why are some women very direct

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Jono
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17 Nov 2013, 10:47 am

billiscool wrote:
so,why are some women more direct with
guys than other women,here some example


It depends on a number of things. Most women aren't direct but I personally wish that more were. Let's take a look at your examples though to see what you've got.

billiscool wrote:
1-high school girl want me to hug her,and kiss
her,sadly we never dated(this was when I was in school)


Perhaps she liked you and she may have wanted you to ask her out. Unfortunately, most males on the spectrum don't naturally pick up on those signals, especially when they still teenagers, so you may not of known at the time. That's why we have to learn those things.

billiscool wrote:
2-my ex gf,(''the cute autism girl'')asked
me out,and ask to me to have sex with her


That's an easy one. I think it's simply because she was autistic, though high functioning, that she didn't know how give signal indirectly. Most NT girls would not do that because they're socialised not to and would be too afraid that the guy would be put off by their forwardness.

billiscool wrote:
3-at a party,a girl came right up to me,and
cuddle with me,sadly I didn't pickup,she was
interest.


That one depends on whether you knew her beforehand or not. If you knew her before then maybe she wanted to hug just to be friendly. If not, maybe she wanted a one-night stand as I don't imagine anyone would do that to a near-stranger if they first wanted to get to know you better. If you didn't pick up her interest then I would put that down you being on the autistic spectrum though I probably wouldn't of accepted a one-night stand like that anyway.

billiscool wrote:
4-a female,gave me her phone number,
sadly I never called.


Perhaps she wasn't afraid to take the initiative in asking a guy for date. Most women don't do that and they would wait for men ask them for their numbers. Next time just remember that when a when woman does that it's to your advantage as it doesn't happen often, so would probably be a good idea to call her.

billiscool wrote:
5-my female friend,just kissed me on lips,
now were more or less dating.


She was probably also taking the initiative but I think that any activity like that, even kissing, is fine only as long it's consensual.

billiscool wrote:
so,how come very few women are as direct
as these ladies above,not just with me,but
with other guys too.


Mostly because women are socialised not to be direct like that. I personally wish that more were direct but sometimes they're even afraid that men would be put off by their forwardness, especially NT guys.



yournamehere
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17 Nov 2013, 10:56 am

Maybe because they see you as a codependant, and it attracts the wrong women for you like a magnet. Just be careful, and have fun. Nobody wants to knock a girly up, or get herpes growing on your lips. Dont worry, it wears off when you get older, and they find a different victim. All youneed Is a potbelly, and a droopy face. Than you can run after them when they have kids, and lie about you age, and your rock and roll lifestyle.



Jono
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17 Nov 2013, 1:24 pm

yournamehere wrote:
Maybe because they see you as a codependant, and it attracts the wrong women for you like a magnet. Just be careful, and have fun. Nobody wants to knock a girly up, or get herpes growing on your lips. Dont worry, it wears off when you get older, and they find a different victim. All youneed Is a potbelly, and a droopy face. Than you can run after them when they have kids, and lie about you age, and your rock and roll lifestyle.


Who says that they're the wrong kind of women? Also, he never said that he didn't want women to be more direct.



billiscool
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17 Nov 2013, 2:14 pm

if it wasn't for women directly approaching me,I would
have never had sex,or even kissed another woman.

because of forward women,I got to have sex,
and I got to kiss another woman.



Mackica
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17 Nov 2013, 9:46 pm

As a shy teenager who has matured into a still shy but direct woman,life would vastly inferior if I hadn't learned to speak up for myself over the years.This society encourages men to be dominating and loud and impressive and who knows what else.but not women.It is frustrating at times.I would never marry someone I would defer to or pick up the slack from.The times are really changing,and a great thing is that women are as well.It is very empowering to not be needy/lean on a man for anything and I wish more women would be secure in that.



Keyman
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17 Nov 2013, 10:34 pm

@billiscool, You got to tell us where you live ;) photo to estimate attraction power would be a bonus :D

Regarding the topic, I think there's some factors at work:
* Testosteron makes persons take initiative, males-have, females-none
* Culture discriminate women that are forward. And most NT women is sensitive for this.
* Women takes on a higher risk of violence in an encounter and thus may be more careful.



billiscool
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17 Nov 2013, 11:29 pm

Keyman wrote:
@billiscool, You got to tell us where you live ;) photo to estimate attraction power would be a bonus :D

Regarding the topic, I think there's some factors at work:
* Testosteron makes persons take initiative, males-have, females-none
* Culture discriminate women that are forward. And most NT women is sensitive for this.
* Women takes on a higher risk of violence in an encounter and thus may be more careful.


