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qawer
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29 Nov 2013, 11:52 am

How do you deal with intense hatred for people who have previously bullied you?

Telling yourself that they never succeeded in getting you down?



Monolithe
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29 Nov 2013, 1:06 pm

That you are able to let the past stay in the past and look at them with new eyes/ give them a new chance and move on, makes you appear mature and responsible. Being able to "raise above", move on from and forgive what your bullies did, will leave out a place in your mind for other more positive thoughts, and leave it open for you to move forward and not let yourself be "held back" by the memories of how you once were before. Besides forgiving your bullies may also give them a new outlook on you and themselves, and it might help them for the better to. Just because they were mean to you, you don't have to be mean to them. And if they are still the same mean douchebags as they were before, try to keep this quote in mind:

"Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much" | Oscar Wilde


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29 Nov 2013, 1:17 pm

"Telling yourself that they never succeeded in getting you down?"

Kind of like that. I used to have a special hell for people like that, where they received their "just deserts."(sp?)

Now, older and more peaceful, if I'm feeling bullied by someone's actions I'll say something (even though it may not be very eloquent ); it makes me feel better standing up for myself. The only issue is to be very very careful it's not just a misunderstanding on my part.



qawer
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29 Nov 2013, 1:21 pm

The reason I'm asking is because I've been bullied out of my job, nothing less. I've have nothing but intense hatred left for my former coworkers. Time can do a lot, but I'd like to never think of them again, which is difficult.



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29 Nov 2013, 1:36 pm

some of the best friends ive had have been people ive fought with

i had a fight with a guy at my new primary school on the first day.

He tried to pick on me, we fought, then we made friends and talked, and then I walked home with him that night and he showed me where he lived.

i walked with him to school every day for the rest of the time i was at the school.

It's a common theme.

you'd be surprised how much of a bonding experience a fight can be.


qawer wrote:
The reason I'm asking is because I've been bullied out of my job, nothing less. I've have nothing but intense hatred left for my former coworkers. Time can do a lot, but I'd like to never think of them again, which is difficult.



ah, thats different. ive had some bad co worker experiences. i got bullied out of a job a couple of years back. I might have challenged it by having a go at someone but bullying is so underhand these days. the unresolved nature makes it so much worse. I do really dislike the people that i worked with.



redrobin62
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29 Nov 2013, 2:02 pm

I was in a similar situation. I wasn't bullied out of my job; I was just told that they won't be using me anymore because I'm not a perfect fit. It was one of the few jobs I liked, too because I felt close to my Chinese heritage at it.

I was so filled with anger at getting fired that all sorts of devious thoughts, most involving a samurai sword, floated through my head. After a few months I finally calmed down and left those people behind. I had no one to talk about it to so, in a sense, it was a dangerous thing for me to keep inside.

Such thoughts are, of course, destructive. Yes, people lash out at their old co-workers all the time and end up in the newspapers about it. I'm glad I didn't go that far. I had talked about, in snippets, on WP, though so talking about it helped me.



Quintex
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29 Nov 2013, 2:32 pm

qawer wrote:
The reason I'm asking is because I've been bullied out of my job, nothing less. I've have nothing but intense hatred left for my former coworkers. Time can do a lot, but I'd like to never think of them again, which is difficult.

I lost a job several years ago due to some misunderstandings with management and clients. I could have looked at it as me being bullied out of my job. Apparently breaking rules and lying about it was part of the job description and those are two things I just can't do. I left on mutual agreement with management.

However, there were other good people that worked there that became friends. I still routinely go for out for lunch with two of them and a third one has decided working with me at my new job is great (I recommended him when he lost his job at the other place).

Though the bad memories of that job and the hell I went through on a daily basis I still found some good to take away with me. Yes, being unemployed with little skills at finding new work (I fail at interviews and my resume apparently understates my skill set) was horrible and almost cost me my independence, but it all worked out for the better in the end.

Five years later that company where management bullied me out went bankrupt, there are allegations of legal wrongdoing and the people that harassed me are in dire times. I could have fought back at the time but there was no upside end game for me in doing that so I let it go and moved on.

Yes, I believe that karma is a b***h.

I learned from experiences in my twenties that harbouring hate and letting it build just held me back, in my thirties I learned to let it go, look for good and move forward. Hatred becomes tunnel vision and you miss everything else by obsessing on things that will never change in the world.


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bumble
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29 Nov 2013, 3:08 pm

I think to myself how I'd like to smack them upside the head, rant about it, then get on with doing something more positive or interesting instead.



bumble
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29 Nov 2013, 3:08 pm

you being bullied sweetie?



qawer
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29 Nov 2013, 3:43 pm

bumble wrote:
you being bullied sweetie?


An attempt to be funny?



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29 Nov 2013, 3:45 pm

qawer wrote:
The reason I'm asking is because I've been bullied out of my job, nothing less. I've have nothing but intense hatred left for my former coworkers. Time can do a lot, but I'd like to never think of them again, which is difficult.


With time, I usually stop obsessing over my resentment in such situations and let go of the anger (and being bullied out of a job is a situation I've been through MANY times).

That said, however, there are certain obituaries which I will take great pleasure in reading, especially if they contain stories of tragedy and pain. :twisted:



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29 Nov 2013, 3:45 pm

qawer wrote:
How do you deal with intense hatred for people who have previously bullied you?

Telling yourself that they never succeeded in getting you down?


I ignore the worst of them. As far as I'm concerned, they no longer exist and are of no matter whatsoever. Fortunately, I rarely run into any of them.



bumble
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29 Nov 2013, 4:12 pm

qawer wrote:
bumble wrote:
you being bullied sweetie?


An attempt to be funny?


No asking if you are being bullied as your question pertains to such circumstances and people usually ask such things when they are experiencing them.



bumble
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29 Nov 2013, 4:14 pm

Ah you said previously.

I see.



qawer
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29 Nov 2013, 4:51 pm

bumble wrote:
qawer wrote:
bumble wrote:
you being bullied sweetie?


An attempt to be funny?


No asking if you are being bullied as your question pertains to such circumstances and people usually ask such things when they are experiencing them.


Hi bumble.

In the environment I've been a part of for quite some time, calling someone "sweetie" would be a derogative term. I see you didn't intend it that way, I'm just on guard you know.

It's because they did not think I fitted their pack properly, so they've kept on trying to bully me into obedience. One thing is when one person bullies you, another is when it's everyone around you on a daily basis in a full-time office job.



bumble
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29 Nov 2013, 5:06 pm

qawer wrote:
bumble wrote:
qawer wrote:
bumble wrote:
you being bullied sweetie?


An attempt to be funny?


No asking if you are being bullied as your question pertains to such circumstances and people usually ask such things when they are experiencing them.


Hi bumble.

In the environment I've been a part of for quite some time, calling someone "sweetie" would be a derogative term. I see you didn't intend it that way, I'm just on guard you know.

It's because they did not think I fitted their pack properly, so they've kept on trying to bully me into obedience. One thing is when one person bullies you, another is when it's everyone around you on a daily basis in a full-time office job.


It is ok, I often call people sweetie as a way of trying to be friendly (Years of being accused of being unfriendly means I seek ways of finding ways of sounding friendly so people don't think I dislike them....something that happens to me a lot even when I have no problem with someone and think they are very nice).

I did not mean it in a derogative way so sorry if it reads like that.

I know what you mean about people not feeling you fit their pack properly...I often find that people try to bully me into submission. I was bullied at school, at work and even on the internet. i really hate when they do that..

Personally, I do not wish to fit into their pack...their pack means little to me. I do not hang around in packs at the best of times.