Cyber Bullying

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What is the best thing to do about cyber bullying?

Not the direct kind with obvious threats but the kind where people post harmful lies about a person in order to incite hatred amongst others and cut the person off socially so the target remains vulnerable to attack.

Ie posting harmful gossip in order to cause others to avoid said person.
Sending emails to the person with fake accounts pretending to like them and blocking them or turning on them for no reason all of a sudden
If the person complains making out that it is a symptom of mental illness and that no bullying is taking place when it is.
Posting that they have a mental illlness that they don't have such as schizophrenia for example, offering them advice on said imaginary condition and then insisting that the person won't go for help because they reject the advice for the imaginary condition they don't have (checked by a medical professional)

and so on.

I have shut down many of my online profiles, although I made the error of threatening them to try and get them to back off, but they do tend to follow me around just a bit.

Anyway I want an end to this situation now and want to know how to take it via formal channels.

It is hard enough to make friends as it is with my social difficulties without a bunch of bullies eliminating the internet as a vehicle through which I can socialise. It wouldn't matter what a bunch of online people were doing if I could just go out and make a new friend tomorrow but that is not so easy for me...

I am becoming more and more socially isolated despite my attempts to socialise more and I just want these people to leave me alone to get on with my life.

Is there anything I can do please and I don't want what they have done with is to put down to all being my head and my mental illness or my lack of social skills. It has been going on for 10 years on and off and I have had threats from someone threatening to get me banned from every internet group I am in to someone threatening to inform disability that I am faking my condition when I am not.

I am not imagining anything.

Unfortunately i was so upset by it I have deleted much of the stuff in relation to it. Also I was going public with the email threatening to get me banned from groups but the admin from the site I was on found out and deleted the email (giving me a time out because it is against the rules of the site to publicly post emails recieved apparently) before I could get the information saved to my hard drive. Is there any way I can force them to undelete that email as proof that I was threatened?

Also is it possible that some of the older threads on this site and another where people were accusing me of having schizophrenia etc are still about and if not is there anyway to recover the data or is it lost forever now?

You may not like my suggestion but I say give it back to them in spades. First, find their photos online. Next go buy some photoshop software and the most disgusting porn you can find, preferably animal. If you can't find that anywhere, or anything shocking enough, just gay porn. But get amature gay porn because you don't want the hot actors and actresses, you want normal looking people. Now, you can put two and two together. Then simply find a way to get those pics out there to their friends and family. I'd suggest printing them out as Christmas cards and sending them to said friends and family, but that's a lot of work that can be accomplished with one click of the mouse if you can get a list of their friends.

Don't show back up, don't take credit for it. If you hear about it, act suitably shocked by the whole thing. Say you would have never known that so many people had a thing for zoo animals or birds. Or whatever.


ETA; since somebody reported this post and obviously didn't get the over the top reaction as a kind of fun fantasy idea of what you would like to do to them since I couldn't think of a real thing, I need to point out the obvious. This is not actual advice. It's fun advice for daydreams of what might get them back. I actually thought it was obvious that nobody would do this, or actually advocate it in a public forum. I mean, I go overboard a lot but I don't think I'd lay plans like that out in public. Needless to say, it's for daydreams only.

Tempting but it takes a lot of time and effort and I don't think I want to spend that much time thinking about them. I feel such hatred for them.

Do you think my local citizens advice center might be able to help? Or maybe a charity like mind seeing as I am on disability benefits?

Are there any organisations who will assist me with advice on how to stop or avoid cyber bullies. Before I snap and hurt someone?

I have told my dr I want to harm them...so people know how I am feeling.

I am frustrated as I don't understand why very few out there seems to know what to do about cyber bullying. I don't know if they just don't know or if people just don't want to help.

Maybe I should go to the library and get a book.

