aspergers, slow to get over an EX

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alotofdogs
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28 Nov 2013, 10:30 pm

em_tsuj wrote:
It takes me a very long time to get over someone, but the time gets shorter as I get older. I do NOT let people in. If I do, I'm all in. It is devastating when it doesn't work out. I can't function at all, I'm so sad. I don't think this is an AS thing. I think it is a result of childhood abuse.

I'm in a breakup situation right now. The possibility of us being together is nonexistent at this point. I don't like her as a person anymore. However, I still obsess about her and miss talking to her. I know I can't date anyone else until I get over her, and I mad because I can't control how long the process takes.


this is exactly how I feel as well



Autism_Us
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29 Nov 2013, 10:44 am

My Aspie fiancé got over his ex wife pretty quick, lol! She was so hateful and mean to him and he stayed because he thought that's all he could get and also I was married to my ex at the time. He told me he has always loved me and nobody else. His ex was opening up accounts in his name and running them up and not paying them. That has hurt his credit. He is so gullible that he didn't even realize it. I stepped in and got her on fraud with those companies. I think it just depends on the relationship.



Pabbicus
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29 Nov 2013, 1:48 pm

For some of us, separation anxiety is an easy trap and we also fee comforted by a routine. That can make change very tough.



nick007
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30 Nov 2013, 1:12 am

Pabbicus wrote:
For some of us, separation anxiety is an easy trap and we also fee comforted by a routine. That can make change very tough.
True. I had a very hard time getting over my 1st girlfriend & I was obsessed with her when we were together as well which caused some of the problems that lead to our breakup. I was still pretty hung-up on her till I got in my 2nd relationship 6 years latter. I quickly became very obsessed with her too & hated being away from her & saw myself slipping into the bad habits I had with my 1st. I started taking an anxiety med(I did abit of research 1st) after I had a bad panic attack & realized that being clingy is somewhat related to anxiety. After we broke up I started obsessing about things & my OCD spiked. I realized that my OCD was some of why I was so obsessed & why I had problems in both relationships & it was making it harder for me to deal with the breakups. I did more med research & started taking something for OCD & that helped but I got in my 3rd relationship rite after & I moved in with her last year. I'm not majorly obsessed with her like I was with my 1st two & I'm alot more stable in this relationship so I think the meds are helping some as well as learning, maturing & growing from the experiences with my two exes. It also helps that she's also kind of clingy & needy. Lots & maybe most here who have problems getting over exes or problems within a relationship because they're too obsessed, clingy or whatever probably won't be helped much by anxiety & OCD medication like I was but I had problems throughout my life & they played off issues within the relationship to make the issues worse & then my anxiety & OCD caused me to make the issue worse than it was in a downward spiral that continued after the relationships fell apart.


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auntblabby
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30 Nov 2013, 1:15 am

^^^
well at least now you are a fortunate man. :thumleft:



woodster
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30 Nov 2013, 1:18 am

i dont understand how so many aspies cant get over people.

My experience, the first time i ever moved away from home it took me 6 weeks just to ring and let them know id arrived safely at the other end of my train journey.

I remember ending my first relationship with a girl who was totally loved up with me by just not ringing her for 6 months.

I always thought aspies were self obsessed and self interested.

Out of sight, out of mind is the usual way it works for me.

i always thought of myself as a cold hearted bastard that had to learn how to be socially minded, which i only reasoned was worth it because i felt i was doing the most selfish thing i could by being nice to people so theyd be nice to me back.


cant anybody relate to that way of being?



auntblabby
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30 Nov 2013, 1:20 am

woodster wrote:
i dont understand how so many aspies cant get over people. My experience, the first time i ever moved away from home it took me 6 weeks just to ring and let them know id arrived safely at the other end of my train journey. I remember ending my first relationship with a girl who was totally loved up with me by just not ringing her for 6 months. I always thought aspies were self obsessed and self interested. Out of sight, out of mind is the usual way it works for me. cant anybody relate to that way of being?

there are unsentimental aspies like yourself, and painfully sentimental ones like myself, and never the twain shall meet. they even occupy different parts of the political spectrum.



woodster
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30 Nov 2013, 1:25 am

auntblabby wrote:
woodster wrote:
i dont understand how so many aspies cant get over people. My experience, the first time i ever moved away from home it took me 6 weeks just to ring and let them know id arrived safely at the other end of my train journey. I remember ending my first relationship with a girl who was totally loved up with me by just not ringing her for 6 months. I always thought aspies were self obsessed and self interested. Out of sight, out of mind is the usual way it works for me. cant anybody relate to that way of being?

there are unsentimental aspies like yourself, and painfully sentimental ones like myself, and never the twain shall meet. they even occupy different parts of the political spectrum.



haha, you seem pretty reasonable minded to me, ive not disagreed with a post ive read by you so far.

i think with me its the adhd and autism at war with itself. My dad was a womanizer adhd type personality, my mum was a quiet aspie. I know how to be caring but at the same time i have this cold dead part of me inside.

a cousin of mine has actually questioned whether ive ever cried in my life. i have obviously, but it must be the kind of impression i give off irl.



auntblabby
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30 Nov 2013, 1:39 am

woodster wrote:
haha, you seem pretty reasonable minded to me, ive not disagreed with a post ive read by you so far. i think with me its the adhd and autism at war with itself. My dad was a womanizer adhd type personality, my mum was a quiet aspie. I know how to be caring but at the same time i have this cold dead part of me inside. a cousin of mine has actually questioned whether ive ever cried in my life. i have obviously, but it must be the kind of impression i give off irl.

my dad was the same way. and my mom the same way as your mom. I give off vibes of "cold dead" also, I have been told repeatedly that I am "unapproachable." this pisses me off as I cannot for the life of me figure out how I could be unapproachable, other than the fact that I neither transmit nor receive body language.



starenczak
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30 Nov 2013, 9:24 am

I had to reply to this post - I have often wondered why it has taken me so long to get over an ex. The first one took maybe five years, and the new one is still a year on without much change in my feelings on the situation.

My problem is that I do move on, I find a new partner very quickly but I am never able to forget the one before who I had strong feelings for. One time I had tried to move on with several different partners (not simultaneous) but still the memory of the last one stayed with me and I would doubt the relationship I was in.

I have no idea this was related to AS and I think I will have to re-plan what I do a little.



nick007
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30 Nov 2013, 12:07 pm

auntblabby wrote:
^^^
well at least now you are a fortunate man. :thumleft:
So is this forum because I'd be complaining here alot

starenczak wrote:
My problem is that I do move on, I find a new partner very quickly but I am never able to forget the one before who I had strong feelings for. One time I had tried to move on with several different partners (not simultaneous) but still the memory of the last one stayed with me and I would doubt the relationship I was in.
I'm the same way except for finding new partner quickly part. When I was in my 2nd relationship I kept talking about my 1st but it got alittle better as the relationship went on. I did the same thing in my current; I mention both exes some but it's gotten alot better as the relationship progressed. Now I mostly mention when it's relevant to something like rite now how it's related to this post. I do think of em some but not nearly as much now.


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But I don't want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.