Parents all of a sudden wont let me watch what I want on tv

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OliveOilMom
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23 Nov 2013, 8:29 pm

Interesting first post. I see that you have just joined. Why don't you come to the new member section and introduce yourself there?



pete1061
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23 Nov 2013, 10:07 pm

CharityFunDay wrote:
pete1061 wrote:
TV is mass mind control, nobody should be watching it anyhow.


If that were true, programme schedulers wouldn't be so acutely aware of ratings.


Go ahead, keep watching. You folks have no idea what's really going on in the world.


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Callista
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23 Nov 2013, 10:34 pm

You need to talk to your parents and figure out why they're doing this. They probably want you to learn things. At least educational programming is often quite interesting. You can probably pass off things like the news, weather, nature shows, documentaries, history, science, etc., as educational (because, well, they are).

See if you can get them to agree to let you watch your favorite show(s). If their main problem is that you're just sitting in front of the TV and not doing anything else, then you could try to solve that problem by cutting out all the boring shows you tend to watch just because you don't want to get up, and leave behind just the ones you really look forward to. If you can bargain your parents down to maybe two hours a day or less, they'll probably be happy, especially if they're shows you can watch when they're not home.

If your parents are too authoritarian to even discuss it with you, or if they get angry the second you ask them to explain their decision, then I'm afraid you're probably not going to be able to talk to them. My parents were this way, and the only way I solved the problem was to move several hundred miles away. They wouldn't listen, wouldn't explain why, and wouldn't negotiate no matter how reasonable I tried to be. If you have those sorts of parents, I don't think you're going to be able to do much unless they forget their rule or if you can watch TV when they're not home. If you do have overly strict parents like that, and you move out, I'm going to warn you: You're going to have a lot of trouble telling yourself "no", controlling yourself, denying your own desires. It's because they've done that for you your whole life, and you won't have had any practice. Try not to get too mad at yourself; you're not a bad person--you just need to learn how to set rules for yourself, and learn that setting rules for yourself doesn't make you feel helpless and horrible like when your parents set overbearing rules for you. Make sure to set rules you can follow easily--like, if you want to remember to exercise, start out with, "I'm going to walk for half an hour today," instead of, "I'm going to work out for an hour every day this year." Set yourself up for success and it'll be easier.

Fnord wrote:
jashley wrote:
I am not a child, I am 26 years old.

In that case, you are within your rights to either get your own TV or move into your own place and set your own rules - in that order.

But as long as you "live under your parents' roof", you would do well to respect their wishes.
No. If a disabled adult needs to live with family to survive--and many of us do--that does not make them still a child. One of the many, many problems created by bigotry against the disabled is the belief that we are forever children, unable to make decisions for ourselves, and that other people have the right to control us "for our own good".

The OP is an adult. To the extent that they can make their own decisions, they need to have the right to do so. Their parents have chosen to provide the care they need as a disabled person--and they have a right to that care. If their parents believe they can no longer do so, they can find another place for the OP to live.

Providing for a disabled person's basic needs is a really diabolical way to assert totalitarian control over them. Look at our world. It's hard for disabled people like us to get along. It's hard to survive, hard to get a job, hard to find a place to live. To control a disabled person, often times all someone needs to do is give us food and shelter (and sometimes not even that), and they've got us trapped, because we know very well how hard it is to survive in the world without resources. And they know that. They know they can get away with total control. "Just move out" is not easy when you are a disabled adult who has never lived on their own, never had enough money to be independent, never been able to hold a job, don't know how to get support services. It's a perfect trap.

If the OP lived in a group home, the staff there would be wrong if they restricted her right to make decisions for herself. Only when a person cannot make a decision should it ever be made for him. Parents who decide to provide for their disabled adult child are no different. You need to honor people's basic right to liberty, whether that person is a disabled adult or not. Otherwise, what you create is a tiny totalitarian dictatorship that takes away the rights of its single citizen.


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Last edited by Callista on 23 Nov 2013, 10:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Verdandi
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23 Nov 2013, 10:43 pm

Indeed.