Either way I need some support for this I am either going to end up hurting myself or someone else. I cant sleep because of it, I can't eat because of it, I partly blame them for my social isolation because before they started doing what they are doing I had normal relationships with normal people despite my quirks (people usually found my quirks cute, especially as I am usually polite and congenial to be around until the stress of being bullied kicked in) and I feel they have destroyed that.

They have pushed and pushed and are pushing me into a breakdown and no one will do the right thing and help me.

And I feel sick that I am so totally alone that no one will do the right thing and help me find out how to stop them.

The urge to turn up at one of their local groups and hurt them is so strong...I don't like it and it scares me. I actually want them to die so this stops.

I have no idea whats available in the UK, I'm in Alabama. What exactly are you wanting an organization to do? If they aren't threatening you and are instead doing things that upset you without any physical or monetary harm, or even a lot of proof that they are doing it, there wouldn't be much anybody could do about it except tell them to stop, and if the person telling them to stop has no authority or way to make them stop or punishment to dole out if they don't stop, then the decision is up to them about it.

Are there laws in the UK against this, and if so what do you need for proof and what are the specifics of the law? I'm sure we have laws against cyberbullying somewhere in the US but I don't know what the specifics are or when they would apply or even if we really do have those laws, I'm just assuming we do because there are lots of TV specials about cyberbullying. So, I suppose you would need to find out those things first and then proceed from there.

Have you thought about just going to different places online than where they go? Just delete everything and make new stuff in different places and don't have contact with any of the old people you talked to? Yes it's a pain and it can be a huge disruption if it's a big part of what you do to relax, but maybe temporarily finding other places on the net to go to would help. I'm not saying they should "win" and you should "run" or anything. I'm just saying that if there are no legal options about it for you then you have two options left. 1. Stay where you are and don't respond to them and do whatever else you have been doing there, (not working out for you so far that way) or 2. Find new interests online until they find somebody else to hate on (easier said than done and unfair).

I'd talk to the doctor about it and ask if he's got a suggestion maybe.

Either way, without legal action as recourse it's going to really be just one of the two options I suggested there. Considering the realities of what I'm assuming can be done about it, my joke post previously is looking better huh? For real, talk to the doctor again though and ask for advice and try to follow it.

Because of them and the things they have posted about me people are avoiding me and now my breakdown is not helping. My breakdown is going to worsen things because now people will starting thinking I am some kind of violent criminal when I have never actually harmed anyone in my entire life (even if I did strike out at a bully once when I was 12, i did not hurt her...just shocked her a bit). Which is why my dr didn't panic...i am not prone to violence or breaking the law or getting into trouble with the police on a regular basis (other than that slight misunderstanding 18 or so years ago).

I just want it to stop haunting me but that wont happen until they stop what they are doing and they wont. They will keep pushing and pushing because they are perverts who are sick.

The animal videos wouldn't work, simply because they are perverts from a kinky sex site. I wanted a slight adventurous partner in bed who was up for a little harmless play. i didnt realise the people there would be psychotic sickos with an penchant for genuinely enjoying the torture of another human being. I thought they would be nice people, who were open minded and into fun sex games.

I didn't find what i was expecting...men who want to control everything about a womans life, drug addicts, people who use kink as a means to self harm or continue self harming (ie the dominant controlling their tendency to cut as part of play), alcoholics, criminals, people who want to be beaten until they are covered in purple bruises and just generally vicious people with no humanity or soul.

I regret ever getting involved with those places and now I just want those people to go away.

I just wanted a bit of harmless fun.

I wish i'd never gotten involved with any of them.

I have experience with those kink type groups. Talk to the mods in private if you can and maybe tell them that you intend to stay away from the group but you would like the members to not harass you anymore on other sites. Point out that they seem to be having some sort of Noncon group scene with you bottoming and nobody's noticing that you are safewording. Kinky folks can be great but they can also be very cliquish. One little thing and you are done for with them socially. If you have done that, they probably just want you to not post there anymore. So talking to the group mods should help. PM me the name of the site please and maybe I can help. I know some people very active in the scene, but they are all in the US, however in online groups where you are from doesn't matter.

