God damnit...

Post Reply New Topic

So, I've had sex with 2 women so far, both of whom I really liked, particularly the second one. Well, now I've found out the the second one is toxic, and looks for weaknesses to exploit. Then I got friend-zoned by the first one, who is polyamorous no less, stating it as a matter of not wanting to have casual sex as a matter of "personal boundaries" (As if what happened then WASN'T casual). So, now I've got NOBODY who is either interested in me, or is worth seeing.

It doesn't help that I've been lambasted into oblivion to the point of being terrified to take any risks or coming off as a creep. I also hate the thought of wearing masks. I'm honestly not sure how to put any of what I feel into words as I type this, but I'm starting to feel loneliness, angry, resentment and misanthropy again. I lost my virginity, so at least that curiosity has been satisfied. But now, I'm still longing for somebody to actually love me in the long term and want to be with me, rather than freaking out that I don't have "status" or "resource gathering ability" and God forbid, I waste her precious eggs. Not to sound sexist. But all this evopsych BS has wormed it's way into my head, and makes me wonder if love is even a thing, or if I should just try to get as healthy as possible so I can live long enough to take advantage or regenerative medicine and get an AI girl to love me without all the evolutionary and social baggage attached.

I'm scared of women. Scared of being used, abused, and/or abandoned. Everyone says to "just be yourself", but that assumes that that doesn't entail being a sheltered, social cripple who missed out on all pop-culture, public school, mainstream music, socialization, fashion, and isn't resentful of people trying to change things about him that really don't harm anybody. I wish I had the ability to mind meld with people... I hate this s**t...

First, (not to jump to conlusion or anything) but did you date both women at the same? If so women can usually always sense that they are not the only one a guy is involved with, and this could then be the reason why the first one friend zoned you, which would be pretty understandable.

But if you dated the two girls on different occasions, that's a whole different scenario.
If this is the case, i feel sorry for you. Love and relationship's isn't supposed to be an eternal walk on roses, there will be difficulties to it also.
I don't know how these girls are like in person, but if i am to take a wild guess here, maybe girl #1 realized that she developed feelings for you, and therefore shocked herself into the realization that she wouldn't be able to have a casual relationship with you since she found she had deeper feelings for you. How did she act like when she ended it, did she seem off, upset, uncomfortable or anything?

About girl #2 if you feel like she is "toxic" then you should trust that gut feeling. Chances are she actually is after weaknesses to exploit exactly like you have an idea she might be.

Maybe you've just had bad luck, and met the wrong type of girls. Searching for love is like picking mushrooms, you have to thoroughly analyze/become familiar with your pick before making your final decision, or else you might end up getting hurt.

Just don't give up. I have the belief that if people are to determined to find love "as soon as possible" the bigger the chance is for them to end up with lousy choices and a broken heart. So patience and a open mindset is one of the key's to meet someone special. Actually that's how most successful relationship started, by random meetings instead of "planned" ones where you go someplace in the search for someone to date.

Is this a fact.......... or is the sexist evo-psych troll that lives in your brain whispering paranoid BS and filling you with irrational fears?

1.) From what I read about polyamory, it isn't the same as serial monogamy. Poly people seem to want emotional connections to the people they are sleeping with. Maybe she didn't feel it.

2.) I'd like to hear more about why you consider her toxic. Usually women who will exploit weakness will do it while expending minimal effort. It's kind of weird for a girl to exploit your desire to have sex by actually having sex with you. I've met these girls before, they tend to lead you on, teasing and flirting just enough so you'll keep investing energy and money.

To actually have sex with you is a little weird.

No, I didn't. Both of them are polyamorous, anyway, I wouldn't think it makes a difference.



No, she never indicated anything until I brought up how sexy and intelligent she was and how I'd love to make love to her again.



Actually, one of her friends, who she exchanged phones with because this one girl wouldn't get off her back, told me this.



And that's what's depressing. So far, I've only gotten one's that aren't good for me, and I wonder if anyone will ever love me, or if I have to be a phony conformist an pretend to like a bunch of things I don't.



Why does everybody keep saying this? That just seems like magical thinking. "Hey, what you want will just fall into your lap! You don't have to change or anything, even if you like to cover yourself in feces!" It just doesn't sound believable to me. Not saying it never happens, but it usually happens to people who take relationships for granted and who AREN'T socially crippled.



See above. It's pretty well a fact. However, that troll you mentioned is definitely a problem for me.



With 1, I think it's just that she decided I'm not attractive. With 2, I think she actually did think I'm great. She wasn't toxic to ME, but she has been to other guys, apparently, and I feel like it's good to break contact.

If you're giving up on her based on what you heard second hand from someone else and not based on what she's actually done.......then your being a giant tool and deserve to be lonely. Think for yourself for f**k sake.

I'm not giving up on her entirely, but she herself actually said to me that she can be a "hellspawn".

Are you willing to deal with the negative aspects of her personality? Every women you date will have negative aspects to her personality. I have the Wounded Bird Syndrome. That means I am only attracted to women who are needy and have emotional problems. I don't think this aspect of my personality will ever change. However, over time I have gotten more selective. There is no perfect woman out there for you, but through experience, you will be able to pick out better and better matches for you. Pay attention to specific things you want from a girl and specific things that are deal breakers for you. Then stick to those standards. Be prepared to wait a long time for the "right one" to come along. Even normal people find dating frustrating if they are looking for a compatible partner. Sex is relatively easier to come by.

Oh, yeah, I'm fully aware of that. I don't mind a needy girl. The only thing I really care about (Aside from being reasonably attractive) is if she's a good, kind person.

If No. 2 meets your standards, then you might regret ending the relationship because of fear. If she does turn out to be mean later on, you always have the option of ending the relationship then.

Aside from her personality, it probably wouldn't work out in the long term anyway. She wants to move to Montréal, which I have no interest in going to, plus, she doesn't want kids, which I want to have.

Based on this thread, I'd say you aren't exactley a paragon of emotional stability either. You have some sexism, trust, bitterness and negativity issues to deal with. Does that mean girls should see you as toxic?

Geek and OP... regardless of what issues a person might have, the truth is baggage is always going to be seen as toxic by certain people who are looking for an excuse to get away from you.

You could not be toxic, but a person doesn't like you anyway and is only around you because they are too nice to say 'no'. Bring in a toxic element... now you have a person that doesn't hesitate to say 'no'.

The red flag for me seems to be that the OP likes girl 2 a lot and seems to be basing his issues not on the relationship itself but on secondhand information and his own deep seated insecurities (which are abundently clear here.) Maybe he is just looking for an excuse to get away.

we all have insecurities... it's just a matter of how we control it.

If I was single I'd say direct her my way so I could work that hellspawn right out of her. But I'm not so I can't. XD

Sometimes second hand information can be a god-send, and sometimes it can be the worst thing on Earth.