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Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 10

11 Oct 2013, 12:34 pm

While my clinical diagnosis is pending, I am 100% certain that I have been a suffering, undiagnosed Aspie my entire life. I just discovered all of this, so I have not been able to adjust attempted relationships/friendships accordingly in the past.
I have always been so shy, so scared, and so desperate for friends that I didn't know what to do with myself. Once someone was able to convince me that they liked at least part of me, then BAM. I would dump all of me on them. Then they would, over the course of agonizing weeks or months, back slowly out of the room without telling me why. It took me a very long time to realize why people kept doing this. Unfortunately, learning of my ineptitude has barely even slowed it down. Every time this happens with a person, I close like a steel vault and vow that I will never allow it to happen again. The next time someone says, "hey, that one thing is kind of cool," I proceed to heap myself upon their heads like nothing ever happened.
And so it goes - Restrain, RELEASE, Retreat, Repeat.

Right now I feel like everyone I know and care for dreads my calls, texts, presence. It's such a spiky, awkward feeling from no matter how far away.

Is this part of it all, or is it just me? How do you deal with it?


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Joined: 22 Sep 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,224

11 Oct 2013, 1:06 pm

Haha - I could give this a term 'golden labrador syndrome'. To me it doesn't bother me at all. It's just a lot for some people to take in, as they are used to people behaving in more rigid ways.

Have I ever done it? Yeah, more as a teen. I think people would be surprised - oh wow, this quiet person has suddenly become rather, erm... well, you've been there.

I reckon some of this is you feeling insecure about yourself. Regardless, you are in a cycle, and it's a little self-abusive. When it all goes wrong, you probably beat yourself up and go too far back into yourself.

The only way out is to lessen the importance of what people think about you, and increase your unconditional faith in yourself. Taking oneself too seriously is dangerous, too. (there's threads on this board where people hang out and insult each other, you might find it useful taking part for a while).

A middle ground will become clearer. Look for a middle ground in relationships for a while, even if it does make them a bit boring. I think you sound like the sort of person who will make two or three great friends for life, anyway.


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Joined: 6 Aug 2012
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 689
Location: California

11 Oct 2013, 2:33 pm

It's funny, I've been thinking about this recently.... You start off in your shell, slowly come out, and then quickly become "too much." Recently I've been told by some new friends that I've made that I like to be the center of attention and that I try too hard...and both things were said in a nice way and I didn't get upset. But it does make me think of what you guys are talking about.

Meh.....what can anyone do though? Sure you can modify you behavior a bit, try to be considerate but at the end of the day, you are who you are.....we are forced to accept that.

?Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.?