What help did your parents give you?

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Did my parents/guardians provide me with practically helpful dating and relationship advice?
Yes 9%  9%  [ 3 ]
No 91%  91%  [ 29 ]
Total votes : 32

aspiemotional
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11 Oct 2013, 12:16 pm

For me the answer is no. My mom and dad divorced when I was very young so I didn't have an example of a relationship at home. Even then I couldn't straight up ask either one of them for advice growing up. My mom is just as emotionally guarded as I am and even though my dad remarried and had well adjusted kids, my emotional isolationism prevented me from talking about anything even remotely personal.


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Who_Am_I
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11 Oct 2013, 6:07 pm

lost561 wrote:
No help whatsoever when it comes to relationships.

Never saw a normal relationship with my parents, and never was talked about.

Everything I know has been self taught.


Same here. Except that my parents did have a normal relationship.

Not that I would have listened to advice anyway. :P


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Aspie1
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12 Oct 2013, 11:51 am

No help whatsoever!

One, they argued constantly right in front of me, complete with threats to "file for divorce and move away". Stupid me tried to play marriage counselor. (I'd rather not talk about how I did it; it's too painful of a memory.) When I tried to ask them why they argue in front of me, they'd say: "You're part of the family; you deserve to know what's going on between us!". What's interesting is that they never argued in front of my older sister, their favorite child. Throughout the entire 24 years I lived with my parents, I was never able to successfully get them to stop arguing. On top of that, despite the constant arguing and possibility of permanently losing one parent, I was still expected to "be a good person" (their words) at all times and get the best grades. Needless to say, I was asking god to take my life at as early as age 9, and still have no desire to ever get married or have kids, not even if an AK-47 is pointed in my face.

Two, they postponed and delayed me getting my license until I was 19. While in my high school, 95% of guys and 80% of girls got their licenses at 16 or 17. Without a car, I couldn't date, period, even though one or two girls were romantically interested in me. As a result, when I got to college, which was in a more urban area where driving wasn't as essential, I ended up dating a girl I could barely stand to look at, mainly, if not only, because she told me she didn't care about me not having a car. Also, I, pretty much, fell behind by 4 years if not more, on the learning curve of dating. I was able to catch up fairly well, thanks to dating sites, escort services (shhhh!), and wild cruises to the Caribbean, but not until the ripe old age of 30. If I had a car in high school, I could have at least gotten some "practice runs" with dating in high school, and not have had to date a girl I was embarrassed to be seen in public with out of sheer desperation.

Three, it seems like a year ago, my parents had an "uh oh" moment when it comes to me being 29 and still single. At first, they tried to do some damage control, even offered to fix me up on a date with their friends' daughter. I politely but vehemently declined. After all, after decades of sabotaging my dating ("it was unintentional" be damned), the fix-up offer was too little too late. Plus, their strict parenting forced me to put up false facade with them, so more likely than not, I'd have nothing in common with that woman. Plus, I tried to push back by talking about the wild adventures I had on my cruises, like how 40-something women were hitting on me (it's true), and how I hung out with two women from Detroit (a very dangerous city) who actually thought I was cool and loved my dancing skills (also true). It seems like they finally made peace with the fact that I won't be giving them any grandkids. Marriage is just not worth it, period.



Shebakoby
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13 Oct 2013, 10:14 pm

Mine never gave me much of any because I've never had any relationship. My father gave me absolutely none, and mom didn't give me much.



MCalavera
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14 Oct 2013, 1:45 am

blueroses wrote:
^^ I'm afraid I don't get the reference. My username is a Tennessee Williams reference. Is there another blueroses?


Yeah, Glass Menagerie. Her mother was quite a narcissist. :P

Anyway, as for me, aside from mother being there for us when we were little, nothing that I can know of. If anything, my siblings and I had to make a lot of progressions and improvements despite them (father is a full-on narcissist and mother is so weak she'll back up those who go against me in case of a conflict even if I'm in the right). The irony is it was my mother, not father, who used to spank us when we were little kids (except for my little sister).



the_alchemist
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14 Oct 2013, 5:00 pm

When I was at school my mum was utterly useless, telling me I wasn't allowed a girlfriend. I did what she told me and didn't go out with girls. It would of helped my social skills alot if I went out with the girl that liked me and I could of got to know her friends instead of hanging out in the library.

If I had a parant that said "just wait for her to show interest and don't get defensive" life would be alot easier I think