"I Want to Go Home!"

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Why do I say that when I get upset? That's always the first thing I think, no matter what the situation. I even do it when I am at home. I don't really want to go home, but I can't seem to articulate what I want. When I was pregnant and had a freak-out at the obstetrician's office that almost landed me in the psych ward, that was almost all I could say.

I dont verbalize the phrase, but it does pass through my mind.

Usually happens on my day job when it feels like the work day oughta be done ( we count stuff in stores for their inventory- you work until the task is done, and not on a set shift- so we never know exactly when we will be done).

But sometimes it flits through my mind when I AM at home- when I get stressed or something.

I think its like an animal instinct to retreat to your burrow.

And like all instincts it can be counterproductive.

On weekends I work in the office of a party deejay company in the bosses home office. Commute from almost fifty miles away. Had car trouble on the way to there one day. Then when it was quiting time I jumped in my car to go home and as soon as I put the car in forward motion I heard a metalic crunching/grinding sound -like something seriously wrong is happening to the car. The logical thing was to stop right there. Go back in the bosses house and say "put me up for the night, so I can take the car to a shop around here tomorrow mourning". But NO!- I caved to my animal instinct to 'go home' in a crises and tried to drive the 45 pluse miles home.

Nothing really bad happened. But long story short- nine miles into the journey- the rear axel of the car simply fell off on the highway - sparks flew as the rest of the car dragged on the ground as I guided it to the shoulder of the road. Had several hundred pounds of deejay equipment in the car- and myself - all stranded on the highway in the dark. It alll turned out alright.

But I could have just unloaded the eguipment at the boss's house, and just driven a short distance to the first gas station in his town to have the car checked out instead. But no- my instincts told me to retreat home.

It happens the exact same way to me. I think it simply a relict from old kids time in the meaning of "I feel overloaded, so I want to be at a place, that is not like that." which was in earlier kiddietimes, simply my kids room, where I had the ability to be alone and for myself. Where I live now is as well technical my home, but its not that kids room feeling anymore, so I have responsibilities there, as well that I share it with my partner, that I cant simply throw out, when needing some time on my own. ^^ So sure my "grown up home" is as well my home, but its not that "being able to completely shut everything out home" anymore, that I had as kid, and that I´d like to have sometimes.

There was an immigrant who walked to work every day. His friends had taught him how to say, "Apple pie and coffee" in English so he could stop for breakfast before work.

After a few weeks he was getting tired of apple pie and coffee so he asked his friends to teach him how to say "Two eggs".

When he tried out his new request at the restaurant, the waitress asked him, "Over easy, scrambled, or sunny side up?" He got a panicked look on his face and said, Apple pie and coffee".

Home is where we feel more comfortable.

I had this problem never before last week.

But last wednesday I left school early, when someone asked the problem I just repeated "I need to go home"

The same thing yesterday "I need to stay home" and it was my first absence in over a year

I used to say that when in a panic. I remember when I was 12 I was in a panic because of the threats about a nuclear war or something, and I was laying on the settee crying and I yelled ''I want to go home!!'' a couple of times. My mum and my brother just laughed and said, ''you are home''.

I say this too. Usually in my head or in a whisper.
I most often say it when I'm exhausted.
And at times like that, I'm usually actually thinking "I just wanna curl up and step out of all these responsibilities / demands" - while knowing that I can't.

That's enough "public" for me today.

Headed back to work next week after a month and a half off. (surgery recovery)
I'm actually glad to be getting back busy, sitting on my butt for so long is
driving me cuckoo. Bad thing is my job is about as "public" as it gets and i have to
deal with them all day. It helps a little that I'm able to compartmentalize work as a
necessary evil and that they are handing me money to put up with stupid people.
After all, if it was fun it wouldnt be called "work" now would it?

maybe it is because you might find it difficult to express what's wrong in a situation or you don't know what you don't like in a situation, I always just say I don't like this/it when I don't like a situation sometimes because I don't know what I don't like.

I do the same thing "I want to go home" over and over again, repeated.

Sometimes, when things get really bad, this little song will play in my head, and sometimes I'll even sing it aloud...

"I want go home.
I just want to go home.
I feel so broken up, I want to go home."

Even at home...

Maybe it's that idea that home is a place where we're safe, protected, where an authority figure will make everything right, fix everything...

I've felt this way also.Home,it's a beautiful word.

I say it too. Home is where eberrything is good.