My mother (only current parent) and I are both adults. She is in no position to dictate what I do for entertainment just because I live in the same house. She wouldn't even attempt it.



Callista
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23 Nov 2013, 10:58 pm

Mmhm. If you're grown and living with parents, your responsibilities are more like that of a roommate. Things like, clean your messes, do your share, don't do things you know annoy the people living with you. And they have the same responsibilities toward you.

If parents choose to provide care you as a disabled person need, then that is something they've chosen to do because you're their family and you need that help. That doesn't mean that they now have the right to take your autonomy.

A disabled adult child living at home may choose to help their parents, because the parents are family and need help, just the way the parents might choose to help the child. It's a good thing when that happens; the parents benefit from the child's skills just as the child is benefiting from the parents' assistance. That's what family does. But exercising total control over another person is not something family should do, especially not when both parties are adults and capable of competently making their own choices.


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btbnnyr
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23 Nov 2013, 11:31 pm

There is no context, so I don't know if it is reasonable or unreasonable that your parents are limiting your tv watching to educational programs, but I think that it is unreasonable for them not to give you a clear reason why.


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23 Nov 2013, 11:36 pm

Callista wrote:
Fnord wrote:
jashley wrote:
I am not a child, I am 26 years old.
In that case, you are within your rights to either get your own TV or move into your own place and set your own rules - in that order. But as long as you "live under your parents' roof", you would do well to respect their wishes.
No. If a disabled adult needs to live with family to survive--and many of us do--that does not make them still a child.

She's disabled? I had assumed otherwise (I'm sorry, my bad :oops: ). Then the rest of you post makes perfect sense.

Still, it might help "settle her case" if she can get a TV of her own.


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FluttercordAspie93
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24 Nov 2013, 1:27 am

Meh, my parents won't let me watch South Park, and I could care less...



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24 Nov 2013, 10:41 pm

Fnord wrote:
jashley wrote:
I am not a child, I am 26 years old.

In that case, you are within your rights to either get your own TV or move into your own place and set your own rules - in that order.

But as long as you "live under your parents' roof", you would do well to respect their wishes.
I agree. If you are living there and they are the ones paying the bills and you are living there as their dependent than you should respect them. If you are paring some bills and sharing in the responsibilities as an adult and you can't afford to move out for whatever reason. than get a tv for your room and I recommend one with a headphone jack. I had one in my room at my parents house and it was great.

It is odd that they are changing their rules now but you if are living as a dependent in their house than like Fnord said, you should respect them.

And I did now know when I first wrote this that you were disabled either. In fact I missed that from the OP but thought it was assumed by another poster. OP, are you disabled in such a way that you cannot live on your own and is it necessary for you to live with your parents? But even people with disabilities can have their own apartments so it just depends on the situation. But if you must live with your parents, like a previous poster said, you need to talk to them openly and honestly about this and see where they are coming from. You can come up with solutions and understanding their reasoning will make a huge difference and that helps with respecting them also.


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24 Nov 2013, 11:08 pm

I thought it was an assumption the OP is disabled because this is an autism forum so it's assumed the OP is disabled.


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24 Nov 2013, 11:47 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I thought it was an assumption the OP is disabled because this is an autism forum so it's assumed the OP is disabled.
All of us who are on the Spectrum are disabled to a degree. But many of us are not needing to live under the care of parents because of that. But the OP never specified what her actual disability is or to what degree it is. I am on the Spectrum but I have been married for over ten years and spent many years living with roommates and out of my parents house yet as an Aspie I am disabled in many ways. I have never managed to live completely on my own but I did not have to live with my parents or in disabled housing for a good bit of my adult life either. The support and help I needed was mostly financial since my disability has made it difficult for me to hold jobs. You, League Girl, are on the Spectrum as well and so is Fnord and I should think 90 percent of the people on this forum. But that does not mean that we can automatically assume that the OP has to live with her parents because of a disability. And the OP has not told us directly if she is actually disabled in that sense or not. So I think that in order to advise her more clearly she needs to give us more details on her situation.


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