Obsessed over finding a friend

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Has anyone here become obsessed with finding a same sex friend in real life so you can do social activities together such as going ten pin bowling or playing pool or tennis?

I can find plenty of males who want to see pictures of my tits on the internet, and my nieghbour came round drunk wanting sex the other night (I sent him home, I am not the local free prostitution service and I am not filling in for when he has had a row with his girlfriend) but no female friends for cups of tea, slice of cake, discussions about the meaning of the universe and the existence of all life on it. Failing that body building, sharks and needlecrafts all make interesting chat material.

Anyway I think I am having a breakdown...I get so upset over not being able to find someone to join me for a cup of tea the tea rooms in sheringham (its where I always go for tea if i drink it) or the reef in Cromer (which is where I go for cappucinno and cake) etc taht I am screaming and hitting myself on the head and have I lost my mind plus I am worried the neighbours are going to complain about the noise.

No one will help me find a friend and I have tried. I joined the gym and I ride buses and chat to people when I can to try and make friends but nothing is happening. I am being polite and friendly and asking them questions and letting them speak....but it is still not working. I did attract a weird lady who wanted to sell me some gimmicky drink and talk me into selling it msyelf but I am not into gimmicks and am not interested in sell things to people that i do not believe work. I am not a rip off merchant.

I am going to see my gp today as I am also feeling so angry I feel like I want to slap people for being so mean and rejecting me and not giving me a chance when all I want is friendly natter about mutual interests and a trip to a cafe to watch the sea. I don't know how much to tell him though. My diagnosis is social anxiety and depression and I dont want to end up in the hospital as that would be horrible for me...the staff etc in those places set my upsets off and I don't want to keep hitting my own head in case I get a concussion or something.

That and I do not want their medications, I just want a friend who won't keep asking me for pictures of my tits.

I just need help finding a friend, not drugging up.

Im lonely and I don't have anyone...family (mostly dead living relatives are violent and alcoholic so I stay away), no partner...no friends

I just want a cup of tea and a chat about interesting things.

Not drugs and hospitals.

I am sorry that you are feeling that lonely and are in so much pain.

I understand what it is like to be and feel that alone. I too have no one in the world.

If you ever would like to chat, you can PM me.

All I can say is, I know how you feel.

It sounds really frustrating. Yeah, I've been without friends. Actually, I didn't really have any until I was about twenty years old, and then at various times after that, after friends moved away, I was left without them. It never made me truly unhappy, but it seems like once I had friends for the first time, I started wanting to have people to share my joys with.

Making friends is sort of something that just happens. you pursue your interests and you find out that somebody else has the same interest, and you ask them about it; then sooner or later you realize they know interesting things and you ask them about that, and before you know it you're having a conversation. If that happens often enough, sooner or later you find people who you can spend time with.

But I will be honest here--it can take years, and you have to find something to do in the meantime. You can't float around just waiting for friends to land in your lap. The best thing you can do is to find meaningful things to occupy your time, things that you are interested in and which may also interest other people. For people with autism, special interests are often the basis of friendships.

I only have friends because we all love the same band. First I met one person who liked most of the bands I liked, then met a few people through her. Randomly we met two guys, also fans. And then it pretty much turns into making friends with your friend's friends. But I still only have a few friends who I trust. There's one guy from this group I can't make my mind up about.

In my early 20s I left this group of 'friends' because they weren't very nice to me and I hated the whole personality of this group. They were just crude. So for a few years I had no friends.

It's something that happens unexpectedly. Like finding love, as cheesy as it is to say that.

Even popular extravert NT's dont make friends by riding public buses, and having the tin haters, and the pyramid schemers, sit next to you and talk at you about how the CIA is controlling their minds- or how you can get rich quick by joining amway or whatever.


Have you tried the obvious things that often do work- like joining interests clubs- to captialize on your special interests? Or volunteering in something akin to your interests- like seaside nature conservation(i dunno- to tie into your shark obsession)?

