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People don't let me finish speaking

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Verdandi
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14 Oct 2013, 7:13 pm

ParaSait wrote:
If it's specifically me who is supposed to talk, there's not really a problem. But I've noticed that this happens in any social situation where multiple people talk to one or more person (for example, A, B and C all explain something to D, or to each other).
Sometimes it's so bad that I can't even speak the first word of the sentence without someone completely ignoring and interrupting me. This can kind of tick me off, especially if I feel like I have the most valuable things to say in that conversation (which is usually the case).
And, again, this does not just happen with a specific set of people, it tends to happen in any such situation. So I think it has to be a problem on my side, of one kind or another.

What can I possibly be doing wrong? Is it because I speak too quietly? Is it because I have to actively call the attention to myself somehow? Is it because I begin to talk at the wrong moment (that would seem very ironic to me, since I begin to talk when there's silence, and others begin to talk in the middle of my sentence)? Or is this rude behaviour on people's side just considered to be normal from the NT perspective?
See, I really have no clue even as to what the nature of this problem is. I think some people can probably relate and give me that clue...


This happens to me all the time. I think maybe less than it did when I was in my 20s, but still frequently.

I hesitate to theorize why this is the case.



Codyrules37
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14 Oct 2013, 7:33 pm

one of the following may apply

maybe your voice doesn't travel? too quiet?

maybe during a group conversation, no one is focusing on you and they're focusing on someone else so when you talk, they don't pay attention to it.

maybe you're talking too much and you're not giving other people a chance to talk so they interrupt



staremaster
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14 Oct 2013, 10:19 pm

This happens to me. I attribute it to "not being respected" and leave it at that. Sometimes I just continue speaking as if I was never interrupted, which is evidently the pinnacle of rudeness.



naturalplastic
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15 Oct 2013, 5:04 am

In situations in which you get interrupted- do people interupte each other with the same frequency that they interrupt you?



elkclan
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15 Oct 2013, 5:11 am

As with 'BirdinFlight' I'm in the UK and this happens all the time in NT only conversations. It can be quite infuriating. I agree.

But it may be happening more often to you if you're not picking up cues. I also find that Aspies (suspected) I've dealt with in tech will often interrupt or project weird cues on when they're finished or just not finish (sigh).

My ASD suspected spouse never.stops.talking and constantly interrupts me - even when he's just asked me a question!! ! Grrrr.



staremaster
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15 Oct 2013, 10:24 am

naturalplastic wrote:
In situations in which you get interrupted- do people interupte each other with the same frequency that they interrupt you?


For myself I would say "no". Maybe it has something to do with a strange pattern of speech. I tend to think it is just an indication that people are not worried about offending the person they cut off.



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15 Oct 2013, 11:37 am

naturalplastic wrote:
In situations in which you get interrupted- do people interupte each other with the same frequency that they interrupt you?


No. They don't interrupt each other. Also, I do not have a quiet voice.

What usually happens is A says something. Then I, B, reply. Quickly after I start talking C says something. Then A or D reply to C. I attempt to repeat what I tried to say, but the process starts over again. Many times, I don't get to say what I wanted until they move on to another conversation. If, at that point,I say what I had been trying to say, they tell me "we've moved on from that topic" or they just ignore and interrupt again.

This happens in various groups, not just certain people. I think there are some sort of nonverbal cues telling people when it is their turn to talk. At least I hope that is what it is. A lot of times it makes me feel like no one takes me seriously or that thy don't care to hear what I have to say. I hope it is just a nonverbal cue thing.


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