NT things/Social rules you find stupid or rude?

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YES...exactly...this is a huge frustration for me. Why can't they recognize or respect the pause I am taking?!



Yes it can be problematic. Hoarding is a trait that runs in my family. I am careful not to stock up on things excessively. When things go to waste, it is usually because my sense of taste suddenly changes and I can't eat the same food anymore.

One thing I don't like is when NTs do or say stupid/irresponsible things just for the sake of "joking around". I mean, there's a time and a place to kid around, but I really don't like it when people mess with me while I'm trying to focus on something.

Yeah I also find this weird. If I find an item of clothing I like, and fits, and is flattering, dependant on how much money I have, I buy 2 or 3.
Slightly off topic, I once heard a guy speak about this weird quirk of psychology, wherin a smoker will only buy one pack of fags at a time. Weird! I mean he's going to need another pack tomorrow, or the next day, but instead of buying 3 packs, or a carton, and getting a discount; he buys a pack a day - everyday. The speaker thought it might be part of trying to convince himself he wasn't addicted. I'm not sure how one can connect this to the toilet paper though: Perhaps they are expecting a bout of constipation?

I hate their lack of theory of mind, or flexibility of mind; whatever you want to call it. I get really frustrated and peeved when they make assumptions and/ project their worst motives and intentions on to me - because that is how they would act in the situation. Connected to this is hypocrisy - often they have behaved in a certain way (often with purely selfish motives) but have no problem lashing out when I (or when they THINK I )exhibit the same behaviour.

As one who walks amongst NTs I can answer this. When people greet each other it is important to determine the trajectory or content of the conversation by first determining the mood or demeanor of the other person. There is no point hitting the other person with facts and figures if their mother just died or they just lost all their money on the horse races. Small talk is an established way that two or more people can determine the mood before talking in detail.



Eye contact is cultural, people of northern European extraction and/or individualistic societies tend to use eye contact, again it's functional in that you pick up the mood of the other person by looking into their eyes...

Expecting others to take part in what you see as pointless rituals (christmas, birthdays etc). I do celebrate other people's birthdays out of politeness but like when mine slips by unnoticed. Well that never happens but as unnoticed as possible.

Oooooooooo man I was hoping there was gonna be a thread with this question (I'm new)

I have millions of gripes against NTs social rules but I'll give you my top 5:

1) "Just kidding" Get away with everything statement. "You have an ugly face! I'm just kidding!" This one bugs me. Rather than openly say what you're thinking and hopefully resolve some kind of issue within a social relationship most people tend to throw a statement in and then immediately retract it in such away that makes YOU look like the bad guy by confronting it.

2) "Just be yourself......why are you acting weird? Why are you doing that? OMG you need a haircut!" The greatest lie ever told!

3) Related to the one above: This is what you have to wear with this colour and so does EVERYONE else! Why can't I be an individual without persecution? Maybe one day I want to dress as Auron from Final Fantasy 10, what's wrong with that?

4) NT Facebook An amazing wall of astonishing amount of narcissism, self and public deception and constant bitching and rumours about people they label as friends. Plus 400+ friends? And yet you talk face to face with only 3. Really that is only 3 friends and 400+ acquaintances.

5) Anyone that tells me my ASD symptoms aren't as bad as X or can be overcome with Y. "Oh you're just shy, you'll be fine with a couple of drinks." If I had a pound for everytime I've heard this I could retire.

obviously this is not isolated to NTs (though I am yet to experience any of these from a single person with ASD) but there maybe people ASD out there that have narcissistic facebook pages with monuments to themselves with duckface pics everywhere. (Shudder)

NT's who put up an album on Facebook showing where they went on holiday. But instead of seeing pictures of delicious landscapes, it is all cluttered with themselves and their friends in various silly poses.

Why on earth would I want to see your face in various positions?!

Also, what is the point of going away when you don't appreciate the new scenery around you?!

NT's who put up an album on Facebook showing where they went on holiday. But instead of seeing pictures of delicious landscapes, it is all cluttered with themselves and their friends in various silly poses.

Why on earth would I want to see your face in various positions?!

Also, what is the point of going away when you don't appreciate the new scenery around you?!

Wow... disagree... Having the RIGHT NTs in your life can be a fulfilling and enriching experience... I have several of them that I have formed decades long relationships with.

I have been asked out, and it was quite flattering. I really liked it.
I don't think that guys always have to ask out girls.. (AND I don't think that is was "emasculating" to be asked out..)

Offering things to others "just to be polite" and really meaning for them to figure out they're "just being polite" and refuse the offer.

Some people just offer you things or do you favors as a test to see if you will turn it down so they will know what kind of person you are. If you turn it down, it means you don't rely on others nor take advantage, if you accept the offer they give you, it means you take advantage of people and rely on others.

Also I see nothing to offer just to be polite. What is wrong with that? If they are doing it for a test I already described above which I call a game, then I hate that.

Also what I hate is when someone says you don't have to do something and they expect the opposite from you meaning they do want you to do it. I don't get it. Is this also a game they play? Is this also a test they do to see how thoughtful you are and how nice? Sometimes I wonder if this is what my ex boyfriend was doing when he told me "You don't have to take me with" and got pissed when I went without him and claimed we made a deal. I made no deal. I was just talking and speaking my thoughts out loud to him and made it clear I was unsure. Did he listen? No. He had selective listening is what. He also knew I was literal and he didn't care so he kept talking the way he did and expecting me to get his sarcasm and jokes and double meanings and then would get upset when I would take it seriously. So the reason why I am critical about the words "be yourself" and "be true to yourself."

Men have to act masculine at all times, which to me is stupid beyond belief!

Yeah, I meant when they expect you to refuse the offer and get mad at you if you don't. My aunt will do this sometimes and my mum will tell me later that she was just being polite and really she didn't want me to take it. I guess it is a kind of social game.



I'm not sure if that's a game. It does have to do with taking things too literally. People in my family will do this too. They might say "you don't have to help, only if you want " or "you don't have to come along" or they'll just ask "do you want to do X?" and then laugh if I say "okay ,then I'd rather stay home". My mum will say I don't have to be "that honest" or "so literal" and if it's asking for help she'll just say "that means I want you to help". It's really unfair of your husband to get mad at you for taking those things literally though if he always knew that you had that tendency, IMO.

The problem I have with these expressions is that sometimes they are meant to be taken literally and sometimes they aren't and I don't know when they are. Sometimes people really are asking if you want to go somewhere and sometimes they just expect you to to come and to know that they expect it. If someone says "it's raining cats and dogs" or 'what's up?" then I know they aren't being literal.

After something bad happens, the way people won't talk about it anymore. They will just allude to it indirectly by saying something like "what happened before."

Or there's a twist on this one, the way I was brought up (rural Southern US) when someone offers something you are supposed to turn them down the first time just to be polite. Then if they offer again and you can accept on the second offer.



I hate that one too. And when I say to someone, you don't have to, I REALLY MEAN IT that they don't have to. But they take it like I mean the opposite, like I do expect it. Then they act like I somehow talked them into it.

Sometimes what I have really wanted to say to a person was "I don't WANT you to..." but I knew that would offend them. So instead I would try to hint at it by saying, "You don't have to..." and of course they took it the opposite way like I was saying I wanted them to. Then I am stuck with the person AND they act like I somehow forced them into it. This is so maddening it makes me want to bang my head against the wall.