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binaryodes
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10 Dec 2013, 1:56 pm

How many of you on reflection have realised that you have AS symptoms you were previously unaware of. I realised today that I take things literally and this is part of the reason why I keep realising that "actually ive just interpreted the criteria wrong"


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redrobin62
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10 Dec 2013, 4:28 pm

It was a relief for me to be diagnosed with autism. Now, when I look back at my various faux pas, there was a reason for them. It doesn't excuse me, though. It just gives me an explanation why I did the things I did.



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10 Dec 2013, 5:18 pm

I wonder if my habits were just stims I was doing. I remember being told to not play with my hair, don't play with my ear. Even then I thought they were habits and I couldn't stop doing them. I got told over and over to not do that. I remember I twirled my hair and one boy asked me in math class why do I do that and showed me. I never got in trouble for them of course. I also remember my mom telling me to stop kicking because I always swung my legs and would kick the counter, my brothers did it too and she told them to stop too.

I was 14 when I learned I took things literal. I never realized it before and I don't remember getting into trouble for it. Only time I remember getting into trouble for it was when I kept teasing my mother on the way home and she kept telling me to stop that teasing so I kept doing a different tease. For a while I just thought it was a misunderstanding she she wasn't clear enough and she misspoke and she blamed it on me. I also remember getting into trouble for it at my old work too several times and I was told I wasn't using my common sense.

I also wonder if I really do have ADD or was it just autistic symptoms. It seems like they have faded once I was given occupational therapy for my sensory issues and once those got resolved, I wasn't so easily distracted anymore in my classroom or by my environment. I still wonder if my listening problems are due to ASD or ADD.

There are things I do wonder about like how much of the bullying was actually bullying or did I just misunderstand their intentions or took their teasing as them being mean so I was the mean one. It also makes sense why I had so many accidents on the monkey bars because I was so clumsy then and even though those other kids did them too but not often and because I did them frequently, they always got mad at me about it and assumed it was intentional. I thought then they were just being mean and for years I stayed away from those kids and saw them as the same kids they were in second grade. It was like I was holing a grudge but I was just being too black and white. I truly thought they were mean kids and were going to hurt me and make fun of me and get mad at me if I do a boo boo so I didn't want to be around them. Telling me that was back in third grade told me nothing. It's like saying to someone who was molested "That was 1985, get over it" and expect them to be friends with that person again who did the sexual assault. People didn't seem to care these kids were mean and don't like how I speak and don't like it when I make mistakes and get mad at me about it calling me mean and making fun of the way I talk. To me they were the same kids. I realize now that may have been my black and white thinking I did in my childhood. Good thing I got over that thinking.


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10 Dec 2013, 7:39 pm

I remember reading about echolalia and thinking how weird it was and wondering what it was like...then caught myself repeating a line from a favorite childhood carton, which I've repeated who knows how many times in the past. Then caught myself repeating another customer's order in a fast food restaurant. Then thought about all the times I've randomly and unconsciously repeated the phrases I picked up from my foreign language studies while going about my day.



ZombieBrideXD
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10 Dec 2013, 8:05 pm

I realized i Stim, and if i dont stim i tend to hit myself and scream.


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eggheadjr
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10 Dec 2013, 9:18 pm

Um - yeah.

I think half the planet got that I was aspie / autistic before I did.

After being formally diagnosed in my 40's, my psychologist gave me a list of Asperger's Syndrome common characteristics and told me to take home and read it.

It was a long list and there were very few things on it that I didn't check off. When I discussed with my psychologist at my next session she pointed out things I was doing that either:

a) i didn't think people noticed

b) I didn't consciously realize I did until the psychologist told me I did and gave me examples of when I displayed the behaviour in her presence

The whole thing was somewhat akin to realizing you are walking around in public with no clothes on and everyone has been too polite to tell you.

8O


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League_Girl
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11 Dec 2013, 1:46 am

I remember when I was reading about AS, I didn't realize I had personal space issues or had a hard time reading people. I outgrew my personal space issues of course when my mom told me the arm length rule. I thought reading people meant knowing they are angry or sad or when you touch them and they slap your hand away or when you hug them and they pull away or push you away or seeing someone smile. Well that's part of it but there is more than that. That was just basic stuff. Also just because you know someone is mad doesn't mean you understand why they are or just because you can see facial expressions doesn't mean you understand them or read them.


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Adamantium
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11 Dec 2013, 5:55 am

eggheadjr wrote:
Um - yeah.

I think half the planet got that I was aspie / autistic before I did.

After being formally diagnosed in my 40's, my psychologist gave me a list of Asperger's Syndrome common characteristics and told me to take home and read it.

It was a long list and there were very few things on it that I didn't check off. When I discussed with my psychologist at my next session she pointed out things I was doing that either:

a) i didn't think people noticed

b) I didn't consciously realize I did until the psychologist told me I did and gave me examples of when I displayed the behaviour in her presence

The whole thing was somewhat akin to realizing you are walking around in public with no clothes on and everyone has been too polite to tell you.

8O


That's about it.

I have been going through this for about a year now, and I am still having these moments of realizing that something I think of as unique to me is really symptomatic and other people have been dropping hints about this for years and I could not see it.

I think it's not obvious and people I have disclosed it to have either been surprised or have known for years when I was clueless. I think this means that the signs are clear to those who know but just seem like personal eccentricity to ordinary people who are not educated about autism.

It also means that my self image is shattered and I have no faith in my own estimation of many things. This has been quite disruptive.



eggheadjr
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11 Dec 2013, 5:34 pm

I have found the diagnosis to be of great relief. I had always thought I was a "party of one" and did not understand why some people reacted to me like they did.

I now have answers to so many things in my life that previously I could not explain or understand about myself. As well, and probably more importantly, I now know that I am not alone and that it's OK to be on the autism spectrum.

Every day continues to be a learning experience but in a good way. I like who I am and am no longer embarrrased by it. I do work hard at being able to function in the neurotypical world but am also much more OK with being my aspie self too and letting it show a bit.

Some people around me are very accepting of it, others not so much. The best advice my psychologist gave me was that it's OK to be myself and that I cannot be responsible for the thoughts and actions of others.


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TommyGun991
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11 Dec 2013, 5:50 pm

I don't know if this is a symptom, I hope someone might provide input, but my mom recently told me that she had to tie handles of cupboards in the kitchen because I would open them and would empty their contents and proceed to line them up orderly on the floor. Also, she said I couldn't stand being left alone in a room and that the door of the room had to be opened at all times, they asked my why and I said I was afraid and when they asked me what am I afraid of I just said I'm afraid of fear. Generally, she's very skimpy when it comes to my behavior at a young age, I'm sure she holds some very useful info she hasn't shared with me.