What things do you find hard to understand in NTs?

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NatureLover
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02 Jan 2014, 4:11 pm

Sare wrote:
Oh, with women they tend to want to talk things out with others (use others as a sounding board) and they don't necessarily want you to offer a solution. I tend to want to offer a solution or fix a problem if someone starts to talk to me about their problems, so in this way my brain is more like a guys. I have to think things through to figure out the other persons intentions or ask the person what they want from me outright - solution to problem or sounding board. So, I've personally had to read up on how 'women' think in order to understand my own gender.

Whenever I say 'I don't understand' or 'I don't know' it is because what appears so simple is actually very complex - it's not that I literally don't 'understand' the gist of what is occurring.


Yes, I've been told I'm too logical and think like a guy because they are not as emotionally weak as women. Though I'm female, I do find my gender hard to understand as well. Even if I'm emotionally weak, I just don't know how to express my feelings and I rather not. I'm always kind of solemn in public, but my emotions can only be slightly expressed if I can relate to a situation where I can show empathy, which rarely happens.



NatureLover
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02 Jan 2014, 4:20 pm

Troy_Guther wrote:
However, if you'd like, I could definitely explain all of the examples you've given so far.


Yes, of course you can explain if you wish. I understand situations logically, but do not know how to really "feel" the situation. I have been through things that I could not understand, at first, I start to think that I do understand, but later on I forget and move on. I tend to move on a lot, unless the situation really grabs my attention, one in which I can relate to.



Joe90
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02 Jan 2014, 4:43 pm

-How most people ''allow'' popular people to act however they want, even if the popular/charismatic person breaks a lot of social rules, but if somebody unpopular and lacking in charisma breaks one social rule, that person is disrespected for life (or so it seems in some cases)

-How something can look silly on a person and encourages ridicule, then a year later that clothing type is in fashion and everyone suddenly shuts up about it

-Why people always make up jokes about drinking, like if someone trips over, the common joke ''what was you drinking last night?'' springs up. Can't you joke about something else instead of the same old drinking jokes?!

-Another thing about drinking: I can't understand why drinking is so important and if you don't drink you are boring. But then people that drink too much get called sado's. It's like the standards go from ''come on, what's wrong with you? Have a drink with the rest of your family/friends!'' then ''you need to go to rehab, all this fighting and lashing out when drunk is just pathetic, don't you realise nobody likes you because of it?'' and so it has to stay in between.

In fact a lot of expectations have to be nor too this or too that, it's always got to be neutral. I think the word ''too'' is too much for people to handle (I suppose it includes Aspies too, but I'm just talking about NT social standards here). It's like people are always looking for perfection, and can't see that nobody is perfect. Especially me.

''Don't bottle up your feelings, tell people how you feel!'' Then ''oh you do nothing but moan, just keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself!''

''Why don't you join in instead of getting so involved in your writing all the time?'' Then ''oh be quiet, we're trying to listen to the telly!'' (and then go back talking to each other).

''Why do you worry so much about other people's problems? It's their problem, not your's!'' Then ''all you think about is yourself, why don't you have a care about other people's problems for once?''

Then people wonder why I find life unfairly impossible. Why don't I just cruel away and die? *tsk*, *sigh*, *shuts eyes in despair*


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Troy_Guther
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03 Jan 2014, 6:04 am

NatureLover wrote:
Here is a list of things that I don't get about neurotypicals, these are the situations that I find hard to connect to, and I usually don't know what to say. I only act like I care when I don't understand what they are feeling.
Why do NTs:

-Get crazy over gold? It's just a gold metal.

-Say pregnancy and childbirth is awful, yet they continue to have children just to repeat that pain all over again.

-Say having children is important even if they comment on how children can be a pain.

-Break the laws when they know it's bad and they will eventually get caught.

-Join a gang even if death or jail are the only choices they have.

-Feel expensive clothing is the best when it's just fabric that you wear. I don't get what's so great about wearing a fashion designer's clothing, their sketched work is what I find more intriguing.

-Cheat on their partners when they badly want to stay committed.

There is much more to list. What things do you find hard to understand in other people that would be seen as "strange" or "rude"?


Before I go into explaining these things, I will say that the explanations are really quite similar for a number of these things. Human beings are, in general, opposed to deep and critical thought. Humans are, by their very nature, quite intellectually lazy, and people require a significant amount of motivation to think deeply and critically about things. This isn't a total slam on human beings either, the mental shortcuts, or heuristics, allow us to do far more with our limited time and energy than if we examined every situation thoroughly.

So, humans generally don't do much critical thinking if they can get away with it, but what does that have to do with valuing gold? To answer this, I must go with the oh so tired refrain of 'humans are social creatures'. People learn most effortlessly from observation, particularly observing the behavior of other people. Lot's of people value gold. Others see that gold is valued. Those new people learn to value gold from their peers. When asked why they value gold, they'll usually tell you they do so because gold is pretty or rare. But gold being pretty is just a subjective opinion, and the idea that, since gold is rare, it must be valuable is an error in logic. Rarity is often correlated with value, but rare things are not universally valuable. Expensive clothing relies on exactly the same dynamic. People seem to value expensive clothes, so people learn to value expensive clothes, regardless of their actual quality. A lot of people have not been given enough motivation to seriously question this line of thinking. But a lot of people have. I'm an example, and so are you. And if, eventually, enough people come to agree with us, a new paradigm will be born.

Children and childbirth are also related. It just so happens that getting married and having children is still highly valued in society, and this perceived value can often overpower the discomfort that childbirth and parenthood brings. Hormones also play an enormous role; I highly doubt we'd be so endeared to children if our hormones didn't make the little bastards seem so damn cute. It also helps that sex is so euphoric; it's not a coincidence that sex is so inextricably linked with pregnancy.

Breaking laws actually makes sense when you consider the lake Wobegon, or better than average effect. Everyone thinks they're smart, or at least smarter than other people. And everyone knows that only idiots get caught by the cops. :wink: The endless human ability to rationalize our own misdeeds as justified is also a huge factor.

The gang part was already pretty well explained by TheSperg, so I'll go ahead and defer to his/her explanation.

The part about cheating is simply the product of contradicting desires. People want to remain loyal to their partners, but they also want to have new and interesting sex. The same is true in affairs with a more emotional component. Perhaps your partner simply doesn't satisfy your emotional needs, so you end up finding someone who does. A person may want to remain loyal, but the needs end up taking precedence over the wants, in this case.