Do female Aspies prefer male company over female?

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Therese04
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31 Oct 2013, 2:51 pm

Thanks Callista!! ! I love what you said. By that definition yes I am your typical female and I.....like the women in your knitting group.....am not interested in hurting anyone. I do love unique people however who can bring out another more contemplative side of me. I can hold my own in a group setting but tend to be quiet until I get to know people. I dont connect with everyone but there is something about deeply introspective people that is intriguing to me and I recognize them when I see them. It seems as though these people tend not to want to go out and socialize though so I am not sure how to break through that. Let me know if you have any suggestions.



Soccer22
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31 Oct 2013, 3:56 pm

Unfortunately, I don't find women or men enjoyable to be around. Women talk about men too much and men talk about men stuff that I don't know much about (like cars or football). I've found that the only person I enjoy being around is my mom, because her and I are both aspies and have many similar interests, so we really understand each other.



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31 Oct 2013, 4:18 pm

If it's one-on-one, females. I am afraid of most males--not sure why, just am. I don't like being in groups of either one.


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31 Oct 2013, 5:39 pm

I have some female friends, but most of them are not normal and like geeky things. My kind of women... :)

I am a guy btw. I guess it's just a social thing. I tend to relate well to guys too. :D


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dobyfm
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31 Oct 2013, 5:55 pm

I don't like to hang out with most people, but I tend to get along better with and want to hang out more with guys because I just do. And it's not because I'm one of those females who says I don't like other females because "they're all catty". From my experience I think both genders can be gossipy and backstab others.



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01 Nov 2013, 2:55 pm

Therese04 wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Well, I don't know, I am not your friend but perhaps she doesn't connect in the same way you do. I definitely find myself burdened when people over-share, specially if it is about negative things. It's like - woa, why are you dumping all this in my lap..from my personal point of view, I'd feel like I am obliged to deal with your problem somehow. Not sure if your friend has the same attitude, but that is how I process this.

I find all feelings difficult to process, positive and negative, so trying to minimise that discomfort is always welcome.

Final thing - you did not go through the same thing as your friend. You went through your own thing. She is going through something different. If she is like me, she would feel resentful at the implication that you know what she is going through.

I know. So sorry, we are a major pain to be friends with! :oops:

That's just the thing. I don't think you are a major pain to be friends with. Thanks for the insight. It's a rather long story but initially when it all happened she was very grateful that I reached out. Keep in mind this is a newer friend. I didnt really share much of my experience only bc ut happened over 7 years ago but what seemed to upset her the most was when I offered to "be there" and invited her out. She made me feel like I did something wrong. As far as the feelings are concerned its mostly when I say something nice about her. She seems to get overwhelmed.

I am trying to initate a friendship basically and that is what seems to be the biggest problem. Maybe she is just scared or truly doesn't want to be friends. Both responses are painful for me to hear bc I do really like her. Just trying to understand.


Again, I am not your friend, but if she seems overwhelmed by something wouldn't you deduce that the thing to do is not pursue that particular avenue? She isn't just going to stop being overwhelmed because you have done something for the 120th time. I think NTs can get desensitised by repetition, however people on AS just keep getting worse and worse.

If you want to be her friend you have to accept she will not relate in the same way you do. Or maybe not at all. Are you really sure you want to be her friend?



Therese04
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01 Nov 2013, 3:38 pm

leafplant wrote:
Again, I am not your friend, but if she seems overwhelmed by something wouldn't you deduce that the thing to do is not pursue that particular avenue? She isn't just going to stop being overwhelmed because you have done something for the 120th time. I think NTs can get desensitised by repetition, however people on AS just keep getting worse and worse.

If you want to be her friend you have to accept she will not relate in the same way you do. Or maybe not at all. Are you really sure you want to be her friend?


No.....you are definitely right. I just didn't understand why that would be overwhelming. I definitely want to be her friend, she clearly does not want to be mine. I still see her so I just try to be nice and not let it impact the working relationship. Maybe some day she will come around. Not sure.



moonman_tacco
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01 Nov 2013, 5:57 pm

I'm not a woman, but I cannot get along with any woman out there as I do not like "small talk" and talking about personal things.

Plus women I've come across, never stop talking and think because I can not keep up the conversation, that I am being rude.

Only guys - less talkative, less emotional, simple and straightforward.



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01 Nov 2013, 7:28 pm

Yes I get along better with men. I have no interest in discussing kids, clothes, celebrities, gossip, hair, TV shows, shoes and Pinterest when I am trying to work and concentrate. And then there is the bitchy judgemental backstabbing that "most" men don't do to women which makes me feel safer to hang out with men.


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lostinlove
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01 Nov 2013, 8:41 pm

Schneekugel wrote:
"Typical NT girls" conversation are for me hard to follow sometimes, so to my experience they use more "hidden" language, that is harder to recognize for me. Additional I dont share much interests with girls, so either I am bored or others are bored. :(


I can relate to this! I much prefer the company of men



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03 Sep 2016, 11:18 pm

I'm nvld yes i do, because women tend to be passive aggressive and reading those non verbal signals can be exhausting. I'm also blunt and women find that crass, even if i'm not rude, the lack of emotion is unappealing to them. Which i totally understand, when i meet women that act the way i do, i find it off putting and annoying.

Example: "hey can i borrow this?" Me: Ya sure i don't care

that sort of a response with a monotone voice and a blank face is irksome. Men can get away with it, but no one should act like that. I try not to act that way, but it's exhausting not to, it's just my nature.



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04 Sep 2016, 12:29 am

I've actually been curious if I might do better in female company. Men are typically direct, which is nice... but we're also socially encouraged to be kind of dickheads. I'm especially curious how I'd get along with aspie women; I haven't known very many.

Oddly, as I've aged some of my autistic behaviors have become more characteristic of female aspies than male ones.


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NewRose
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04 Sep 2016, 12:38 am

Yes, I cannot deal with most other women because they are way too focused on cute things.



EgotisticalAltruist
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04 Sep 2016, 1:39 am

This was a fun thread to read! I don't like hanging out with most guys so my friends are usually girls. I think you gals tend to be more empathetic and verbally caring. I've been overwhelmed at times and have needed a friend to say some nice words and I guess I sorta gravitated to opening up to females. I also find the nonverbal communication from girls to be enjoyable. With my friends, we can stare at each other, make weird faces, and give each other big smiles. The only guy friends I have are stoners and without the weed, we don't really bond.



Sawke
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05 Sep 2016, 5:25 pm

EgotisticalAltruist wrote:
This was a fun thread to read! I don't like hanging out with most guys so my friends are usually girls. I think you gals tend to be more empathetic and verbally caring. I've been overwhelmed at times and have needed a friend to say some nice words and I guess I sorta gravitated to opening up to females. I also find the nonverbal communication from girls to be enjoyable. With my friends, we can stare at each other, make weird faces, and give each other big smiles. The only guy friends I have are stoners and without the weed, we don't really bond.



This is so interesting! the aspgers women on here are saying they prefer men, myself included, and the men are saying they prefer women. A lot of male aspergers guys i know prefer women themselves. I think maybe sometimes the same sex just isn't communicating with us in the way we need.