I think you would be best to withdraw from those sites bumble. The people there are clearly undermining your confidence. Try to do things that make you feel positive about yourself. You could then consider joining an in-person group (i. e. not on the internet) for a recreational activity you enjoy or would like to learn. That can be a good way to meet new people in an unpressured context, where you have a common topic of interest to discuss.

Last edited by UDG on 19 Nov 2013, 6:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think I am more than done for with them, I have been socially hung drawn and quartered. I don't even know what I did so wrong that started it...either they won't tell me or it's stuff that I struggle to do anything about.

Ie

Posts to long or verbose...I can't always help that. I try but sometimes my posts will be longer than they should be perhaps. I really hate missing out important details.

Opinions too controversial...My opinions are not mainstream no, but I was only trying to help people, I wasn't trying to hurt anyone. I am not a sadist and am upset by seeing people hurt. I derive no pleasure from it usually.

I was attacked because I said I did not want to do drugs or be with someone who did drugs or drinks (unless they keep it well away from me and its has no affect on my life). I don't cope well in those atmospheres. Because of past physical abuse/violence from relatives who consumed alcohol and sometimes drugs I am scared around those people, especially when they verbally attack me because I don't want to be exposed to cannabis or similar.
After being thrown across a room and being kicked until I had someones boot mark bruised into my back as a child by a person who both drunk and prone to using cannabis I would really rather pass spending time in their company. No offense meant, I know everyone can be different, but I don't want to take the risk and I don't want drugs in my system anyway).

I talk to much about myself. This is the only way I can understand the world. I don't mean to bring conversations back to myself because I think I am more important than others. It is actually my way of trying to connect, by relating their experience to one of mine I have more chance of making a connection with someone. If I cannot relate their experience back to one of mine then I cannot understand them at all. Also I am sometimes just trying to say I have been there too. It is my way of trying to offer someone comfort.

I talk too much about my hobbies. I got blogs and shut up about that and stopped posting about them on the boards but that is apparently not enough.

They think I don't appreciate help when it has been offered. Firstly they insist on offering me help for symptoms I don't get and won't let me explain that I am not experiencing those symptoms and therefore their advice is not useful to me. They become offended. I am merely trying to explain so that we could put our heads together so to speak and come up with a solution. If you do not understand the problem or have all the facts you cannot do that and if you won't listen to what the person is trying to say when describing their problem you are not going to be able to understand it. Ergo sometimes I have to include relevant detail and my posts may well be long winded and verbose because of that.

Secondly I don't derive any comfort from cyber hugs. I know they seem to help a lot of people but they don;t seem to help me. I am still upset because the original problem has not been resolved ergo the hug is of no consequence to me. It sounds hard but I am so upset about the problem that is all i can focus on. i have to persist until a solution is found, i cant just drop it..i have an obsessive streak that won't let me. I have to keep going on and on and on and on and on and on until I have found a resolution. I try to step away but once obsession has surfaced that is hard.

They keep pushing for me to take medications, I have told them I do not wish due to side effects. They make me too ill to function and this insist this is because i don't want to help myself. I am sensitive!! !! I know people don't believe me or think I should suck it up but I can't...I have upsets (ranting, screaming at self, crying, hitting self) when I do that and then I get canned for that as well. Then don't push me to take on more than I can manage...I can't help my sensitive system, it is not in my head and I am not a hyperchondriac as they keep insisting.

i really do get bad side effects from medications, they are often too strong for me.
i really do have issues with certain lighting and background noise...i actually cannot hear what people are saying to me over said background noise when trying to communicate in noisy environments or in a group.
I do have problems with certain materials (labels in clothing, certain wool mixes, seams in clothing such as socks, elastic in socks...cuts in and so on...its painful).
I am sensitive to certain foods (msg etc)

I am not making excuses and I get sick of hearing people saying things like that to me so I tend to get a bit irritable and defensive when they do and that can start an argument or two as they think I am being ungreatful when I am just trying to explain.

