out of balance.

I know AS can be a pain in the butt, but at least it's our pain in the butt and we know what it is. Once you know what it is, and why certain things are difficult, then you can learn to work around them, and find ways that do work for you. At least be glad that you have that knowledge, because if you didn't, you'd still have the same problems, but everybody would insist that it was all your fault for choosing to be that way. That's the way it used to be - not only did you have the problems of AS, you got BLAMED for having them, like you were dong it all on purpose. THAT sucked.

I'm not one of those who believes that Asperger Syndrome is the next step up in human evolution. It's definitely a handicapping disability, but at least I don't have an eyeball growing out of my ear, or an immune system so fragile that I have to live inside a plastic bubble. I know it's very frustrating and depressing sometimes, but I try to keep in mind that I could have it a lot worse. And frankly, when I look around at how shallow and dumb a lot of the neurotypical world is - maybe being Autistic isn't the worst thing to be.

welcome to the club, I used to hate my Aspergers too.

if i was just finding out early in life i would probably feel the same way.

at this point in my own life, after living with it for so long, it's just a relief to have an explanation.

sorry you are in pain over this.

if i was just finding out early in life i would probably feel the same way.

at this point in my own life, after living with it for so long, it's just a relief to have an explanation.

sorry you are in pain over this.

@Willard: +10. That is exactly how I feel most of the time. Knowing "why" does help, so the self-blame can stop.

Same with my recent Meniere's diagnosis: now I know why I've always been clumsy, unable to drive, etc.--it's my inner ear's doing.

I think I can relate here some, I don't want to kill my personallity or lose the AS derived abillites I have by being cured however I honestly don't know if I will ever be able take advantage of them either becouse of AS, being perpetually stuck standing still in life, looking at all the things you missed out on in your past is not a good feeling.

The one big negative of AS that I hate the most is the social problems it cause but I think a lot of us can agree on that one so I won't be redundant about it. I won't deny it. it a real unavoidable plague effecting every aspect of my life but I try to focus on the positives of having AS like my enhanced engineering skills and the ability to quickly find and solve problem that most NT's can't.

One question that we might ask is. What if we could customize are brains like customizing a racecar. We could tweak the talents we have so we can win the race of life. That is. We lack social talent but we have stronger talents in other areas. Wouldn't it be nice if we could trade some of are stronger talents for some better social talent or do you think that being able to do that would destroy us as a person?

That's a fairly transhumanist perspective. I like it. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transhumanism )

I don't know enough about neurology to tell a) whether such a thing would be feasible to do to an already grown human, as opposed to pre-birth genetic engineering and perhaps cybernetics; and b) whether it might even be possible to have your cake and eat it too, "repairing" social deficits, executive dysfunction, etc without sacrificing the enhanced abilities of some auties.

It would be really cool if this was possible.

This!
I'm not diagnosed so let's take it I have a 50-50 chance to be it or not, anyway I realized that other people have much different issues then what I have and I would never want to be in their shoes because most of it to my eyes is nonsense, like spending most of teenage years worring about boys, it feels to me like a waste of time. I accept different but I wouldn't want to have lived it on my skin. Plus the whole empathy thing has also downsides for others, not being able to put myself in others shoes makes me ask tons of questions which lets people pull out what they need to, admitting not being able to understand and telling people I'm doing all my effort to immagine makes them perceive me as honest and a good person, I wouldn't want it to be any different because this simple thing has helped me gain affection in moments of my life when it was most needed, sure those people walked away very short after cause they couldn't accept me the same way they were accepted, still I find it honest and I wouldn't want someone close who's not being honest. So downsides sometimes are not necessarily a bad thing.

I hate everything about my aspergers, it's caused me nothing but grief my entire life.

I didn't even know I had it until about 6 months ago, apparently my family and closest friends were keeping it a secret for over 15 years. I cried when I was told I had it, I actually did research on it before because I knew something was wrong with me. I've never had friends outside of the misfits that other people didn't want to hang out with. The fat kids, ugly kids, etc, etc. but they were the only people who would give me the time of day. Woman? Psh I've had a few lucky shots, but it's been years since high school or any form of forced social interaction and I blew all my chances at the easy way. Now I have to put myself out there, and I can't. The years of rejection and constantly disappointing seemingly everyone I come in contact with is too painful for me to deal with now. I've been suffering from depression my whole life, suicide has entered my mind almost every hour since puberty.

Aspergers brought fear and anxiety in my life. Starting a conversation is impossible for me, I have no interests outside of the 1-2 things that my damn aspergers will let me enjoy and almost no one shares them. So 90% of my social interaction is exchanging hello's then not interacting much if at all until a goodbye. My conversations are shallow and have no depth, I tend to pretend to follow the flow of conversation but I'm typically lying and giving general responses because I don't know what to say. Now that I know I have aspergers I started paying attention to how I talk and I realized I'm horrible to be around. I cringe when I think back to what came out of my mouth, even just 10 minutes prior. I interupt, talk loudly, always drag the conversation back to the 1-2 things I enjoy and I'm terrible at pretending to care about other peoples interests. Everything is a joke as well, if it's not light hearted I instantly go in my shell and stay silent in fear of making a social mistake.

I'm paranoid about being judged, letting people down, making mistakes and not living up to peoples expectations and I don't know how to get passed it. I'm flying socially blind because of aspergers and its ruining every aspect of my life. Humans are social creatures, and I was born broken and it f*****g sucks. Anyone that tells you otherwise is just kidding themselves, We are 110% in our field of interest and 30% in everything else.