18 Nov 2013, 5:01 pm
Okay, so I figured this hasn't really been discussed to great lengths at least not for a long while but here's something fun and hypothetical to debate..
There's a lot of cases where the person we are in whatever way simply isn't "enough" for many, and so we are rejected.
This occasionally prompts us to change, or improve (at least by our own estimation). Now, say you become this new you, this improved you, and the person who rejected you in the past or never noticed you now notices you....do you feel they honestly deserve you? Do you feel that a person who wasn't willing to be patient with you in the past should get the attention they'd now hope to demand from you? Something to consider, and discuss!
Let's get talking 
18 Nov 2013, 5:25 pm
Going along with your hypothetical situation - okay, I'll try and put myself into this, and I'll probably fail.
If I was looking at the new situation in this way, after self-improvement, I would probably realise that self-improvement hadn't entirely worked, as I was still tied to that past - just by having a comparison to the past. Seeing myself in a new light would inevitably involve seeing others differently (projection/connecting with different parts of their personality).
If I saw that person in a new light, then perhaps that person would mirror this and see myself in the new light. Or, perhaps not. But then again, this wouldn't matter had self-improvement been done properly, in my opinion, and not to convince someone of something (subconscious motive or not).
So running with it - It just depends how much you like that person or not (and can forgive them if any real cruelty happened). Now, if you're intent on 'punishing them' or having some sort of revenge for rejecting you in the past (oooh, how horrible of them! how dare they! 
) then that's really a different matter, and would suggest that further growth was needed.
What you are saying is a sign of a fantasy of many people who feel they have been snubbed - 'I'll show 'em!'. It can be a call to arms, yes - but is it effective or actually detrimental to that person? It's like an ego salve. Self-improvement driven by ego will, in my opinion, always be for show and never be of substance.
Last edited by octobertiger on 18 Nov 2013, 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
18 Nov 2013, 5:25 pm
auntblabby
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18 Nov 2013, 5:27 pm
OliveOilMom
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18 Nov 2013, 5:43 pm
Does a person who was a s**t to me deserve me?
Oh yes. Yes, most definitely, they deserve me. 
18 Nov 2013, 5:44 pm
auntblabby
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18 Nov 2013, 5:44 pm
Oh yes. Yes, most definitely, they deserve me.
what cold dish of revenge would you have in store for the bastards?
18 Nov 2013, 5:44 pm
) then that's really a different matter, and would suggest that further growth was needed.What you are saying is a sign of a fantasy of many people who feel they have been snubbed - 'I'll show 'em!'. It can be a call to arms, yes - but is it effective or actually detrimental to that person? It's like an ego salve. Self-improvement driven by ego will, in my opinion, always be for show and never be of substance.
That is a brilliant post. I recognise myself in that. I'm actively doing it, in fact! I made myself the promise to add back these "friends" to FB when I'd self-improved, even though they weren't nice to me.
Your post is completely right. I'm being ridiculous (my words). I think also, it's my way of trying to avoid confronting them with the issues I have with them and accepting that we're just very different.
18 Nov 2013, 5:45 pm
Oh yes. Yes, most definitely, they deserve me.
I love your thinking!!
18 Nov 2013, 5:53 pm
Oh yes. Yes, most definitely, they deserve me.
what cold dish of revenge would you have in store for the bastards?
There's a saying - if you want revenge, better dig two graves...
Each to their own, and I know that people have sometimes been put through it by others who have been incredibly cruel, but inflicting cruelty on purpose to someone who has been cruel to me is kind of perpetuating a rather cruel world? And the energy wasted on 'getting even' could be put to better purposes.
Satisfaction? How could anyone be satisfied knowing that they were stuck playing someone elses' pain game, sometimes many years after the event occurred. Move on where possible, I say. Anything else is playing the victim, under the guise of 'justice'.
18 Nov 2013, 5:59 pm
my turn!:
If one improves out of spite, they are no better than the person who rejected them and they deserve each other
If one improves after taking a time out and doing it earnestly to win someone's heart or just for themselves, then sure I guess that's okay. The person rejecting isn't always doing it because they are mean or shallow or because they dislike the person they are rejecting.
If someone improves empty traits to fit someone else's expectations, all the power to them but they should prepare to keep up an image at all times for that sort of person. For Aspies, almost always doomed to failure!
18 Nov 2013, 6:01 pm
18 Nov 2013, 6:02 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Nov 2013, 6:09 pm
18 Nov 2013, 6:12 pm
18 Nov 2013, 6:13 pm
Irony will be - you'll end up with a lovely woman, who will work so hard to change you...
