Fighting special interests

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I often get special interests that I'm embarrassed about. I often try to get rid of them. That usually does not work. When I give up on getting rid of them I try to keep them a secret. I can usually keep them a secret for a few years. Then I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't pursue my special interest more seriously(stuff I won't be able to hide.) I wish my special interests were more socially acceptable.

How are they hard to hide? Is it something you can read about instead like go to a bookstore and read it or a library or going online and reading about it? That is how you can pursue it.

I'll tell you an example of one. A few years ago I started to get interested in accordions. I knew that was a socially inappropriate interest. I kept myself satisfied by secretly listening to accordion music. This solution worked well for a few years.

Eventually I wanted to start playing accordion. This is when it got tricky. I tried to deny it to myself, but that made me too stressed. I was scared that my desire to play would pop up in my stims. Eventually I started to play because I decided that all that stress wasn't worth it. Since I'm only seventeen I had to tell my parents. I can't secretly own an accordion and secretly go to lessons without my parents knowing.

I still haven't told people at school. So I'm kind of keeping this interest secret.

I thought you were going to say something like sex with lizards - seriously! I know it's hard to believe this at 17, but accordions aren't embarrassing. It would be kind of funny if you played acid rock or something like that on one.

All I can tell you is, I understand you want to fit in, but Asperger's (or Autism) is going to do many numbers on your brain over the years and you will probably always stick out some. I wish I had known when I was 17. Just try to enjoy your life and yourself as much as you can because you don't want for it to suddenly be your 50th bday and you look back and realize all you did was agonize over things that made you special to begin with.

Look around this website at how unhappy so many people are and try to go easier on yourself than that!

I don't see how accordions are socially unacceptable. How did your parents take it when you told them?

I like Skylanders. I blush when I tell some people.

Sometimes it's hard to keep your special interests to yourself.

My dad already knew since he always seems to know about my secret special interests are. He even suggested that I learn to play about a year ago. I wasn't really interested in playing back then.
I was embarrassed to tell my mom, but eventually I told her. She didn't understand why I was embarrassed. I guess I'm embarrassed because I'm afraid it might make me look autistic.

I'm actually starting to doubt if my diagnosis was correct. I got diagnosed with HFA(not Aspierger's) when I was four. Right now I seem to be missing a lot of important Asperger's traits. I can do an okay job of reading body language and my social skills are normal if I'm around the right people. I suspect that most of my problems with social skills are caused by lack of practice and social anxiety. I still have "special interests", but I could just be really nerdy. I also stim a bit, but that could be caused by ADHD and anxiety.

There are plenty of people who play that instrument without being autistic, so it won't make you look autistic, except that autistic people are PEOPLE, and let me tell you a little secret...

You already look like a person!

Enjoy your music. If you get good at playing, you might even find you can make a living at it when you're a bit older. You might also find it leads to you playing other instruments, which could also lead to a musical career of one sort or another.

I know that. I don't actually know of any accordion players on the spectrum. I'm just afraid that playing will accentuate all the weird things about me and lead people to suspect things about me.

I've been interested in music for my whole life. I've been playing piano since I was five, but I never got that good at it. Piano has been more of a musical sketchbook than an actual instrument.

If you were diagnosed as autistic, there likely was a reason. If you have a different form, not Asperger's, then that would be why you don't have all the signs of Asperger's...because you have something else.

High functioning autistics do sometimes/often learn "coping skills" where they fit better into the NT world and can sort of "pass" as NT, at least at first glance. You may have done this already, and may continue to change where thinking and behaviour are concerned.

My advice is this-
You were diagnosed as autistic, so there were signs of it. If you're doing better now, keep in mind lots of autistic kids do. That doesn't change the fact they're autistic. It just means they're learning to at least simulate thinking and behaviours that don't come natural.

That's okay.

It's who they are.

You seem to be doing well at growing as a person. Keep it up, and if you sincerely feel your diganosis was wrong, don't be afraid to tell your parents and your doctor/s. They may say something like the above, or they may feel there's reason to reconsider. Either way, keep being the best you that you can be.

I'm glad you finally got the courage to ask and got your accordian.

Me too. I remember when you made a thread about wanting one awhile back.

I don't think playing the accordion will make you seem "more autistic" - Weird Al Yankovic plays the accordion and everybody loves him. Hell, my Nana used to play the accordion too, and she's the furthest thing from being autistic!

I believe that special interests are a wonderful gift sent from the cosmos (or if you're the less-than-spiritual type, an aspect of evolution) to help us cope better with the aspects of one's life that just plain suck (such as the social problems, the comorbid conditions, etc.). So you should own your special interests, wear them as a symbol of pride and not feel embarrassed to tell anyone about how much you love what you love. Because really, our time on this earth is so miniscule that we're less than a grain of sand in the broad scope of the universe, so while that thought may be scary to you, it should actually liberate you - you are free to do whatever you want in this world, because unless you're an insanely famous genius like Mozart, da Vinci, Einstein, etc., no one's going to remember or care what you did 10, 20, 50, or 100 years from now.

Peace.

You shouldn't ever be embarassed to be who you are and do what you like.
Embrace your weirdness.

Confidence is key.
If you act embarassed about it, other people with follow your lead and think that you're a weirdo.
If you act like you know what you're doing and you're having fun, people will likewise follow your lead and think that you're skilled and cool.
As one of my favorite literary characters once said, "If stealth is impossible, try boldness."

However, in general, try not to worry about what other people think.
That's on them.
It's what you think that matters.

This gave me the loudest belly-laugh I have I had all year!

When you said 'sociolly unacceptable' I thought you were going to say something like 'necrophilia'. But instead you're talking about......playing the accordion!

But then (im not saying homosexuality is a bad like necrophilia) you go on and talk like gay teen growing up in the repressive 1950's talking about homosexuality.

How you have to hide it from your peers and the community and even hide it from your parents that...[ that WHAT?..that he takes drugs? that he knocked up a girl? The opposite-that he's gay? What is it that he is gonna SAY next????]...

....I take accordion lessons!

That is seriously funny!
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My opinion: just come out of the closet, and just be the flaming accordion player that you are inside!

If anyone gives you grief-its probably because THEY have accordion playing tendencies themselves, and wont admit it themselves!

BTW the accordion isnt totally geeky.

There are regional styles of rocknroll ( Cajun, and Conjunto music, old style Tejano music) that use accordions. So its not as unhip as you might think.

And even if you want to play beer barrel polka music, or pop ballads, or classical Mozart, on your squeezebox and just be square-there is no crime in that. Huey Lewis sang that it was "hip to be square". And there is a subculture of polka fanatics in america.

My mom says she had a lot of trouble getting me diagnosed. I was definitely struggling in a lot of areas and still am. I don't really have much coping skills. I don't have enough energy for that. I just feel like my neurology is different.

Whenever I'm around other autistic people I have problems interacting with them. My NT sister has the same problems. The only similarities I notice are special interests and some sensory issues. I usually only get sensory issues if I'm sick or having a headache. They go away when I'm healthy.

It seems like my main problem is mental fatigue. This causes problems with social skills, life skills and school. When I don't have mental fatigue my social skills are pretty normal. I usually know intuitively what to say and do when I don't have mental fatigue. It's like I'm the real me.
Unfortunately I have mental fatigue 99% of the time and I don't get to be me.

It seems like I can read social cues. I just don't have enough energy to respond to them, so it looks like I haven't read them.