Why are people so easily offended?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-3jSTs2Zsw[/youtube]
It's hurtful (and even abusive) to reject how a person feels. Feelings don't make you a bad person. Feelings aren't "wrong." How we handle them matters, and everyone has the right to ask for kindness and respect, but it's not okay to invalidate (control) a person's feelings in the process.
I have feelings but I tend to be apathetic about what people say. Maybe because I was bullied so much. For medical students who typically had it pretty easy (they screen for good social skills and affable demeanour) I bet they haven't been desensitized to teasing yet.
You didn't seem apathetic in your original post.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-3jSTs2Zsw[/youtube]
It's hurtful (and even abusive) to reject how a person feels. Feelings don't make you a bad person. Feelings aren't "wrong." How we handle them matters, and everyone has the right to ask for kindness and respect, but it's not okay to invalidate (control) a person's feelings in the process.
I have feelings but I tend to be apathetic about what people say. Maybe because I was bullied so much. For medical students who typically had it pretty easy (they screen for good social skills and affable demeanour) I bet they haven't been desensitized to teasing yet.
You didn't seem apathetic in your original post.
Just because I can be generally apathetic on a micro scale (like individual comments), certain trends and behaviours do bother me. I am human after all.
Like, I don't even get offended by people being offended.
Well, that's definitely a positive character trait, in my opinion. To be offended by someone else being offended would be narcissistic. People who do that are obnoxious. You can't get mad at someone for having an emotion.
So I suppose I am offended by people who are offended when I'm offended. ROFL.
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Well, that's definitely a positive character trait, in my opinion. To be offended by someone else being offended would be narcissistic. People who do that are obnoxious. You can't get mad at someone for having an emotion.
So I suppose I am offended by people who are offended when I'm offended. ROFL.
she's a cutie.
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Well, that's definitely a positive character trait, in my opinion. To be offended by someone else being offended would be narcissistic. People who do that are obnoxious. You can't get mad at someone for having an emotion.
So I suppose I am offended by people who are offended when I'm offended. ROFL.
she's a cutie.
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As for the collective stick up the butt, it sounds unsanitary and best avoided especially at lunch time no matter what you're eating.
lol at the stick up your butt joke. I'm so proud of myself for not immediately taking that literally! aspieMD: 1, Asperger's: 0!
You did better than me Aspie, I was about to post a comment to let Jonny know you weren't being literal!
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The first one states that you are in medical school, and it is a common trope that undergraduate students are attempting to get into graduate school - being in graduate school is a sign of success to them. You already have something they want. It seems like you're gloating by saying that you are in medical school. It means you have already graduated undergrad. Moreover, to lower income students, being in medical school is a sign that you are able to *pay* for med school. A lot of poor students don't have that opportunity. Financial aid is less available for grad school because the FA system is like, well, you have a 'college degree' already you have to work full time.
The second one repeats the stereotype that Asian people are good at math and science. This is called the 'Model Minority stereotype' and people who use this idea often say "Asians are good at math and science, there are fewer African Americans than Caucasians in science, so racism doesn't exist / isn't relevant". Basically to people with bad intentions it is a way of dividing people of color in the fight against racism. The Model Minority Stereotype is also used to gloss over the large percentages of Asian Americans who are in poverty and do not graduate school.
That's about it afaik.
BTW. I am not NT. But I am involved in racial and class issues and figuring why the world is the way it is.
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Well, that's definitely a positive character trait, in my opinion. To be offended by someone else being offended would be narcissistic. People who do that are obnoxious. You can't get mad at someone for having an emotion.
So I suppose I am offended by people who are offended when I'm offended. ROFL.
I guess I am a narcissistic then because I have gotten offended by people getting offended. But I hear everyone is a little bit. Some people just have too much of it so it makes it a disorder.
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conundrum
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I wish people would just bite the bullet and just strive to be better people instead of continue living in ego-fantasy land. It boggles my mind how being direct could be such a crime. It is the only way any progress can happen in the world.
YES. Very well-said. I HATE "walking on eggshells" around anyone. And yes--constructive criticism can lead to improvement.
IMO, your first remark was empathizing. You're in school, she's in school. Never mind what level--that's it.
And I would have found that cartoon quite amusing. Maybe it was just "PC" stuff that got people p**sed off.
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^^Hear! Hear!^^
Hear hear hear
I wish people would just bite the bullet and just strive to be better people instead of continue living in ego-fantasy land. It boggles my mind how being direct could be such a crime. It is the only way any progress can happen in the world.
YES. Very well-said. I HATE "walking on eggshells" around anyone. And yes--constructive criticism can lead to improvement.
IMO, your first remark was empathizing. You're in school, she's in school. Never mind what level--that's it.
And I would have found that cartoon quite amusing. Maybe it was just "PC" stuff that got people p**sed off.
