What help did your parents give you?

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Did my parents/guardians provide me with practically helpful dating and relationship advice?
Yes 9%  9%  [ 3 ]
No 91%  91%  [ 29 ]
Total votes : 32

octobertiger
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10 Oct 2013, 12:16 pm

Hello all,

I'm wondering how much our own dating lives and relationship experiences have been influenced by what our parents taught us with words and actions.

I didn't get much input, beyond a wonderfully bad example in the case of my father, which I suppose was helpful in a sort of do-the-opposite way.

Anyone else feel that their parents kind of left them abandoned in a strange world where up was down?



babybird
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10 Oct 2013, 12:30 pm

No parents. However, I did have social workers who tried to help and guide me, but I wasn't listening at the time.

To be perfectly honest I am absolutely lost where it comes to relationships.


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lost561
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10 Oct 2013, 12:50 pm

No help whatsoever when it comes to relationships.

Never saw a normal relationship with my parents, and never was talked about.

Everything I know has been self taught.



Bitoku
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10 Oct 2013, 2:33 pm

octobertiger wrote:
Anyone else feel that their parents kind of left them abandoned in a strange world where up was down?

My parents had a horrible relationship, and were fairly messed up in their own right, so I had to figure things out on my own.



BigSnoopy126
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10 Oct 2013, 3:40 pm

I got to see it firsthand, since my mom and stepdad met when i was maybe 5 and married when i was 11. I got to see a few "don't"s, like my mom said the first date he took her miles away, not telling her where it would be, which was further than she wanted to be with a little kid at home with her parents. I saw quite a few good things, too. They have a great relationship.

But, a lot of those good things that won her over were either private (I know he apologized and realized he messed up after that first date but little else and never saw it) or things I coudln't figure out when to do (spontaneous romantic stuff.)

A few of the "do"s they discussed later sounded good but just didn't work out. However, except for "don't think about who you're going to marry, just try it," most of them were very helpful and just didn't work out for me. So their hearts were int he right place, and I'd say it was all good enough to be called a "yes" for this poll.

However, personally, I can't see why you'd date someone you don't want to marry. So, I don't call that practical, but I guess it could work if you're "going dutch." Like my mom read about this person with similar handicaps in the paper and hooked us up. We had lunch together and talked some and that was it. I was like, "Uh, okay, what was the point here?" afterward.

But, I try too hard at enough stuff that I give her a pass even there. I figure, "Okay, I know who I inherited trying too hard from."



Nambo
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10 Oct 2013, 3:48 pm

I was left alone in my room until old enough to hang out with friends, I would be beaten and kicked in the stomach at the slightest excuse so I had to teach myself to never talk in their presence by punching myself repeatedly in the face whilst telling myself, "don't talk, don't talk"
They would stand me up so they could mock any physical deficiencies I had, this was all before I was even 10.

So they taught me that nobody could Love me, that nobody would want to talk to me or even be in my presence, and that I was hideously deformed.



waffle_house
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10 Oct 2013, 4:37 pm

Didn't get any help with dating/relationships, but my Dad did give me several talks on how touching yourself is a sin, how he struggled with it, and put up a sticky note reminder for himself on the computer that read "Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom." (Religious family, obviously)
I had to share the computer, too, which made things even more awkward.
Oh, and there was the audiobook series on growing up by Dr. Dobson that he made us listen to on long car rides.
So yeah, lot of stuff about sin, but not much on dating advice.
I wonder if that's where some of my issues come from? :roll:



Stargazer43
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10 Oct 2013, 4:40 pm

The only advice they gave me was "You're a great person, just keep waiting and you'll find someone when you least expect it!"

After a few years of waiting I said enough of this!



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10 Oct 2013, 4:43 pm

Mom: "Just be yourself! Any girl would be happy and proud to be with you!"

Dad: "Get a job! I'm not financing your f*** dates!"


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octobertiger
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10 Oct 2013, 4:44 pm

waffle_house wrote:
my Dad did give me several talks on how touching yourself is a sin, how he struggled with it, and put up a sticky note reminder for himself


Sticky note? Ewwww.... :lol:

sorry *shuts up*



appletheclown
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10 Oct 2013, 4:49 pm

Fnord wrote:
Mom: "Just be yourself! Any girl would be happy and proud to be with you!"

Dad: "Get a job! I'm not financing your f*** dates!"


This^^^^^^^

As long as they are good parents, it is the best advice you could possibly get. I'm not really joking either.
I am smiling inside again, good times, good times.


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appletheclown
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10 Oct 2013, 4:50 pm

waffle_house wrote:
Didn't get any help with dating/relationships, but my Dad did give me several talks on how touching yourself is a sin, how he struggled with it, and put up a sticky note reminder for himself on the computer that read "Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom." (Religious family, obviously)
I had to share the computer, too, which made things even more awkward.
Oh, and there was the audiobook series on growing up by Dr. Dobson that he made us listen to on long car rides.
So yeah, lot of stuff about sin, but not much on dating advice.
I wonder if that's where some of my issues come from? :roll:


Is that House as a waffle? From the tv show?


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waffle_house
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10 Oct 2013, 4:51 pm

octobertiger wrote:
waffle_house wrote:
my Dad did give me several talks on how touching yourself is a sin, how he struggled with it, and put up a sticky note reminder for himself


Sticky note? Ewwww.... :lol:

sorry *shuts up*

haha, no, it wasn't sticky in that way!
:P

Quote:
Is that House as a waffle? From the tv show?

Why yes. yes it is.
It's supposed to be a play on the "waffle house" restaurant chain. It's a lame joke, I know, lol.



Last edited by waffle_house on 10 Oct 2013, 4:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

leafplant
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10 Oct 2013, 4:53 pm

OMG Nambo, that is awful. I hope you have found a way to overcome all that.


My parents tried to be really really good about everything but they sort of didn't take into account that I wasn't like them so ended up grossing me out a lot. I didn't receive a message that it is OK to be on your own if that is what you want. My mother still wants me to find someone and my last relationship was partly so that my family would get off my back. In words, I was always told that I should do whatever makes me happy. In actions, I've always received a message that it is not OK to be who I really am but that I need to be this presentation thing instead. Also, none of the relationships in my family are healthy in any way so I have no idea what that looks like.



billiscool
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10 Oct 2013, 4:55 pm

no,every time I ask my Dad for dating advice,you goes
off on how bad republicans are.



appletheclown
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10 Oct 2013, 4:59 pm

waffle_house wrote:
Why yes. yes it is.
It's supposed to be a play on the "waffle house" restaurant chain. It's a lame joke, I know, lol.

I think it is awesome.


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