How to pull the plug on an unhealthy relationship

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Summer_Twilight
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28 Dec 2013, 11:14 am

A close friend of mine has not been respectful to me as a person for nearly four years.

I.E- They are always giving off hints to use me for intercourse by asking me very inappropriate questions even though they do not care to date me. They also make comments to me like "Get your fat [email protected]#$ over here." Then they are constantly correcting my behavior in public as if I am a young child. Most comments by calling me, "Sweetie."

They also have not really interested in me as a friend either.
I.E- I invite them over to my house for social gatherings but they have appeared to get excited if another one of my friends comes over since they have a crush on them. Yet they do not have the guts to ask them out. If they do call me, it is whenever they want something or if they are lonely.

Finally, they are on the verge of making some very bad choices that will hurt their reputation. They even wanted me to be a part of it and I refused.

I most recently talked to a family member, and two other friends who are like family about the situation and we all agreed that it is time to break things off.

At any rate, I am not happy and I know it will be difficult as I love this person very much and but I do not know what to say and how to word it. What I do know is that I removed them from my contacts and from FB.



Fnord
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28 Dec 2013, 11:41 am

Tell them, "I like you as a friend", then unfriend them on Facebook, screen their calls, avoid them in public, and tell them you're terribly busy and "We'll talk later" if you do accidentally meet them in public.

You know ... the usual "Friendzone" thing ...



Summer_Twilight
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28 Dec 2013, 12:04 pm

I do not mind the avoiding part but being passive aggressive is something that I cannot do. I want to be honest without being too accusatory.



Fnord
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28 Dec 2013, 12:12 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I do not mind the avoiding part but being passive aggressive is something that I cannot do. I want to be honest without being too accusatory.

In that case, wait until you are in a public place with lots of people around, and then have an emotional break-up scene wherein you call him every foul name you can think of, insult his manhood, tell him to drop dead, and then run off sobbing and in tears.

Active-aggression or passive-aggression ... how you do it is up to you.



JSBACHlover
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28 Dec 2013, 12:16 pm

Stop responding to their texts and phone calls. Cut these toxic people off from your life.



Summer_Twilight
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28 Dec 2013, 12:44 pm

Fnord- Lol right!

JSBACHlover-I would have never thought of them being toxic before but that maybe the case. The last few times I had spent with them have left me feeling icky.



joku_muko
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28 Dec 2013, 1:59 pm

Just start creating your own boundaries and standing up for yourself and see what happens. People like it when you can set boundaries and even though you are limiting things they will respect you. When you first start you may piss people off, but keep at it. That is their problem not yours. You are only protecting yourself. You are getting hurt set the boundaries so you don't if they don't like it they will fraction off themselves. Also, you could just be blunt and tell them you can't be their friend anymore as they don't respect you. Once you start setting boundaries, knowing your limitations, and tell people these things you will have healthier relationships.



aspiemike
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28 Dec 2013, 4:17 pm

FNord's suggestion for being actively aggressive in person and creating a scene and making him look like the bad guy is a nice manipulation tactic. It would likely work to your advantage since guys are already labelled guilty when a girl does this in public... on most occasions.

However, the direct route would probably be to tell him face to face "I dont think we should be hanging out anymore." and hope not to give an explanation. Maybe have a friend or two with you as you do it if it helps.


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Summer_Twilight
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28 Dec 2013, 6:43 pm

I have tried setting boundaries with them and I think they understand but it is more like they do not care.

I.E- I had a social gathering at my house on the Friday after Thanksgiving and they were the first to arrive. I happen to have alphabet magnetic letters on my fridge and they managed to spell out the words "Big Sex Yum." I told them that it was acceptable to be doing that and that I don't want that type of language in my house.