I am not a hyperchondriac!! !! !!

Also some years ago they were flaming someone and she became very upset so I went in and posted in her defense as they were ganging up on her and no one was doing anything. I felt sorry for her so wanted to help. I think I made myself a target there and then.

Excuse my typos and grammatical errors, I am a little upset, did not sleep well and it seems my ability to either type and put the english language together is not too good today.

Sleepy.

And once again, I have gotten upset, I have over shared and I probably sound harsher than I a mean to and I am not trying to have a go at anybody, just trying to explain.

I can't do this social thing...Its too hard.

I keep doing it wrong...

One thing about some of those kink discussion groups, etc is that especially if they have some members of the old cabal (tink) in them, it's like a monarchy. They like to talk about it like it's a Democracy, but it's pure Monarchy and all the older ranking members are the Royals and not only do they have the authority but they expect to be shown proper "respect" and everybody gets pissed if they feel dissed. Even if it's not some of the older members from other groups on the old Usenet days, you may have people there who remember how things were then and want their shot at being "Royal" so they just set themselves up as head of the clique.

They go overboard on so many things on those groups. It's insane to look at how talking about one thing is fine but talking about something else is so horrible and the something else is actually something that can be discussed with strangers, yet they freak about it. They can be very particular about things, like opinions, decisions, likes and dislikes, every single thing about every single poster.

The best way is to talk to the mods, tell them you aren't coming back and that you feel you are being harassed by members and ask if they would ask them to stop. That's pretty much the only and best recourse for that. I'll be glad to help you out any way I can.

You're doing fine here. Chill. You haven't done or said anything wrong here. Trust me on that. You know that if I thought you had, I would tell you. Here isn't there, you are fine. I promise.

Don't worry, you don't have to be socially perfect on this forum, we like your company.

Advice?

Let it go and move on. Tighten up whatever mail filters you might have and view it as a learning experience.

The internet can be a very hostile place and in any new environment it pays to lurk first to get a feel for the power relationships and general safety.

The best defense against cyber bullies is silence. In the old days of usenet we had clients with decent filtering capabilities - it beats me why forum software doesn't have this.

I would guess that the sort of site you are talking about is a very macho environment with many of the "women" being men with elaborately constucted fake identities. An innocent bumble wanders in there with her heart on her sleeve - I'd expect her to get her head kicked in.

The biggest and longest flame war I ever got into online involved threats of police, "tracking me down", death threats, etc... One day I got sick of it and posted my full address and 2 phone numbers online. My logic was that you can't threaten to track me down if you know where i live. Everything went quiet after that. I'm not suggesting for a minute that you do this, am suggesting you ignore them.

Bullies only have power over us because we give it to them.

"It sounds hard but I am so upset about the problem that is all i can focus on. i have to persist until a solution is found, i cant just drop it..i have an obsessive streak that won't let me. I have to keep going on and on and on and on and on and on until I have found a resolution. I try to step away but once obsession has surfaced that is hard."

This is what's ultimately going to break you I think.
You can't fix or solve problems for someone else, but that's what you're trying to do. Yes, you are the brunt of these nasty people's personalities, but the problem that they're giant asshats isn't something that you can control. Kudos to you for trying, but they've taken the lowest of the low ground and now are just having fun with you. They aren't good enough for your rage.

You can do cognitive behavioural therapy for obsessiveness that might be able to help. The Nature of Things (it's a Canadian show) had half an episode devoted to explaining it and how therapy can help people with OCD. (Of course, they really only looked at the compulsiveness of it, actions, so not the thoughts necessarily.) But you will also need to want to change. It's not going to work if you don't want to give up being obsessed about this. It's not the solution you want, I know. The solution you want, the solution that's just, the solution that's satisfying involves these people getting horribly hurt, but that will land you in jail. And talking about a social situation no one wants to be in, jail's right up there.

What about something like a restraining order? Do those exist for non-physical bullying?