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DevilKisses
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11 Oct 2013, 10:17 pm

I want to look like a quirky NT because I don't want people to think I have a disability. I try to keep stimming to a minimum, but I unfortunately can't stop it completely because I won't be able to think. I think my stimming is what gives me away. I want to be able to fit in with the quirky NTs because I usually get along best with them. I do not get along with Aspies or normal NTs. Maybe I already look like a quirky NT.


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franknfurter
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11 Oct 2013, 10:37 pm

what does you stimming include, because some things can be easily hidden or passed of as just being of a nervous disposition



DevilKisses
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11 Oct 2013, 10:41 pm

franknfurter wrote:
what does you stimming include, because some things can be easily hidden or passed of as just being of a nervous disposition

Running around, but I usually make myself walk or pace instead. This can look weird because I have to get up a million times to be able to focus on stuff. Especially at school.


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EMTkid
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12 Oct 2013, 7:46 am

Can you channel your stimming into another form? Something to do with your hands maybe? When I was trying to get a new job, I trained myself instead of rocking to flip a pencil across my fingers and to play with a deck of cards. The repetitive motion is still soothing and it's more inconspicuous.



arielhawksquill
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12 Oct 2013, 9:05 am

Join the cross country running team at your school. Then you can run yourself to exhaustion every day and people will think you are an athlete rather than disabled.



tonmeister
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14 Oct 2013, 10:25 am

I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 30s, so for most of my life, everyone (myself included) just assumed I was quirky and eccentric. But I've spent my whole life working on social skills and keeping my less socially-acceptable behaviors in check, so here's what's worked for me:

1. I do stimm, but I had no idea what it was until I was diagnosed. I scratch my head and fidget with my hands constantly. As a kid, I picked my nose obsessively. As an adult, I've learned to hide my hands under a table, I stopped picking my nose, and I trained myself not to scratch my head in public. But it was taking up coffee drinking as a teenager that really helped. Having a cup of coffee to play with made for a socially acceptable prop for my hands.

2. I don't talk about my really esoteric special interests to most people unless they already seem interested. I have a couple of other interests that are things I'm mildly into, and are still considered kind of nerdy, but not as weird as my real special interests.

3. I've really had to work on my speaking style. I used to either mumble or shout, with no in-between. This still comes out if I'm either really tired or really excited about something, but I have to think about modulating my voice all the time. (It does get tiring.)

4. I gave up on trying to make eye contact. I used to work at it, and it came off as forced and a little creepy. People seem less put off by lack of eye contact than by force eye contact.

5. Small talk is going to happen. I don't like it. Most quirky NTs don't either. Listening to NPR gave me something to talk about when people tried to make small talk. With quirky/artistic/intellectual NTs, you can usually fall back on movies, indie rock, or cuisine.

6. Some NTs just aren't worth the effort. I basically avoid loud, boisterous, extraverted NTs if I can help it. It's rarely a pleasant experience for anyone involved. Paradoxically, being around such people seems to make me feel and act more autistic - I just shut down and have nothing to say, and then I want to go home and sit around by myself with my computer or turntable.



Codyrules37
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14 Oct 2013, 11:28 am

simple. Be friendly to people. If you're friendly to people, they're more likely to look past your flaws.



StarTrekker
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14 Oct 2013, 11:09 pm

Why do you have to behave like quirky NTs to be one of them? They're quirky, surely they'll accept you as you are.


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DevilKisses
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15 Oct 2013, 12:17 pm

StarTrekker wrote:
Why do you have to behave like quirky NTs to be one of them? They're quirky, surely they'll accept you as you are.

I just don't want to be treated like I'm disabled. Even if they "accept" me they will probably still treat me somewhat differently. I've been treated like a disabled person for my whole life since I was diagnosed early. A lot of people on this forum will probably think I'm lucky because of that. My diagnosis is probably one the main reasons why I have no friends. Lately I haven't been treated like I'm disabled as much. It's probably because I'm working extremely hard not to look disabled.


