Moving back home...

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So, I'm 36, I've lived independently (always with someone in a romantic relationship) all my life. I got out of my birth parents house when I was 9 and I was adopted at age 16. I lived with my adopted parents for 2 years then moved to the States to start college (they were stationed in Belgium). I never really had the feeling of living with family or really gotten to know what that concept meant in society.

I am doing fine where I am but my lease is up and I stalled out on looking for a new apartment so haven't found one and need to move out in 2 weeks. I was offered one of my parents apartments, an hour away in a different state until the cottage in their backyard is ready to live in (it was flooded last month). In exchange I help around their rentals and their house, they're both in their 70s now. I also have two elderly aunts nearby on adjacent properties that could use some looking after although one is visited frequently by her daughter an hour away. Ok, so this seems like an opportunity to be around and help out and eventually take over property management for my parents' rental company.

Also, it seems like, I failed at living independently because I allowed myself to become homeless due to lack of planning... I can't figure it out. I would like to be closer to my family because I have this aloof thing with people not regularly in my life that is disturbing to them. (it's like I have to get to know them again every time I see them... it's very annoying to me and them)

Any suggestions? Would you move back home to help your family, even if it meant leaving decent jobs? I feel like because I haven't and won't have children, my life needs some purpose. Career used to be my purpose but then I valued my relationships more so I didn't do what I needed to to advance. So now that I prioritize relationships, moving makes sense. Also, it protects me in case I start to not be able to work at full capacity (my parents would be my landlords, they wouldn't evict me). What do you think?

I think if moving to your parents' property gives you a long-term protection from homelessness etc and if you would like to be closer to your family again, then it's a very good idea to do so. You wouldn't usually want to give up your career because that could mean you'd be in trouble financially. In your case that doesn't seem to be the case. You could also restart a career in your new place, if you really want to. So I'd say you should go ahead with it.

Gosh, I'd kind of stick with the decent jobs. Then maybe if you get transferred or get a similar job in your parents' area, then move.

And just because the lease is up in two weeks, it might take them six weeks to evict you. Plus, many leases have a provision for holding over, which basically amounts to an extra fee.

Now, in Houston, a person probably could find and lease an apartment in two weeks, and a pretty good apartment at that. I think a lot depends on your city.

And I think a lot of quote-unquote 'normal' people have this sneak up on them, too. Because there's no perfect decision and the whole thing is emotionally charged in about ten different ways. For example, I like a neighborhood which is plenty safe enough, knowing full well that no neighborhood in the Houston area is perfectly safe. It is a feel and texture decision. Also, I've learned with myself, that I can get used to planes with no problem at all, because they come on slowly and fade away slowly. But with train whistles, I never get used to it because it's sudden and abrupt.

With the possibility of holding over past lease, I don't really know who to recommend. Apartment locator people, although they can be helpful on some occasions, when all is said and done, they are staunchly on the side of the landlord. And even attorneys, as expensive as that may be, probably do more work for landlords than for the occasional tenant.

I was living independently for several years before my widowed mother began to fall behind on the mortgage, and I moved back in to help with that as well as paying for some home repairs. It seems that especially these days, adult children moving back in with their parents, or in some cases never moving out, is more standard than it had been with the generations between the 1950's and 1990's. Although it is more culturally accepted, I have two Indian friends who have no intentions of moving out of their parents' houses, and will live there while slowly the parent-child dynamic shifts as everyone gets older and dependencies change.

If you don't want kids, you are correct that it could lend a sense of purpose, and it sounds as if it comes with a job you would likely inherit, attached. Ultimately, you would probably be helping your folks out quite a bit. The sticking point is the career you have now. It is a big step to give that up for the relatively unknown, but if you're cool with that, I guess there aren't many obstacles in the way.

Thank you all for your replies. Career being one deciding factor, I'm fortunate enough that my career is extremely portable, the hospitality industry is everywhere.

I want to make the best decision, I guess, so that leads to way over-thinking.... I have this complete sense that I'm done here, where I am right now, totally done, like I look forward to a new apartment or anything and it's blank. Almost as if nothing I've done has created that future so it doesn't exist. I can see being home, helping around the house, going on trips, etc. Maybe it's just because I want it so my mind is creating stuff for me to think about whereas staying where I am holds no promise for the future.

AHHHHH decisions... this one isn't a small one either. One of life's biggies. Also I'll have my own apartment and then later a house when I move back home. So I'll still be independent, just 5 minutes away then 20 seconds away from my parents house.

After living on my own from 1985 to 2008, I have been back living with my parents since 2008. And it has been difficult. Yes, I have more confidence, maturity, skills, but it has still been difficult.

Okay, so you're vusualizing the path of living with your parents. Alright, so maybe it's more a question of how than whether. And an independent source of income, like perhaps another hospitality job, might be a very good thing. You do know that people wrongly and inaccurately judge you by how long you've out of work, right? That even with the very valid reason of helping with family, the longer you're out of a regular job, the harder it is to get the next one. Obviously, shouldn't be this way, but to a considerable extent it is.

I've decided to stick with my good job and stay where I am. Now... to find an apartment very fast.

AardvarkG you gave me a lot to think about, I remember how hard it is being out of work, how much it sucks to look for work (way worse than the worst day at my current job), and how much it really sucks to be dependent on anyone (for me, not others, I don't think dependent people suck or people that depend on others to suck, etc.). I really don't want to go back to dinner at the soup kitchen and freezing my ass off putting in resumes all over creation. Not to mention, it costs money to look for work, so I'd have to reserve some of my savings for that! And it's not like I get free rent at my parents' properties either, they expect full payment, bills kept up with, etc. AND helping out whenever, and however they wish. I really misunderstood their motives, I thought they wanted me around more, well it's not very easy to live there-- there are far fewer jobs that are more spread out so you need a car, etc. so they would have to not charge me rent or something to make it at least equal to the deal I have where I am.

Now, to find a new apartment and a second job, winter is long in Maine.