Worrying that people who seem to like you secretly hate you?

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Is anyone else plagued by this sort of anxiety? It's like I read too much into people's body language, their tones of voice, and if they seem annoyed or cross at all (at least according to my interpretation) and I'll be worried that I did something to p!ss them off and they're just not telling me about it, because they don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me that yes, they do indeed hate me for whatever it was I did (I have this "thing" left over from childhood where I assume that if someone's in a bad mood, it's my fault, even if I didn't even do anything) - and then later on they do/say something that reassures me that they still like me and that I didn't do anything wrong....but the anxiety is still there, almost like a cloud hanging over my head.

This happened to me a lot with my hostess from when I was an exchange student in Brazil for three weeks. She was very sweet, hospitable and friendly, but there were times when I worried that she was upset at me for some reason, any reason....like, I worried that she thought of me as slovenly, uncultured, childish, feeble-minded, and I worried that when she spoke in Portuguese to her friends after introducing me to them, that she was telling them, "Can you believe they stuck me with the fat socially awkward one? (not that I would have blamed her)" But then something she would do or say would prove to me that she didn't think any of those things, and that she really did like me and liked having me at her house, and that her mother, housekeeper, and brother (who I didn't meet until the day before I was to go home) did too. The family and I parted on very good terms, and I find myself thinking of them many times - I have a framed photograph of me with my hostess, her mom, and their dogs on my desk. When it came down to it, and after I had some time to grow accustomed to my surroundings, I really did feel "safe" with them - and I don't say that about a lot of people IRL.

Now that I think about it, it actually makes me sad that my brain won't allow me to enjoy and make the most of the small handful of relationships I have with real people by making me think of all these anxieties and intrusive thoughts. I can't tell if this is just another one of my issues with skewed perception or if it's mostly a self-esteem issue.

Anyone else ever feel this way, or is it just me?

I'm like that all the time. If somebody I care about is upset or in a mood, I assume it's because of something I've done or haven't done or it's something maybe I could or should help them fix. I will ask them about it a lot and end up making them mad at me for that. Usually what I do with friends is just ask them if I did anything to piss them off, and mention again that I might not get subtle things or even flat out hit in the head with a hammer things sometimes, so if I do something that seems mean or rude to please let me know so I can fix it.

I still worry though, but now I worry just about my family and close friends that way. It's not a knee jerk reaction with everybody now, well it's a knee jerk reaction to assume it's me but I catch that quickly and logic it away when it's other people.

I have felt that way in the past. It wasn't so much that I thought people hated me, but that they were annoyed by me. This was especially true in high school, when I had a group of friends that all seemed closer to each other than to me, and sometimes I felt like they were putting up with me rather than actually wanting to be my friend. They never said or did anything that really supported this theory, except the little clues that I likely overanalyzed in my mind, it was just a feeling that I had. It would feed my insecurities and end up ruining my relationships.

I still feel like people are secretly annoyed with me, but it doesn't make me insecure anymore. Partly because I think I've learned to be less annoying now, and partly because I'm more confident in my own abilities and worth.

I think this happens because most people aren't so honest. Even if they don't realize it, they often say one thing when they are thinking or feeling another. This lack of self-awareness and sincerity makes it difficult to trust that people are being honest about how they feel about you. Plus, I have actually been told by several people that I am annoying or that they don't like me, often without me even knowing what I did wrong. So, you come to expect it.

I was like this when I was 21. It's pretty much how you describe it in the first paragraph, so I have nothing to add, except that I'm better at not rushing to judgment now.

I don't think this is inevitable, but it's hard to find the balance between a reasonable effort to understand others versus overthinking about what others' wishes might be to the point it's destructive. Very hard.

More likely in most of the situations you are describing OP, the other person doesn't really care much about you one way or the other, and what you are picking up on is the almost-subliminal 'tells' of their insincerity while they're pretending to be interested in you. Quite normal, and it doesn't mean they're harbouring bad thoughts about you.

I guess I'm like that. I don't know if my neighbours like me or not. When I walk near them, they're concentrating so deeply on their cellphones that I take that as a sign they want to be left alone. It's come to the point where I don't call them to say hi anymore. If they're looking my way, then I'll say hi, otherwise I'll just continue on my business.

yes. i feel everybody is against me

I know most people hate me because I am "not normal". I have kind of learned to pick it up from the air when people don't like me.

It used to hurt me but now I will happily offend people if I have to. It's not good to worry too much about whether others like you or not because some people will take advantage of that.

I consider anyone who is nice to me to have an ulterior motive (except my wife an a few others). For instance, when an attractive young woman whom I've never met before suddenly starts flattering me, I'll back off a bit and look for someone else who might be trying to sneak up on me. Seeing no one, I might ask what she is selling and why she thinks I might be interested.

Otherwise, I don't think anyone secretly hates me, because those who hate me don't try to conceal it - they either attack me openly or ignore me completely.

I feel like the only reason anyone talks to me is to use me. It's probably right in a lot of cases, but sometimes making friends would be easier if it wasn't there... Can relate.