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tralala
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01 Nov 2013, 8:42 am

Hey there, I'm an undiagnosed female Aspie from Germany and I was wondering if anyone else is experiencing more problems with the same gender when it comes to communication.
I feel like most (NT) women hate me and are really harsh to me. Has anyone else experienced this and what might be the reason?
I have never been really unfriendly, I'm just really introverted and socially awkward.
I don't feel like men do have such problems with me when it comes to my behaviour and personality.



lostatsea
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01 Nov 2013, 9:13 am

I have the exact same experience with women. The women I tend to get along with the most are women that display more male-like traits (funnily enough).

I find that, for me, I struggle to maintain conversations with NT females because my likes and interests differ so greatly from theirs (generalization of course). I disconnect so quickly from conversations that involve shopping or tv shows (depending on the show) or clothes or hair etc etc etc. I also find that female friendships have a lot more expectations around socializing. I have been invited to dinners with groups of NT women before and found ANY excuse to get out of it because I hate being the quiet one at the table wanting nothing more then to disengage.

In this way, maintaining friendships with NT women is very difficult for me. I've had women drop out of my life because I do not meet their expectations.

Its my biggest challenge, but I am trying hard to meet other women who have similar interests (mainly gaming and not being nasty to other people). I will persevere!



Soccer22
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01 Nov 2013, 9:49 am

Yes, I have a problem socializing with women. They don't like me and I don't like them. The few girls I'm friends with are girls that have similar interests as me, they're into sports, don't drink, don't party, and they hate drama. I'm very fortunate to have my few girl friends. It took many years to find them though. I don't see my girl friends regularly, I'm not into that and it took some time to find girls that were ok with that.

My advice is to keep trying to find a girl that you can be friends with, I think it's important. It's been nice having my girl friends when needing to ask advice about women things or just to hear a woman's perspective. You can't do that with guys.



Monolithe
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01 Nov 2013, 9:50 am

I haven't really experienced girls/women being Snappy or mean to me the last few years, but there was a school year that when i was 16 i experienced two girls being unfriendly with me at times. But the good thing was that there usually were other girls i got along with really well who would defend my "honor". It would be really childish comments they would throw at me such as tell me how ugly my winter hat was, or they would criticize the fact that i were keen to meet punctual to school, that i strive'd to get the best possible grades, and that my homework assignments every time we had one ended up having lots of pages. Those girls were shoplifters and did really bad at school, so i guess the reason they were mean to me was because they were jealous of the fact that I was able to achieve things they could not.

When girls/women are mean to you they very often find something in you they lack of themselves. So maybe they envy you for some reason? You see that's the thing, girls are very competitive with one another, and when they see some competition, or a quality in someone that they lack of themselves, some tend to deal with their jealousy by being mean to the one their jealous of. Then again, there are of course some women who all in all just chose to be mean to certain people because they plainly dislike them. Such people aren't worth the bother anyway though. But what's important when you meet people like that, is to act as if what they say/ do to you does not bother you. If not try to come up with a smart comment that will make them look dumb, and then when they are speechless and trying to come up with a response you walk away.

Don't let them drag you down to much. They're not worth the tears - instead use the time you could have spent feeling down on trying to find someone you get along with, someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.


_________________
"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much" - King of dandy, Oscar Wilde


LucySnowe
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01 Nov 2013, 10:05 am

I often have difficulty interacting with NT women, but I even have this problem with men, too. I think also it's about our own perception, too. I used to think that people had an intuitive sense about me and just automatically hated me, but I think it's a lot less black and white than that--it's more that we're either not noticed by others or that they do notice but get a vibe from us that we're unapproachable and cold, or that we don't like others. So they respond accordingly.



EMTkid
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01 Nov 2013, 1:57 pm

The experience I have had is that they seem to think I am from another planet. I am not gay, in fact I'm happily married, but I wear my hair short and don't wear makeup and wear whatever feels comfortable (usually jeans and a t-shirt with a flannel shirt over it... Love the feel of flannel...) and just don't really care about the things most women talk about. I could care less about the people in the magazines at the checkout at the grocery store, or what Anyone else is wearing, or anything like that. I read Twilight, and enjoyed it, not because the guy who played Edward was something special, but because it was a neat little story to lose myself in for a while. I have never watched Desperate Housewives, and all that I know about it is that it has Lois from Lois and Clark in it. I love Supernatural, but I could care less if people think Sam or Dean is hotter. Dean is a better written character, Sam seems to be whatever the writers need him to be that week.

Most women judge me on appearance. others judge me within five minutes of talking to me. Very very few make it past the first time I go off on a tangent about how The character interaction in The original Star Trek was far superior to the superficial soap opera interaction of The Next Generation. And God bless the one friend I have that immediately countered with pointing out the sociological study that was Voyager.

I have 2 close female friends, both of whom accept me completely for who I am, have no problem with the fact that I am as likely to show up at a party in my x-men t-shirt or my Camp Crystal Lake shirt as a dress, that I will argue a plot weakness in even a good movie til the end (and do't even get me started on Backdraft!) and that they will never, ever win at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit (and yes, I realize how awesome it is that I have female friends that even own Star Wars Trivial Pursuit).

I am very lucky. I know that because so many NT women are serious jerks. But if I had not found them, I would not have changed myself, my way of dressing or talking simply to make friends. And of course the obvious fact that if you have to change yourself to suit others, they are not your friends...



bleh12345
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01 Nov 2013, 3:27 pm

Yes. I always got along better with males. Females tend to backstab me. I also do not fit in because I am not as fashionable or wear makeup usually. Little things like that single you out as "different". If females like me, they are usually awkward, "manly", or think I am comedic. I tried to play up me being funny, because it was the only way women tend to like me. Other than that, they usually come to me with their problems because I am very understanding. However, once they vent to me, I am dumped by a "better" friend usually.

Men tend to forgive the strange things I do more, but they, too, normally think I am "off". They tend to call me a "b***h".



droppy
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02 Nov 2013, 6:19 am

I seem to have the biggest social troubles with people of my same gender as well. There are some girls I get along with though.