Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ] 

jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

06 Dec 2013, 11:51 am

there's this woman at work who seemed friendly when I first met her so I say hi when I see her which isnt often at all, lately when I say hi she looks scared of me or creeped out or something. I never say anything other than small talk. I don't think I did anything wrong so why does she look at me like I'm holding a big knife or something. its very off-putting.



Lostiehere
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2013
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 345

06 Dec 2013, 12:09 pm

IMHO, it could be a few things:

1.) She likes you and doesn't know how to deal with talking to someone once she is attracted emotionally and/or physically to them. I would know (lol) 'cause this is my own personal reaction in such rare cases that I like someone.

2.) She may have some form of social anxiety or a related condition.

3.) She may have perceived something you said in a different way than you had intended it...for instance, you said "I like kids" (which can be a good thing obviously) into "I am a perve." Just throwing that example out as a possibility.

4.) She may not be well-practiced in social settings because of being isolated by her family growing up and into adulthood never learned.



jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

06 Dec 2013, 2:03 pm

Her job involves talking to lots of different people, I doubt she's anxious or anything.

I think maybe my body language or facial expression was slightly off or something. I think maybe that could make someone's reaction look a bit worried.

Or maybe she is attracted to me. I think she has a boyfriend, would that matter? I'm not attracted to her I just think it would be cool if that was the reason, rather than me coming across weird.



Lostiehere
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2013
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 345

07 Dec 2013, 10:44 am

It depends on the woman really. It would matter to me....going out with two people that is . The thing is....people can be attracted to more than one person and not act on it....that is where dissonance and subsequent nervousness can start to set in. Guilt. It is sad when people feel guilty for even liking the presence of someone else... but the reality is.... It can happen. I'm definitely not saying this is the case with her...only that it is possibility, yes.



Ideawizard
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Sep 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 58
Location: United States

09 Dec 2013, 1:02 pm

Do yourself a favor, buddy.

Step in front of a working video camera.

Pretend its her, and say hi like its her while it's recording

Watch the video recording.

You might see for yourself what it is you did wrong 8O



Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,717
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

09 Dec 2013, 11:16 pm

You might have become the victim of gossip. Women work on the precautionary principle - shun on suspicion, not on proof. They are also prone to mistaking all men with mustaches (for example) for one who hurt them.



Aoi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jul 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 683

10 Dec 2013, 1:11 am

A question: can you, jerry000, reliably read other's facial expressions and body language?

I ask this because I know I cannot do it. I can barely recognize basic emotional states in people, and I've had close to five decades of practice. So your interpretation of her behavior is dependent on your having the ability to read facial expressions and body language reliably, and since many people on the spectrum don't do so well in this area, I thought I'd ask.



blacklashes
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 37

10 Dec 2013, 11:59 am

Dear_one wrote:
You might have become the victim of gossip. Women work on the precautionary principle - shun on suspicion, not on proof. They are also prone to mistaking all men with mustaches (for example) for one who hurt them.


I disagree, women are individual and are often more direct and honest than men, in my experience anyway.

I have a slightly different perspective. Maybe you just witnessed her relaxed facial expression. I always get told I look like a b***h (ffs) based wholly on my facial expression because I don't have a perma grin. A blank expression could mean a million different things. Just ask her what's on her mind if it happens again, she may be stressed or distracted.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

10 Dec 2013, 12:56 pm

The answer is in the title: ''People are weird'', because, well, people can be weird. It's probably nothing to do with you at all, but I understand it is very off-putting and makes you feel like you're doing something wrong. I know mostly it's apparently the Aspies fault when people behave like this, but it's not fair to keep blaming the Aspie all the time and saying things like ''maybe you give off a 'I'm a murderer' vibe'', because, well, come off of it, surely NTs know that you can't be that ''scary'' and unpredictable, as in going to hurt or kill somebody, otherwise you most probably wouldn't be in the job if you are liable to do things like that.

But, like you said, people are weird. I think if more NT people used their brains, we would be more accepted and this world would be a slightly better place for Autistics and Aspies.


_________________
Female