Self awareness

Post Reply New Topic

I am doing rather well socially lately, I have made several close acquaintances in university and relatively often hang out with people whom I wouldn't exactly call friends but whose company doesn't feel too awkward However, I am afraid of not being self aware enough and of the possibility of committing some unforgivable faux pas without even noticing.
I do not know these people very well but I have heard them talking about how weird some other people were, and I am afraid they'll think I am weird too once I start relaxing more (I actually didn't like it when they talked behind other people's backs, but I am trying to ignore this kind of things in order not to be alone for the rest of my life).
Does any of you have advice on how to tell if you are being awkward, weird or annoying? Would it be a bad idea to ask one of my new acquaintances to tell me honestly if I do something wrong?

I only notice negative reactions, but I rarely have a clear sense of what I did wrong. It doesn't hurt to ask them to give you a heads up. Sometimes people still won't tell you out of an ingrained sense of politeness, but it never hurts to try.

I have trained myself to read body language and microexpressions.... though this has helped some mostly it just added more depth to reading people for how/who they are rather than what they wish or are trying to convey themselves to be.... So I know in great detail how other people are behaving to me, I can tell when people lie to me, I know now when I'm being put on or manipulated... but I still can't do anything about it or see it coming in time (which would be like a week ahead, lmao) to react appropriately. So if anyone has mastered that aspect, please elucidate further... inquiring minds want to know and all.

1) Join in the conversations about 'weird friends' but make sure you do it affectionately and while also raising that person's good qualities -- your new friends are young yet, and can be taught to welcome social diversity in a non-didactic way (also has the secret agenda of preparing them to be more acceptant of you, should you need to drop the AS Bomb at some stage)

2) This: "Would it be a bad idea to ask one of my new acquaintances to tell me honestly if I do something wrong?" -- would be a quite spectacularly bad idea. NTs f**k up all the time, they just shrug and get on with it, and no-one remembers five minutes later. Preparing your friends to think you might be a bit weird is not a wise move. If you f**k up, deal with it -- preferably together as friends -- and then move on. But I think your anxiety at having some new friends is causing your fear of committing a faux pas to be a little exaggerated. Relax, and enjoy it while it lasts, because nothing ever does.

If you think you've got to know them well enough, then 'come out' as autistic. You never know, it may give you a certain niche charm and quirkiness in their eyes (and if they are as shallow as most youngsters these days, they may actually prize you for it -- been there, and it's actually quite annoying, but better than being ignored ... sometimes).

It's fine to worry about how your friends perceive you, but as long as they remain your friends, they can't think you're all that awful, so it's probably best to keep a sense of perspective on your self-doubt. Look at all the God-awful idiots who have loads of friends (most of whom are also God-awful idiots). Go for quality, not quantity, every time.

You may find in time that you don't like them very much. That's fine too.

They're noft very "affectionate" conversations, actually. This is how I feel about them:
http://xkcd.com/1176/


It's not that I'm that anxious about screwing up. I just have the impression that I wouldn't notice and people would start scoot-scoot-scooting away from me without me even realizing what I did wrong.
I am not completely clueless about the obvious reactions, but I think I might not be getting the subtler ones. Anyway, thank you all for your replies

No, I said you should join in in an affectionate way. You'd be surprised the effect this can have, particularly if another person in the conversation feels uncomfortable about the negative tone but is keeping quiet.