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LtlPinkCoupe
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16 Oct 2013, 5:59 pm

I like the idea of joining a track team or the like in order to be able to run as much you like in what people would think as a "socially acceptable" way. Also, I agree with StarTrekker and CodyRules37 - if you appear friendly, then people will approach you. :D

Some of my special interests/stims involve cartoon characters and plushies, and the way I've channeled this in a public setting is to hang a lot of plushie keychains from my shoulder bag and backpack, and wear a lot of buttons and pins on my shoulder bag. I get a lot of compliments on both my keychains and my buttons/pins. Little kids like the Disney and My Little Pony buttons I have on my bag - I was standing in line at the Disney Store last week and a little girl noticed my Fluttershy button and that segued to a conversation b/tw the two of us about who our favorite ponies were, Equestria Girls, etc. :D Maybe if you happen to mention how much you like running, you might meet someone who used to run for track or likes to jog, and become friends with them based on a shared interest.

I used to think of my interest in animated characters as just a special interest, but now I think it qualifies as a stim, too...I like looking at photos and pictures of my favorite characters, and having their pictures on the buttons on my bag sort of serves the same function as seeing someone you recognize/trust in a loud, disorienting crowd of random people you don't know. I also used to carry computer printouts with pictures of the Cars characters on them in my bag.


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watt4192
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16 Oct 2013, 6:26 pm

I was always spec ed in school, but this was the 70s and we didn't "have" AS back then. I thought evry human was like me, but I was really bad at it, so I had too work really hard. When people asked me questions, I had to translate the literal into the figurative. When I gave honest answers people thought I was joking. Hell, I found it kind of funny too. I still do this. Say, are any of you folks considered "funny" (entertainingly funny)? Are there comedians w/ AS? Is this topic covered on a different thread? If I thought a bit I could guess at a few. People think I'm a riot--and NO, they're not laughing AT me.



DevilKisses
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16 Oct 2013, 7:55 pm

LtlPinkCoupe wrote:
I like the idea of joining a track team or the like in order to be able to run as much you like in what people would think as a "socially acceptable" way. Also, I agree with StarTrekker and CodyRules37 - if you appear friendly, then people will approach you. :D

Some of my special interests/stims involve cartoon characters and plushies, and the way I've channeled this in a public setting is to hang a lot of plushie keychains from my shoulder bag and backpack, and wear a lot of buttons and pins on my shoulder bag. I get a lot of compliments on both my keychains and my buttons/pins. Little kids like the Disney and My Little Pony buttons I have on my bag - I was standing in line at the Disney Store last week and a little girl noticed my Fluttershy button and that segued to a conversation b/tw the two of us about who our favorite ponies were, Equestria Girls, etc. :D Maybe if you happen to mention how much you like running, you might meet someone who used to run for track or likes to jog, and become friends with them based on a shared interest.

I used to think of my interest in animated characters as just a special interest, but now I think it qualifies as a stim, too...I like looking at photos and pictures of my favorite characters, and having their pictures on the buttons on my bag sort of serves the same function as seeing someone you recognize/trust in a loud, disorienting crowd of random people you don't know. I also used to carry computer printouts with pictures of the Cars characters on them in my bag.

I'm not actually athletic. I just run/walk for short distances as a stim. I hate running laps. I think athletic people are boring to talk to anyways.


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You are very likely neurotypical


gretchyn
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17 Oct 2013, 8:27 am

DevilKisses wrote:
I do not get along with Aspies or normal NTs.


DevilKisses wrote:
I think athletic people are boring to talk to anyways.




Hmmm...broad generalizations by other people are what got you into this situation in the first place... :? One step might be to refrain from automatically excluding certain types of people based on their interests or what you perceive to be their personalities because you've categorized them. On one hand you're saying, "I don't want these people to exclude me because I'm not like them," but on the other hand you're saying, "I am going to exclude these people because they're not like me."

I'm not sure how old you are, but your idea of how fitting in works sounds a bit immature. It's great if you'd like to make friends, but you'll only make true friends with people around whom you can be yourself, and who don't judge you and stuff you into some category. Perhaps you're limiting yourself by trying to fit in with one group of people, causing you to overlook other people who might be just the friends you're looking for.