Can people with AS get easily attached to people?

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Not sure if this counts but I'm EXTREMELY attached to my cats.

Hi Therese04,

I get attached to people very quickly, but then if I don't have any contact with them for a short space of time the attachement "breaks" very quickly.

Yes, it's possible to get attached to people, yet be unable to "reach" them. I completely agree with the person who made that point.

Thing is, maybe it's an idealized version of the person that we get attached to. It really sucks when we try to get to know them better, but are rebuffed by them. That's when it all becomes apparent that you may have had feelings for someone whom you idealized, but never really knew.

Disassociation of sorts. Feels like all you know is what's in your head; some kind of barrier prevents you from true connection with the person. It can be so painful.

When I get to know them better they're nothing like my idealized version so I just lose interest.

I've been clingy in the past so I know to keep my distance if I start noticing that happening. Usually though, I just admire from afar. Silly hard to reach musicians.

no we're a bunch of robots who don't feel emotions...

I have done the same thing in the past but have never understood why people hate needy people so much, rather than just giving them some friendship back so they won't be needy. Otherwise, through rejection, they are just feeding the neediness.

It caused me to conclude that basically, people are friends with others for what they can get. If someone is super popular or has all the cool toys, or knows important people, others want to be friends with them because of what they get from being around them. If you are needy on the other hand, others push you away because you want to get something, but may not have stuff that THEY want to get.

It's all kind of complicated, but the older I get the more I think I am getting it.

Basically, life is hard and you have to be someone that people want to be around. Yes, many friendships are superficial. The moment you lose whatever made you desirable, the herd will pack up and move on.

I think this is what separates the sheep from the goats. I have some friends who have stuck by me since childhood and others that walked away. Those that walked away were "unhealthy" people to begin with. Friendship will never be perfect. You will get on each other's nerves and have disagreements. That is just the dynamics of a relationship. Those that are "true friends" will stand by you no matter what. Yes, there will be times you need your space, but real friends are respectful of that and they don't hold it against you.

I did have one friend who didn't seem to get overwhelmed by my neediness (if you will). But what ended up happening was it left me wanting more from her as opposed to filling the need. Due to past experiences, I was very insecure in the friendship and it ended up driving her away. She is a wonderful person. The best friend I ever had. I know she cared about me deeply. But she was getting hurt in all of it so had to walk away in order to protect herself.

What I am learning is that sometimes people put up those walls as a way of protecting themselves. That is why I posed the question to begin with. I was in a situation where i was rejected by someone I care deeply for and could not understand why. Based on everyone's responses I am thinking that maybe she is just afraid of getting too attached to someone because of what has happened to her in the past. I am not sure, but it certainly explains a lot.

I think it is important to keep trying though. Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. In the end, you will find that there are people out there who will accept you for who you are. As they say "sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you can find a prince" BUT once you do find that person.......you will treasure them for life. I know that is how I am anyway.

Well, it could be that she sensed your neediness and needy people are pain in the ass - it's just not pleasant being on the receiving end of it.

Or, you know, she maybe just not that into you?

Move on Move on be a happy person in yourself and allow the right people to drift over gently

I do exactly this. And when the "honeymoon period" wears off I start nasty arguments based around rejection.

The last 2 relationships I've had, I've told her: "I don't do honeymoon periods" as a way of forewarning and trying to change patterns. Didn't work.

And I stay in abusive relationships for much longer than is healthy.

Single now. Having finally recognised the pattern, I'll probably stay that way.

Leafplant!! !! What up buddy!! !! ! We weren't romantically involved, but were best friend for two years so she definitely cared about me and wanted a friendship etc. We talked about it and it was just that she really couldn't deal with the hurt and frustration that came along with being my friend. Understandable. She was too sensitive and took everything I said personally. We don't hate each other and still say "hello" to each other if we run into each other. Sometimes I still email her or text her to make sure she is ok but it never goes further than that.

Thanks for your input.

Heh, you can break up with your best friend - I did. She still to this day doesn't get it and I don't think she ever will. We were 'together' for 7 years .she just got too overbearing and I couldn't take it any more. She didn't see it that way because in her head she is caring and loving and will do anything for you type of person. Which she is,..I just found it all very smothering. Life, eh?

Sorry about your friend, it's a shame, but my advice still stands!