Do Aspies have a more difficult time breaking up than NT's?

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I met a girl through OkCupid, and we only dated twice (but talked a LOT on the phone and through electronic means). The second and last time I saw her we got to 3rd base. I still can't get over her -- that was back in July. Is this tougher for us than for so-called "neuro-typical" people?

Oh, I forgot to mention why she and I did not go on many dates. She lives about a 1.5 hr drive from me.

And: Aspies might have more trouble breaking up because of rigidity.

Can you expand on this comment a little more please.

A guy ended a relationship with me when I was in my late teens and I found that I couldn't get my head round what was happening. He wasn't specific enough. He didn't say, "we are now broken up. We are not romantically involved anymore." So I had a hard time letting go because I didn't really understand what was happening and I kept contacting him again thinking that we were just taking things more slowly. I didn't understand how someone could say they were in love and then not be in love all of a suddden. I'm older and wiser now.

That experience took me a long time to get over. I didn't like this new feeling of being on my own after having someone to spend time with and hug. Strangely enough I never had a relationship like that with anyone else. I can't abide the man now, so I'm over him, don't know why I even liked him, but I don't think I got over that feeling of not knowing what was going on, or the feeling of being left. I don't think I've trusted a man since.

I know my past breakups have been hard on me, maybe moreso than an NT but I can only judge by my reactions.

I think that some aspies can struggle with the decision. On one hand it might not be working out, but on the other they may have been single for a long time.

I think it's more a case of knowing that by letting go it could be many years before you find yourself in that situation again.

It as recently brought up to me (in therapy) that I have never broken up with a female.

When questioned about it ... I had expressed no answer.

But now that I think about it I feel that I have so few people care about me or like me that I think I may just be grateful someone finally did and not want to loose that friendship; even if it is not what I truly want.

This perfectly describes how I felt when my ex-husband left me two years ago and how I have felt since. He never understood why it was so important to me that he state *explicitly* what was happening and why, and I have never gotten over not understanding. I remember so distinctly asking him toward the end why he was doing this and being absolutely bewildered when he said "I've already explained it, I don't want to talk about it anymore." I guess maybe there were signs and cues he expected me to be able to read, but I was honestly completely lost and confused throughout the entire process. As you said, the ability for someone to say they're in love and then suddenly stop being in love is something I am unable to comprehend. Now, I believe my boyfriend loves me much more than my ex ever did - we have been close friends since long before I met my ex, and he has always treated me like I was so special to him - but it's like I can't trust it now that I know it's something that can suddenly end for reasons I won't be able to understand. So, based on my own experience, I would say that breakups might be harder for Aspies than NTs because it is just harder to grasp why it is happening. I don't know how universal this is, though.

I think it's a difficult comparison to make as breakups are never pleasant.. and vary so massively depending on variables like who did the dumping (or was it mutual), was it coming a mile off or hit out of the blue, how long the couple were together for beforehand, how involved they were as a couple, whether they'd started to combine their lives (ie by having marriage, babies etc) , and so forth.

I don't know if it's universal, but this is pretty much how it is for me too.

Also like a lot of people on the spectrum I am extremely literal-minded, so if someone tells me they need "space" or a "break" or to "take a step back" etc., friends tell me this is really a way of ending it but trying to be gentler about it, but I really believe this person wants to just not be with me for a little while and we'll be a couple again soon. I've spent months waiting for someone to come back because they never explicitly said they weren't going to, even if there was minimal communication.

Ditto this. My ex and I broke up/took a "break" a few times in the years before we got married, and it really frustrated him that he had to explicitly tell me "I don't want to date you anymore." He had never had to explicitly break up with anyone before; with his previous girlfriends he had just acted aloof and distant until they broke up with him, but I completely missed those signs.

I think my answer would have to be a conditional no.

To elaborate:

Do all aspies have a more difficult time with breakups than all NTs?
No.

Do many aspies find breakups more difficult than many NTs because of our various issues with communication, literalism, and looping thought patterns?
Probably, yes.

This. Oh, goodness, this describes my most major relationship perfectly. First I wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend although he kept calling me his "friend;" yet we were doing all this relationship-ish type of stuff, like meeting the parents or engaging the physical stuff; then he just disappeared and didn't tell me why he wanted to split. It doesn't matter now why we broke up, but at the time it really hurt, because I felt that he didn't respect me enough to tell me to my face what was going on. So it took a long time to get over because I didn't have that "closure" (goodness, I hate that word). The thing is, I think with people who do this, they have a hard time facing stuff that's unpleasant, so they think things will be solved if they do nothing. They don't realize that they might be creating other, larger problems through neglecting it.

Yes, because we mostly have to dig longer and deeper than NTs in order to find replacement love I think.

As I was writing my experience I was trying to remember what that guy said to me, but it was so long ago that I'd forgotten, but he did say "we should take a step back." In my head that means stepping back, not leaving completely.

I'm sorry to hear some of the sad experiences here, but I am also glad that I am not alone. He really thought I was nuts and it dented my confidence alot.