confused about online dating

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buffinator
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28 Dec 2013, 10:27 pm

So I was enjoying talking to this girl on okcupid, and she gave me her number. The first time I texted her she asked for more pics since my profile only had one. after that I didn't hear from her for days and so I assumed that she wasn't interested. I sent her a message on the site asking what was up, and when I got no reply for several days and no reply to txts I started deleting message threads and whatnot so I could start disassociating and sent her one more message saying I was confused by what was going on and was giving up. The next day I get a text: "Excuse me?" ... No context. we text back and forth,s hes only using 1-3 words each time and I ask if I can call... I call her and she says basically nothing and I say I was confused and ask her out. She says "lets just text for now"

Out of 5 times I've texted her she has replied "who is this." 4 times. The first time she was clearly joking, after that I cant tell. I cant tell if I'm being f****d with or if this person is trying to be funny or if they removed me from her contacts and didnt know who I was after.

I've pretty much decided not to talk to her any more because the alarm bells are ringing. Am I doing the right thing?


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Zodai
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28 Dec 2013, 10:30 pm

I think she might have given you a fake number.


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goldfish21
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28 Dec 2013, 10:48 pm

Yes, you're doing the right thing.

Doesn't matter why.. whether she's playing with you or she's really super disorganized or if she's a low functioning aspie or any other reason, she's wasting your time & you're allowing her to the more you carry on with this nonsense.

Delete, forget, move on.


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yellowtamarin
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28 Dec 2013, 11:00 pm

Yes.



buffinator
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28 Dec 2013, 11:14 pm

I mean, I did talk with her on the phone briefly and she was rather softspoken/ quiet. It was clear she wanted to end the call. IDK


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yellowtamarin
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28 Dec 2013, 11:39 pm

Still yes.



goldfish21
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29 Dec 2013, 12:18 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
Still yes.


This.

Move on.. just say, "NEXT!"


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29 Dec 2013, 12:45 am

Yes, you are doing the right thing.
Sounds like she maybe playing games with you or she interested in some else and don't want to say.



em_tsuj
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29 Dec 2013, 4:35 am

her loss. she needs to get her stuff together.



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29 Dec 2013, 7:24 am

Forget about her, especially since she keeps treating you like some internet-random that she forgot about herself. :huh:



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Dec 2013, 8:25 am

She's not sure which one of the 100 okcupid guys you are of whom she gave them her number.



jerry00
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29 Dec 2013, 11:49 am

Frequently replying asking who you are, is a bad sign.

Sounds like a time waster. If a girl likes you she won't confuse you.



sepia
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30 Dec 2013, 5:52 pm

perhaps she was getting around to messaging you when you started requesting a response. depends on your communication style see... if someone would have done that to me i may well have responded with an 'excuse me?'
my communication style is pretty laid back and intermittent even with close friends. if people start trying to contact me in more than one medium or multiple times i just find them needy and back off. that said, if she liked you a lot, she would have made exceptions for you...
so time to move on.



buffinator
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30 Dec 2013, 6:42 pm

sepia wrote:
perhaps she was getting around to messaging you when you started requesting a response. depends on your communication style see... if someone would have done that to me i may well have responded with an 'excuse me?'
my communication style is pretty laid back and intermittent even with close friends. if people start trying to contact me in more than one medium or multiple times i just find them needy and back off. that said, if she liked you a lot, she would have made exceptions for you...
so time to move on.


I was kind of thinking that something like that might be going on. I have a false sense of urgency because my social life is rather empty right now and I'm really just looking for a reason to go out more than anything else. It's infuriating not being able to socialize when I want to. I don't really understand how people develop relationships in text only i.e. dating sites. Really I don't understand how to be valuable to another person in general as few if any of my friendships have lasted past the circumstances they formed in so maybe dating is a bit overambitious of me.


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sepia
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31 Dec 2013, 10:17 am

buffinator wrote:
sepia wrote:
perhaps she was getting around to messaging you when you started requesting a response. depends on your communication style see... if someone would have done that to me i may well have responded with an 'excuse me?'
my communication style is pretty laid back and intermittent even with close friends. if people start trying to contact me in more than one medium or multiple times i just find them needy and back off. that said, if she liked you a lot, she would have made exceptions for you...
so time to move on.


I was kind of thinking that something like that might be going on. I have a false sense of urgency because my social life is rather empty right now and I'm really just looking for a reason to go out more than anything else. It's infuriating not being able to socialize when I want to. I don't really understand how people develop relationships in text only i.e. dating sites. Really I don't understand how to be valuable to another person in general as few if any of my friendships have lasted past the circumstances they formed in so maybe dating is a bit overambitious of me.


i know that sense of urgency well. i am a slow-mo socializer and feel like i have to measure my social energy out carefully or i get exhausted and clam up. however, left to my own devices by the time i do meet up with some friends, sometimes i find myself overly talkative and dominating the conversation (poor my friends)... this usually happens if i haven't had human contact for a while.

my best online dating experiences have been where we decide to meet after about 5 messages each. i don't find it easy to judge how it will be received if i say, 'hey lets see if we get on as well in real life?'... but unless you are planning a long distance correspondence, it feels like the next step.



buffinator
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31 Dec 2013, 11:15 am

I've heard this a lot but whenever I ask the convo ends and sometimes the user just blocks me. I know at least one convo that I should have done this on. I really don't understand what some people put in their messages that that little communication is enough to form a connection.


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AQ: 31
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