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pensieve
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28 Jan 2014, 9:59 pm

Tawaki wrote:
I never had full blown psychosis where I hear or saw things. I didn't think God was talking to me.

God talking to you is considered a psychosis? Ohh...That even goes way back to my childhood. And seeing demons and hearing the devil. This is also psychosis? Oh dear.

Tawaki wrote:
I get dysphoric manias which that lovely combo of being suicidal depressed with all that manic energy to finish the job. Those are horrible. You want to remove your head from your body. They flat out hurt.

Good description. God they hurt with rapid cycling over just minutes or seconds.

Tawaki wrote:
My big deal shrink says, as you get older, you get less manias and more depressions. My mood swings are much more less at 50 than at 30.

I have more manias than depressions at the moment. I'm 28.

Tawaki wrote:
I doubt you'll go from bipolar lite to full blown bipolar I, unless you are drinking or drugging.

That hasn't been the case for me -- oh right, you said drinking and drugging. Well, drugging is over and my last drink was three weeks ago. So I guess you have a point. Drugs did make me so much worse, and just going through a very stressful situation. And hormones.

Overall good description. I haven't had depression lasting longer than a week and that's when I was the closest to suicide. Mania has lasted up to 12 days. These are my longest consistent episodes. Almost became depressed today and I was like 'No no no! I must do some writing!'


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aussiebloke
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04 Feb 2014, 3:13 am

will you be able to understand , I'm not depressive and have tried to "get it" and can't , even trough paintings , as I suffer from anxiety/panic and with dp disorder I had a light bulb moment when I saw "The Scream"

And to think young dumb recreational drug users chase these *experiences* for fun they can have my dp for free :roll:

have you tried to understand through paintings ?


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Last edited by aussiebloke on 04 Feb 2014, 3:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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04 Feb 2014, 3:19 am

beneficii wrote:
With full-blown mania, everyone who interacts with you in real life would know something's very wrong. With full-blown depression, you likely would not have the motivation to make this post.


ditto anxiety disorder I'm on the pension and I think I scared 2 people at the soup kitchen I volunteer at and I've only been their 4 weeks :oops:

oh and I scared most of the builders away for quotes , the only one who did the renovations managed to fleece out of me a lot of $ , probably 2.5 x the real rate , good for him should be able to put his daughter through private school for the year .

funny all ways new I wasn't depressive didn't know what I had , how can anxiety be so bad ?


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04 Feb 2014, 7:13 pm

I don't think "get older" is 28 even at 38 I was told at the soup kitchen I was still "young" I think older starts at around 60 ?


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04 Feb 2014, 7:44 pm

I'm Bipolar ll NOS.
Euphoria is wonderful.Im creative,energetic,lose weight,but talk too much and act silly.Get lots of work done.Over do it and injure back compulsively hauling bricks,rocks,etc.Get tendinitis because I can't stop pruning the shrubs,or digging.That part,not so wonderful.
Mixed states suck.I feel so tired but can't sleep with horrid racing thoughts,a few hallucinations,anger,impulsive and anxious.
Depression is a big empty hollow feeling where everything seems far off.Its hard to even talk,the words seem to come out slow.Eat lots of carbs,gain weight,sleep or lay staring.Sounds get real loud,the tick of a clock is loud and irritating.The fan sounds like an airplane propeller.To get out of bed is climbing Everest.Wake up and wonder why I'm still here.Become convinced I have brain tumor and going to die.
I tend to cycle with the seasons.This poem reminds me of it.

There's a certain slant of light,
On winter afternoons,
That oppresses, like the weight
Of cathedral tunes.

Heavenly hurt it gives us;
We can find no scar,
But internal difference
Where the meanings are.

None may teach it anything,
'Tis the seal, despair,-
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the air.

When it comes, the landscape listens,
Shadows hold their breath;
When it goes, 't is like the distance
On the look of death.
E.D.


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aussiebloke
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05 Feb 2014, 12:12 am

^^^^

are you sure it's "fantastic" they say anxiety and depression are two sides to the same coin I get adrenaline and in my long ago work days I could use this faux "energy" to good use ,thought to it was great to until it became "to much" . now I wish it where all gone , how can you say it' s great when you haven't experienced *normality *


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Last edited by aussiebloke on 05 Feb 2014, 6:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Misslizard
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05 Feb 2014, 1:14 am

I'm not sure if I ever have experienced "normality."How would I know? :D


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05 Feb 2014, 1:52 am

Misslizard wrote:
I'm not sure if I ever have experienced "normality."How would I know? :D


well that's my point , if you had it I don't think you would want your depression ....


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Misslizard
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05 Feb 2014, 2:11 am

I take meds for depression.They helped immensely.But not mood stabilizers,they made me feel dull and thick.If that's normal, it's not that great.Better than the depression,but I'd rather have mild cycling than the thick feeling and the side effects they gave me.
But there's a mild euphoric state that feels wonderful,wish I felt that way always.


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05 Feb 2014, 6:35 am

Misslizard wrote:
I take meds for depression.They helped immensely.But not mood stabilizers,they made me feel dull and thick.If that's normal, it's not that great.Better than the depression,but I'd rather have mild cycling than the thick feeling and the side effects they gave me.
But there's a mild euphoric state that feels wonderful,wish I felt that way always.


I'm no expert (I take Paxil) though I believe that can be a side affect , thankfully the only side affect for me is weight gain I'm a little fatso now after a lifetime of been to thin !

strangely enough weight loss can be a side affect to 8O


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Raziel
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05 Feb 2014, 6:52 am

FireBird wrote:
10. Self harm (cutting primarily, but when severe head banging {intentional to cause so called 'brain' damage or unconsciousness}) I want the "brain" damage because I don't want to understand the Hell that is going to happen to my family and I, it brings me to tears even thinking about it. And I don't even know if I have a brain. I know you might think this has to do with Borderline Personality Disorder, but self harm can happen in other conditions besides BPD. Its just the most common in BPD.


Yes exactly. My personal opinion is that BPD is over-dx anyway, because nearly all ppl with psychiatric problems have emotional problems and also a poor impulse control is very common and also self-harm is common in a whole bunch of disorders, but astoningly even psychiatrists associate it mostly with BPD. So it's an "easy" diagnosis to give if you don't know what's wrong with the patient and have to dx something. I've also Tourettes and a "self-harm"-tic. Well, this tic sometimes hits me with the hand against my head. 8O

I was once miss-dx with it, because I'm Transgender and wanted to transition at that time. After I transitioned the dx got removed very fast and the psychiatrist who miss-dx me with it told me afterwards when he addmitted that the dx was wrong: "Well, I had to diagnose something and I never had an transsexual patient before". 8O
:x

I heard it a lot actually, that BPD is one of those labels psychiatrists like to give, when they don't know what else to give, what's one of the reason why especially so many autistic girls end up in this category.

I once had a Bipolar-II-suspicion, but so far I know I don't have it anymore. I'm dx with recurrent depression at the moment. Bipolar is also a highly difficult disorder to dx, if you aren't a clear cut case. Especially Bipolar II is difficult to detect and it's also a matter of interpretation where to make the cut off. Bipolar as dx is a lot more common in the recent years than it has been in the past. Actually Bipolar is the dx who is over and under-dx the most. So this means that ppl who don't have it easily get dx with it when they have mood problems, but it's also missed in ppl who really have it. BPD on the other hand is mostly just over-dx, at least that's my opinion. :wink:


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kaiouti
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08 Feb 2014, 9:29 am

It's like your an overenergetic child again, with no fear of death and you CAN be very naive.