Thanks for the reassurance. It bothers me how some people overthink things. But them again, NTs tend to have much more complex motives than aspies and for people who don't understand AS they assume you're like them.
I don't think your reply to your friend was rude. I would have thought it was stating the facts, and empathetic. That someone read something else into it is not your fault.
I thought the concept of the meme was funny. But again some people will read hostile intent into just about anything.
Here in Australia, there was a KFC add made to mimic the cricket matches that I grew up with in the early 80's, where an Australian fan found himself seated in the opposing team's grandstand, surrounded by West Indian supporters. The gist of the add was that he shared his bucket of KFC around and everyone was happy. There were so many outraged comments (mainly from Americans who had no idea about cricket or Australian culture) who insisted the add was racist and stereotipical because he was calming the hostile African- Americans by giving them fried chicken. Seriously!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SCKUk3SxBI[/youtube]
As a not quite Aspie, I can seem like I get easily offended - but it's because I'm trying to spread education and nip myths/harmful things in the bud. I feel like if someone says something that could potentially be harmful in front of me, I need to speak up or I'm passively guilty of helping said attitudes spread. For example, some people hacked my friend's FB and said he'd been diagnosed with IBS as a way of insulting him. The friend was fine and thought it was funny...but I was upset, because I thought it was equating a disorder with something people can make fun of, and spreading stigma, so I commented saying as much. I'll comment correcting people (without cursing, but I normally don't curse as a general rule) all the time on Facebook on different topics. I do the same thing with the use of the word 'ret*d' or 'ret*d' as an insult. I'm sure it comes across as me being easily offended, but in reality I just am really sensitive to negative narratives that get spread about all sorts of things.
Also, yeah. NT hate, as exemplified earlier in this thread, is way too generalized. There are billions of NTs on earth. Some are bad, some are good. But there is a vein of anti-NT speech here on WP that's kind of disturbing. (And I have accidentally proved my point - I am very sensitive to negative narratives. I'm not offended and I don't mean to offend, but I'm sure it comes across that way.)
My point, I suppose, is that there are a lot of different reasons behind these things that come across just as being easily offended.
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I thought the concept of the meme was funny. But again some people will read hostile intent into just about anything.
You guys keep talking about intent, and I'm feeling like this is a really key point that aspies and non-aspies don't see eye-to-eye on. I'm wishing I could figure out a way to articulate the difference I'm seeing here, but I think I'm failing at it, because the conversation keeps going back to "intent."
AspieMD, if what you were hoping for was validation that you didn't mean any harm, by all means, I agree you didn't mean harm. I think I said that earlier that I don't think you're a bad person and I know you meant well (but if I didn't say that, I apologize, I'll say it now.) You didn't mean harm, and it's a bummer that people on facebook don't recognize that.
I'm not trying to say you are a bad person or that you should feel ashamed. Anyone could have had a misunderstanding like that. But I thought you weren't looking for empathy/validation. You asked in your original post, "Neurotypicals, can you please explain to me why and how on earth NTs can become so easily offended and riled up by things?"
The intent isn't what's upsetting.
In the video about the advertisement with the fried chicken, obviously it wasn't intended to be racist and context is everything. But consider this... That ad was meant for Australia. Most savvy advertising agencies would NOT air that in the USA right now. Why? Because if a black person sees fried chicken being passed out to a bunch of black people on TV, it's going to be an upsetting image. The advertiser isn't going to say, "Well, we'll air it anyway because the intent isn't racism." They're going to say, "African Americans would be upset seeing a racial stereotype, regardless of context." Part of that is not wanting to lose customers, but part of it is not wanting to do something that will make another person feel bad.
Now don't tell me that there is nothing anyone can say that would make an aspie feel bad. You're not robots, I KNOW you have human emotions just like anyone else. If I am aware of something that might make you feel bad, I'm not going to say it, regardless of whether I think it might help you or not. And if I say something that makes you feel bad (but I didn't realize it beforehand), I'm not going to think you're an idiot for being upset. I'll recognize there has been a misunderstanding - I will hope that you will accept that I don't mean to hurt you - I will learn from the experience and not bring up that particular thing.
And I know darn well that aspies do that social dance, too... it's just apparently a lot more work for an aspie than it is for me. And I know there are going to be whole heck of a lot more misunderstandings. But if you continue to focus on "intent" you're just going to spin yourselves in circles. It doesn't answer the question that OP originally asked.
conundrum
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Very true. It could be re-made for the U.S. by having everyone be of the same race--just a fan of one team (whatever the sport) sitting in the other team's section by mistake.
No, it's not about intent. I get that. It's about "whatever upsets a person, upsets them." That's it. Mistakes can be made, because we can't read each other's minds. It's not Aspie/NT, or whatever--all human beings make these errors.
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The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17
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