Oregon.



Keyman
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18 Nov 2013, 12:23 am

It's you on the picture? ;) college student yourself?



Jono
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18 Nov 2013, 1:08 am

Keyman wrote:
@billiscool, You got to tell us where you live ;) photo to estimate attraction power would be a bonus :D

Regarding the topic, I think there's some factors at work:
* Testosteron makes persons take initiative, males-have, females-none
* Culture discriminate women that are forward. And most NT women is sensitive for this.
* Women takes on a higher risk of violence in an encounter and thus may be more careful.


Not entirely correct. With regards to your first point, both males and females have testosterone. In fact, testosterone is actually what gives a girl a sex drive, the difference to guys is that it get's regulated to an extent by oestrogen which increases and decreases in cycles. You second point is true, that's the main reason why women are forward. With regards to your third point, while women are mostly on the receiving end of gender based violence, including rape, the chances of women being date-raped after taking the initiative of asking a man can't really be any higher than if the man took the initiative and asked her, so that reason doesn't make a lot of sense to me. The main reason why women aren't direct is cultural and it's not only that women are socialised to not be forward but I know that some NT men are put off by it as well, though I don't understand why. Most women actually want to be as sexually aggressive and forward as men but it's society that keeps them from being so.



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18 Nov 2013, 7:18 am

I was told to be very direct. For me its simply, that I horrible lack the abilities to read "hidden signs" in conversation or body language. Often when something is said, I hardly know if its meant as an hidden hint, as something meaningless, as a joke or was meant in an sarcastic way. That often lead to me carefully tapping around in conversation and social contact, without getting anywhere to my own and the opposites frustration.

So I simply ask now if a conversation is not 100% understandable for me, just as I know that my ability to communicate "normal" indirectly are horrible so I dont start playing that typical social games, but bring it to a point.



billiscool
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18 Nov 2013, 10:15 am

Keyman wrote:
It's you on the picture? ;) college student yourself?


yep,and no Im not a college student.



OliveOilMom
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18 Nov 2013, 11:00 am

I'm very direct because that's what works for me and I get very anxious playing the waiting games. I want to know where I stand and I want to know right that second. Being direct is the best way to do that. Also, guys don't expect that from girls and find it interesting. Even if they don't like you like that or want to go out with you, it's interesting that you just came up to them and asked and you get some kind of respect for that. I've ended up friends with guys who I asked out but who either didn't want to go out on a date with me or who did go on one and we didn't click like that but still enjoyed each others company. It's also a good way to get friends with benefits if that's what you want. And it's honestly the best way ever to just get casual sex with the person that you want to have it with who isn't going to come up to you and talk because he's way too hot for you. "Here's a beer, wanna go somewhere and screw?" actually works.



Keyman
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18 Nov 2013, 12:36 pm

It can actually also work to ruin the reputation of the person that asks.



OliveOilMom
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18 Nov 2013, 12:45 pm

Keyman wrote:
It can actually also work to ruin the reputation of the person that asks.


Especially with that last example of mine. You have to be careful with that.



Keyman
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18 Nov 2013, 3:19 pm

It may ruin the reputation of males too. It's not gender specific. Many "normals" sufffer from intentional ideasthesia.



hurtloam
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18 Nov 2013, 4:18 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
I'm very direct because that's what works for me and I get very anxious playing the waiting games. I want to know where I stand and I want to know right that second. Being direct is the best way to do that.


I used to be like that. I didn't like playing games and dancing around. I just wanted to know if there was anything there. And if the answer is no, then I could move on and not be wasting my energy angsting over someone who didn't feel the same way.

Quote:
Also, guys don't expect that from girls and find it interesting. Even if they don't like you like that or want to go out with you, it's interesting that you just came up to them and asked and you get some kind of respect for that.


Yeah, no that didn't happen for me. Got me freakin nowhere.

Although I am still friends with one of the guys... amazingly. He's probably the only person who knows how really crazy I am. It amazes me that he sees anything good in me.