How do you know if a guy likes you or wants to be friends?

Page 7 of 9 [ 142 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next

Alycat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,690
Location: Birmingham, UK

10 Dec 2013, 2:35 pm

sk8r44809 wrote:
Yes... I sympathize very much. My experience is it's just a very vague, wishy-washy world. The really nice thing about both you and the girl that I am hoping to get involved with is that you WOULD just be deliberate and thoughtful either way... and say so if you just didn't like a guy (which you did in your OP about the other friend of yours), or else take an honest shot at developing something romantic if you do fancy a person. You also did that.
Yeah. I did have a situation with another Aspie a few years ago where they basically asked me out. I didn't even realise until I'd got home, but I just sent them a message saying thanks but no thanks. I felt really bad that I didn't like them and had to let them down. I don't ever want to hurt another person's feelings. One of my exes posts on here and he'll tell you that I'm probably too honest. I think my first words to him were to tell him that he was hot!


sk8r44809 wrote:

First of all, as you know, you should try your best to reframe all the negative feelings about yourself.... the fact it hasn't panned out, and maybe never will with this particular guy... does not say anything negative about you as a person. Imagine that the stars have to be lined up just right for something like this situation to be a success... you'd be foolish to expect the stars to be right every single time, but you would also be foolish to stop trying, because the only way to "get lucky" and find a positive outcome is to continue acting out your values and your desires until one of these times the stars WILL be lined up, and it will work.
I am reminding myself of this. I'm not doing as badly as I have in the past, and am trying to just keep telling myself that one day I'll find someone who DOES like me, and that I have many good points.

sk8r44809 wrote:
Secondly, and I'm gonna go out on a limb and risk being offensive here because you seem like you will be the sort of person who might not be offended when I say this: You seem to be doing well here, as long as you can handle being patient and waiting for him to come around. The most likely reason this isn't happening now (in my mind) is that there is some other girl that he liked already... or someone he is still not quite over from his past. The potentially offensive thing is that being patient kind of means waiting on that other girl's influence to run out with him. Most people would think that was demeaning to you... that you were settling for somebody's leftovers. But personally, this seems to be one of those social "rules" that you would be wise to break, if you want to break it. If he is indeed stuck on somebody one way or another, then I sympathize with his predicament as well as yours. I have been there myself, with a fantastic girl on the sidelines watching it all happen, and invariably THAT girl is the one who really did deserve my attention. I am still friends with more than one of those sideline girls... and they have a special place in MY heart that nobody could ever take away. This is a hypothetical of course, but any one of them could potentially have me on their arm very quickly if they wanted to, and it's all because when it was really hard for them to be my friend, they did it anyway.

So given that you still like him and he probably also likes you... I would personally try to balance between getting over him enough that it doesn't still hurt every time you communicate, but also not getting so far over him that you end up despising him on some level. Because if you can keep that balance, odds are that whenever he DOES want a relationship one day, you will be one of the first to come to mind.
Not at all offensive. If this is the case and he's able to 'get over' the other person at some point and wants to be with me, well that will be awesome. If not...well, he's a great friend and it's made me happy talking to him.


_________________
If you don't believe in dragons it is curiously true, that the dragons you disparage choose to not believe in you.


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,268
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Dec 2013, 3:38 pm

singularity wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Motorboat him and watch his reaction.


What?


Google motorboating a guy.



Stalk
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,087

11 Dec 2013, 2:46 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
I wouldn't have the guts to ask him out. And I don't feel he likes. I mean, he doesn't pay THAT much more attention to me. And besides I think he is just a really sweet, empathic person. Last friday he forgot his notebook in class, so I took it home with me. I sent him a message on facebook that he forgot it and that I could bring it to class next monday. All he sent back was: "Hey (name!), if you could bring it with you on monday that would be perfect". Don't you think that if he was truly interested he would have asked more stuff and responded to my message with more feedback? I don't really know what to think about it.

I could only think of a few:
  1. Hey GOOF! you missed your social cue, DUH! :) *this would work on me*
  2. I like you, now get your ass over here and come fetch it. *this would work on me*
  3. Hey, I'm going to the mall, want to meet me up there? *not going to work on me*

Why does he have to pursue you when you can pursue him? Make it clear, I think regardless if the guy is Aspie or not, he would like it that you are upfront about it. It seems to me you are more afraid of what other women would think of you when you are this direct to a guy.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,268
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

11 Dec 2013, 3:45 am

"Btw, do you like me more than friend?"

Life's a b***h and too short.



Stalk
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,087

11 Dec 2013, 4:00 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
"Btw, do you like me more than friend?"

Life's a b***h and too short.


lol, couldn't agree more.



Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,512
Location: Europe

11 Dec 2013, 5:33 am

Stalk wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I wouldn't have the guts to ask him out. And I don't feel he likes. I mean, he doesn't pay THAT much more attention to me. And besides I think he is just a really sweet, empathic person. Last friday he forgot his notebook in class, so I took it home with me. I sent him a message on facebook that he forgot it and that I could bring it to class next monday. All he sent back was: "Hey (name!), if you could bring it with you on monday that would be perfect". Don't you think that if he was truly interested he would have asked more stuff and responded to my message with more feedback? I don't really know what to think about it.

I could only think of a few:
  1. Hey GOOF! you missed your social cue, DUH! :) *this would work on me*
  2. I like you, now get your ass over here and come fetch it. *this would work on me*
  3. Hey, I'm going to the mall, want to meet me up there? *not going to work on me*
Why does he have to pursue you when you can pursue him? Make it clear, I think regardless if the guy is Aspie or not, he would like it that you are upfront about it. It seems to me you are more afraid of what other women would think of you when you are this direct to a guy.


No, I don't care what other women would think at all. But I don't want to get rejected and also we're in an odd situation where we'll see each other up until june every monday and friday from 9 to 5.
I doesn't matter really. We're jest a few weeks down the road and I'll see how things go. We are not 'friends' yet AT ALL.



Stalk
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,087

11 Dec 2013, 8:16 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
No, I don't care what other women would think at all. But I don't want to get rejected and also we're in an odd situation where we'll see each other up until june every monday and friday from 9 to 5.
I doesn't matter really. We're jest a few weeks down the road and I'll see how things go. We are not 'friends' yet AT ALL.


FINE!

:P



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

14 Dec 2013, 6:21 am

You can't tell really with the games people play. Trial and error. If I like someone, I'm upfront to them. If I get friend zoned, that's fine - at least there's no holding back feelings.



Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,512
Location: Europe

08 Jan 2014, 6:03 pm

He is sssoooooooooooooo darn cute and he DOESN'T have a girlfriend after all. I went out with a classmate and we talked about the others in our class. Then she said: "isn't (his name) the kind of guy for you?" I asked why. She said it's so obvious we have a great connection and she thinks we fit together.
Still, I don't think he likes me.



Toy_Soldier
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,370

08 Jan 2014, 9:40 pm

To the OP, I think if a guy just wants friendship you will see not much change on his part. If a guy is interested in a relationship, there is likely to be an increase in his approaches and he will suggest new activities together if not ask you out directly.



Alycat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,690
Location: Birmingham, UK

09 Jan 2014, 1:01 am

Toy_Soldier wrote:
To the OP, I think if a guy just wants friendship you will see not much change on his part. If a guy is interested in a relationship, there is likely to be an increase in his approaches and he will suggest new activities together if not ask you out directly.

Thanks. We've been going out for just under three weeks :D


_________________
If you don't believe in dragons it is curiously true, that the dragons you disparage choose to not believe in you.


Toy_Soldier
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,370

09 Jan 2014, 8:14 am

Alycat wrote:
Toy_Soldier wrote:
To the OP, I think if a guy just wants friendship you will see not much change on his part. If a guy is interested in a relationship, there is likely to be an increase in his approaches and he will suggest new activities together if not ask you out directly.

Thanks. We've been going out for just under three weeks :D


Er... well then... just make a note for next time. :lol: Good luck with this time though!



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

11 Jan 2014, 11:54 pm

From my personal experience, if they want to be more than friends they ask you on a date. Otherwise if they want to hang around you and nothing happens, they like you as a friend.

I made the mistake of telling a guy who did not ask me on a date that I fancied him and it turned very embarassing for both parties.

From now on I'll never do that.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,268
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

12 Jan 2014, 5:40 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
From my personal experience, if they want to be more than friends they ask you on a date. Otherwise if they want to hang around you and nothing happens, they like you as a friend.

I made the mistake of telling a guy who did not ask me on a date that I fancied him and it turned very embarassing for both parties.

From now on I'll never do that.


I don't understand why you girls always say things like this and give up on a first attempt (or first few attempts), guys typically face this embarrassing s**t zillion of times in their lifetimes.



KingofKaboom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,471

12 Jan 2014, 6:50 pm

Personally I've always waited for the woman to show some sign of interest beyond friendship. I try to make friends with everyone and then if a woman shows interest I consider it. I've ignored some, stayed friends with some for a while until they date someone else ect. It's not that I don't know what I like it's that usually I know it's a waste of time if she shows no interest.


_________________
Tacos (optional)


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

13 Jan 2014, 12:11 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
From my personal experience, if they want to be more than friends they ask you on a date. Otherwise if they want to hang around you and nothing happens, they like you as a friend.

I made the mistake of telling a guy who did not ask me on a date that I fancied him and it turned very embarassing for both parties.

From now on I'll never do that.


I don't understand why you girls always say things like this and give up on a first attempt (or first few attempts), guys typically face this embarrassing sh** zillion of times in their lifetimes.


lol it happens to me every time.