Employer asks me to sign things that I shouldn't sign.

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CosmicRuss
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20 Nov 2013, 12:23 pm

Before you make a decision please phone Citizens Advice. You can run the scenario past an advisor who will give you advice without knowing any of the detail. You won't be in trouble and they might have a solution to the problem.


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Cinnamon
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20 Nov 2013, 1:37 pm

I will call CAB tomorrow.
I called them already, but they asked for my personal details and then I didn't dare ask this expenses question anymore (I asked them something else completely unrelated instead). I think they said that I didn't have to give them my details if I didn't want to, but I can't listen and think so quickly so I did as I was asked and gave them my details.
Now I am prepared for their request so I can tell them that I want to remain anonymous at least in the beginning. Of course if they tell me that I am obliged to report this I will no longer stay anonymous.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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20 Nov 2013, 3:14 pm

Hi, I may be in a minority here, but I really think it's unlikely that you'll get in trouble.

And I understand your feeling that you'd rather get in trouble than have this thing hanging over your head.  Believe me I understand that.

But, in a sense, you really don't have a right to get the lady in trouble.   Even though she's the cause of this, in a sense you don't have that right.

So I'd really encourage you to take a deep breath, and talk to a variety of people whose judgment you trust.  We are one good resource here, at times an excellent resource, the Citizens Advice sounds like another good resource.  And please be open to other good resources, maybe a former teacher, someone like that.

Yes, you made a mistake.  You did something against your personal ethics.  But you did so for fellow feeling and not wanting to say no to someone you care about.  So one thing, is to learn from this, say maybe one or two sentences of how to say no matter-of-factly and confidently, but also without slamming the person.  One approach might be to say, I don't like these kind of things, I'm not good at these kind of things, I tend to be a by the book type of person, and ask that you respect that.  (and as a fallback, perhaps something like, I will think about it overnight, but the answer will probably be no, and I ask you to please accept that)

And the other really important thing is not to let this become a habit, and it doesn't sound like you will, and that's a very good thing.



carthago
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20 Nov 2013, 4:56 pm

Cinnamon wrote:
carthago wrote:
For future reference, try to avoid posting so much detail.


Why not, Carthago?


Message board comments are admissible as evidence in criminal proceedings and your IP is recorded every time you post. My comment may seem strong-worded, but people have served jail time for lesser crimes, and of course people have served jail time for exactly the same thing you described. In the UK, it's possible that the police will take a pass on it, but in the US, public prosecutors go after cases more on the basis of ease of prosecution, than the seriousness of the offence. CAB may be able to give you some good advice, but if you're going to disclose this to the authorities, an attorney can help with damage control much better than CAB can.



Cinnamon
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21 Nov 2013, 6:16 am

oh, I see, Carthago. I don't think this is a problem for me now, though, because I did not want to keep this this a secret, but it's good to know anyway.

Aardvark, I like this sentence: 'I tend to be a by the book type of person, and ask that you respect that.' It shall be on my mental list of pre-phrased sentences for difficult situations.

I hope my employer can say that she made an error, and then correct the documents, and then it would all be sorted.



superluminary
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21 Nov 2013, 6:42 am

Hi Cinnamon, I'm assuming it's a relatively small amount, like £40 or so. It's extremely unlikely you would be prosecuted for it. My limited experience of the legal system here is that it's surprisingly sensible. I would call citizen's advice without passing over your details and ask them what they think you should do. I suspect they would say something along the lines of "don't do it again". Make a log of the call and what was said, just on a piece of paper. This will show you acted on your concerns.

Then I would speak to your employer and tell her that it made you unhappy to sign the papers and that you don't want to do that any more. I would hesitate to go to the police as it's quite a small thing, but if it happens again then you might want to tell her that you would.

Regarding your IP, the crown prosecution service is not going to trawl through Wrong Planet looking for your IP address. In America maybe, but not here. It's a minor offence and you're (from the sound of it) very sorry indeed, which carries weight.

The legal system can seem really scary, but at this level it's generally pretty sensible. Anyone would look at this and say "bossy employer bullies aspie employee into signing milage papers". If it's you against her, you are clearly in the right and any magistrate would see that. If your employer is investigated it will be certainly be her who who will be held to account, especially if she's pressurised you into signing. From the sound of it she may be up to other similar things. Make it clear you don't want to be involved.

If it will help you feel better, send a donation to charity for the amount.

Best of luck with it!



superluminary
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21 Nov 2013, 6:44 am

Cinnamon wrote:
Aardvark, I like this sentence: 'I tend to be a by the book type of person, and ask that you respect that.' It shall be on my mental list of pre-phrased sentences for difficult situations.


I see our posts crossed. That's an excellent sentence.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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21 Nov 2013, 5:05 pm

Cinnamon wrote:
Aardvark, I like this sentence: 'I tend to be a by the book type of person, and ask that you respect that.' It shall be on my mental list of pre-phrased sentences for difficult situations.

Thank you, and I'm glad you like this. I do, too. And I kind of do pre-phrased sentences, too. :D And I think even quote 'normal' people might do this, although it's probably even more helpful for those of us on the Spectrum.

And it's like anything. If it works 70% of the time, that's a winner. Of course I'm going to have it backed up with other 70% winners.

And I might even be open to experimenting with shorter versions, such as 'I tend to be a by the book type of person' [pause]. And the person might nod and accept it right there. If he or she says, Well, I'm a [this other type of person], I might say, okay, so you're [this other type] person. I can accept that. [pause] I just ask that you accept that I'm by the book. . . And I'd like to do the whole thing with a light to medium touch, although this part can sometimes be easier said than done.