Do your family and friends understand your autism/asperger's

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Mine certainly do not and I'm constantly being told I'm nasty and selfish. Since I was diagnosed about 2 years ago, not one of them has even bothered to Google it. Sure they know roughly what it is, but they don't understand what things I find difficult and they expect me to behave like an NT and get angry at me when I don't. "It's your own fault you don't have any friends, you don't join in, you don't go out to clubs and stuff." "people don't like you because you're rude and you don't look at them when they're speaking to you." "you need to stop getting so upset over tiny little things!" "sometimes i wonder if you even care, you show no sympathy to anyone when they need it!" These are just a handful of the comments I get on a daily basis. I feel so alone.

Hi SherlockTheUnicorn,

I understand you! You just have the mindset of a cat instead of a dog. That's all there is to it, and dogs are in no way better than cats, just different.

We should not expect to be happy leading a dog's life when we are cats - never let anyone force you to lead a dog's life if you can avoid it, you are not going to be happy.

Wish you all the best.

I love cats!

My biological family is oblivious. Since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago, my mother and my older sister act like every little quirk is because of that. My husband, on the other hand, thinks he understands it when he reallly doesn't. And no amount of trying to explain it to him disabuses him of the notion.

My parents do. The rest of my family doesn't and just think "it's all in my head".
Only two of my friends know I have Asperger's and they understand. I just told my other friends that I have ADD but not that I have Asperger's. I usually tell people only about ADD, but not about Asperger's. The rest of my friends think my autistic behaviours are just a side effect of ADD because this is what I told them. Anyway, they understand.

My dad tries to understand, but when my 16 year old brother overreacts and it is NOT due to HIS AS, he makes excuses. If I had a genuine meltdown when I lived with him he would tell me to stop overreacting and be an adult. My mother understands a great deal owing to the fact that my 12 year old half brother (from her third husband) is on the spectrum as well (she just refuses to acknowledge it). My wife is somewhat new to the whole thing though, and is still learning. There are times when I do something completely out of misunderstanding due to ASD, and she begins saying that I am a selfish @$$. I think that if people actually took the time to look into our daily lives without prying, that those that don't understand and came at it with a fresh pair of ears and eyes that they might learn and understand.

At the moment there are only four people in my life with whom I've mentioned or discussed this whole thing.

One accepted it readily and will freely refer to it as acceptingly as mentioning height or eye color: like a 'given.'
One does the whole "NO YOU'RE NOT" accompanied by huge laughter and mocking.
One said simply "Oh my sister thinks her son is too!" and nothing further has been said.
And a fourth person readily accepted it and urged to me seek all the support I need; she happens to be a clinical psychologist.

So I guess I've got 3 out of 4 accepting people, which is not bad. The one who doesn't accept it is oddly the one who is usually more supportive of me and I thought kind of "got" me. But someone else here on WP wisely pointed out that perhaps he thinks it is "supportive" to deny it and try to get me to deny it too. Kind of like he thinks it's the same thing as saying encouragingly "Oh come on, you're not looking fat!!" Or some other way of cheering you up about something perceived as a negative.

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Only my parents know I "might" have AS, but they are mostly in denial, which is actually fine by me. They blame my quirks on giftedness. Not sure how breaking down when the living room gets redecorated qualifies as a quirk though Anyway, I like it this way. I can sort out my problems without making a big drama out of it most of the time.

No, my birth family does not accept it. I need a lot of alone time and because I need this time, to cope, I do not do what they desire continually. I also apparently do not fill the adult female role due to this reason ie having children etc. This has caused a rift with my birth family and they no longer speak to me due to this perceived conflict.

My dad found out that I have Asperger's since I was 13. He understands how difficult my life is and, at the separate time, treats me like a child because he thinks I can't do anything right. As the years go by, I learned how to things by myself, from taking speech to learning languages, from learning to read to taking English classes, from controlling my tempers on and off to struggling with math, and from washing dishes to handwashing clothes.

My family, for the most part understands I'm an Aspie.

My friends on the other hand, not so much. I should note that most of them don't know I'm an Aspie so that's on me, but for as long as I've been around them, everytime we go out they're all like "just to talk to those girls there" like it's that easy for me.

when i was first diagnosed, my dad saw the connection, but didnt fully understand, he still doesnt understand some things, but i can tell he did some research. My sister does understand, my grandfather doesnt, my mom doesnt, and all my aunts dont, they think im just lazy, rude, awkward and slow. so i can relate.

Ask these dim bulbs if you'd been diagnosed as having cancer, if they'd claim you could make yourself better if you just wanted to.

Next time one of them claims it's your own fault because you "don't join in", ask them if they really understand what autism is.

Ask them "You do understand that not knowing how to join in is one of the symptoms of autism, don't you? Why are you persecuting me for having a neurological disability? What's your next trick? Blaming a blind person because they can't see?"

Tell them flat out they're being cruel, and are poking fun at you because some of your brain functions don't work like people with average brains.

Try this with whatever complaint they have that shows their ignorance about what autism is and how it works.

Ask them if they really want you exposing yourself to people who refuse to recognize your neurological limitations, or how much it takes out of you to even TRY to interact like other people do. If they say "No, of course not" then say "Maybe I'd best keep away from YOU then and find someone who REALLY cares about me."

I know being cruel and nasty is more their way of doing things, but sometimes being blunt is useful.

I dont even understand it, and i have it. dont expect them to understand, and no they dont.

No one understands, and it is frustrating. However, that is reality.

Nobody in my family knows. I've debated discussing it with my mother and father, but am still undecided. I've discussed it with a select few friends, none have dismissed it, but they haven't seemed particularly curious about it either.

I don't expect anyone to understand. As long as they don't dismiss it, I'm fine with that.