I looked back, dear god why did I look back

Post Reply New Topic

I don't know why but on the bus this morning I began to think about her again. I've been able to keep her off my mind for nearly a month but for some reason she just popped into my head. I'm talking about the one who has the broken cellphone.

These thoughts started out rather well and strangely in chronological order. It began with the first time we saw each other and talked, what a wonderful time that was. I think we really had a chance back then, but then like an idiot I f****d it up, like a f**k everything romantically related up I f****d this one up to. Then the thoughts began to drift towards darker places, places were I shouldn't have gone, and it was all because I had to look back and reflect on the past.

I should just let it go and stop here, so I will. I just deleted about three paragraphs of useless info describing the situation that I've already described, and how it has affected me, but I think it's time I stop thinking about me and that I start thinking about here. If I truly wanted to be romantic, and if I truly wanted to be the good guy in this situation, then it's time I put her feelings over mine. As much as it pains me to say it, I think I need to try and let her go forever. If I ever see her again (fat chance) then maybe I'll be able to actually ask her out, but who knows. Either way I'm done, now more trying, I've realized love and luck are something that go hand-in-hand, and I think I've gotta leave it in the hands of luck now.

You can't do today's crossword with yesterday's clues.

I'm sorry for what sound like a traumatic and hurtful time.

But it's in the past now. Get an early night and see how you feel in the morning.

(And you made it for a month -- yay, that's not bad going!)

I didn't "make it for a month" or any amount of time for that matter, cause or relationship never passed the friendship stage.

It wasn't traumatic or hurtful but it was insightful, though for the longest time I regarded the situation as traumatic and hurtful. IT's like what if god made Eve just for Adam, but Eve didn't want to be with Adam cause living her life the way she wants to is more important than a life with Adam forever. Eve has a job, and other friends she needs to dedicate her time to, a boyfriend would just overcomplicated things for her. Yeah that's best way to describe what happened.

I also wont be having any good sleep coming up cause guess what... I just ran out of anti-psychotics! So I'm a little on the loopy side of things right now.

I meant 'a month without thinking about her'.



Strong painkillers with hot whiskey work as a stopgap. So I'm told. Not that I would ever recommend anyone abuses over-the-counter medicine and alcohol together. But I am reliably informed that a decent night's sleep can be had off the combination if you've run out of crazy pills.