In the USA isolated people go to church to network socially, and there are denominations that are essentially secular (like Unitarianism, and the Ethical Society). I know that west europeans dont go to church so that may not work there.

Aspergers/autism itsself has support groups in some cities (like here in Washington DC), so you might be able to get involved in something like that to.

I go to the gym and swim. There are usually lots of old people in the pool.

I am limited as I live in a small village with no bus service after 5.30pm. Taxis are a bit expensive so I can't really go out at night. Most groups are run at night. Instead I have to find things during the day so I go to bed early (about 9pm) and get up around 5 or 6 so I can catch the first bus of the day out. Then I can make a day of it by riding the buses allowed by my weekly pass (I buy one pass that allows me unlimited travel on certain routes..the ones I use most).

I also have a museum pass, but I only just got that. There are 10 museums I can use it to get in free to, 4 of which are on my bus pass bus route and the others just another bus ride away (good for weeks with extra monies spare). I can visit them as many times as I like for as long as the pass is valid.

I did want to volunteer at a museum and asked the receptionist at one of them to give me an application form but it requires two references. This is a problem as, except for one job I could not hold down for more than a few weeks, I have not worked in many years and have not studied either.

I do not know what references to put down and don't know where to go to find out.

Shame as I like museums and did a heritage studies module at University (it was all about museums). I used to have an obsession with the places...i call them my second home. I feel comfortable in them. I got a straight A grade for the module (that is an A grade for each assignment/essay I completed for it). It was my highest scoring module...the others were only an A-, a B+ and a terrible C (that was physical geo...I hated that subject that time but upped my score to 96% the second time around. Although on that course I actually did better at the physics with 97% instead. Only time I ever did physics, was pleased with that lol)).

The A- was for Human Geo and the B+ was for Archaeology.

I have also done business admin NVQ's, typing certificates and have A level equivalents in Drama, media studies and english literature etc so they might be able to make use of some of those. Mostly my skills sit around doing nothing much these days.

I could try some of the other museums to see if they want volunteers but I may have the same problems with references there too.

You spell friend the same way Jane Austen does...

How'd the doc go?

I note (from your profile page) that you are not officially diagnosed, but you are still eligible - just go down the depression / MH route, and you can get a free pass under that. In-fact the MH route it's g.2 'mental disorder'

Autism Anglia may be useful for you in getting an official diagnosis.

I am wondering if it wouldn't be better for me to focus my attentions on my hobbies and things I am good at and perhaps get a dog or cat instead.

I suppose I could find a way to take a class in something. I used to sometimes have friends at college. As my grade average was very high people would come and ask me for help with their work. I would happily oblige, we would talk, I'd make a joke, they would find me funny, eventually we would become friends but unfortunately those friendships faded out a long time ago.

A class might be the way to go except the world has changed. The last time I studied online I got told off for using too much of my ability as someone knowing the answer to a lot things or having too much knowledge apparently intimidated the other students. This makes it difficult for me to work as I have to suppress what is essentially a natural ability and not something I trained myself to do. They are basically asking me to change how my brain naturally works not change some learned behaviour.

This is what worries me with therapy...my quirks (as I call them) have been with me since the day I was a baby (or old enough to develop them) and are so ingrained into my psyche that I view them as a part of myself rather than some illness or disease i was inflicted with.

They are just me.

If the world were more accepting of introverts I wouldn't have so many problems. I find many extroverts to be arrogant in the sense that they believe everyone should be like them or they must be diseased. Such self love because they feel extroversion is superior or more 'normal' because there are more of them. More does not mean better...I can think of plenty of examples where quantity has nothing to do with quality, so to speak. Mass produced does not mean better!

Medicate the introvert....change the introvert...make them what the extroverts think they should be.

Label them as weak or disordered because they are different.

I may not always have energy to be social (depressed or otherwise) but I'm usually a good person and sweet in my own way..as are many of the people I talk to with an ASD.

I don't like society giving them or me a bad deal in life. It find it irksome.