NT things/Social rules you find stupid or rude?

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mr_bigmouth_502
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20 Jan 2014, 5:26 pm

One thing I can't stand about NT behavior is how many of them have little regard for personal space. I really really really don't like being tapped on the shoulder, or poked, or suddenly touched or grabbed, even if it's just to get my attention. I'm a sensitive guy, and whenever something like that happens it just sounds off all sorts of alarms in my head.

Another thing I don't like about NT behavior is how they often sugarcoat things and beat around the bush. For f***s sakes, if you want to say something, just say it! I'd rather a person be straight up and honest with me, than lie and be deceptive just to try and make me feel better. I hate being lied to, and I always want to know the truth, unless I state otherwise.

Another thing as well, it annoys me how NTs often won't allow me to take pauses when I am trying to say something to them. They just think that if I'm taking a pause to collect my thoughts, that I am done speaking and am willing to listen to them, when really, I am not done speaking, and I am not willing to listen just yet.

One thing that's been a major sticking point to me for many years, has been NT conventions on sleep schedules. I'm not the kind of person who can just fall asleep as soon as it's time to go to bed, and I'm also not the kind of person who can just wake up as soon as its time to. I sleep when I feel like sleeping, and I wake up when I feel like waking up. Setting arbitrary hours is just silly and it doesn't work with my sleep patterns, though I am trying somewhat harder to get up when my alarm clock goes off. I don't know why this is so hard to explain to NTs, but it has been the cause of many struggles between myself, my parents, and other authority figures.

On a similar note, I've noticed that a lot of NTs expect me to simply get down and perform tasks, even if I cannot or do not want to do them. I don't do things unless I know how to do them or there's a big enough reward waiting for me afterwards. I could never understand how people could attempt to do work that they do not know how to do, especially work that doesn't involve any sort of reward. I won't do "busywork", unless it just happens to be something I enjoy doing anyway.

Even though I don't get bothered much about it, I find prolonged eye contact to feel rather awkward and creepy, and it just feels much more natural to me to talk to someone without looking "through" them.

There's probably more, but I can't think of any off the top of my head at the moment.



Last edited by mr_bigmouth_502 on 20 Jan 2014, 5:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

ScottyD
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20 Jan 2014, 5:32 pm

UndeadToaster wrote:
Meaningless small talk and fishing for compliments are the main things that annoy me and I may or may not be NT, but I also agree with pretty much everything already stated.


"Fishing" for compliments - as if they want to catch something: yuck!!

They want/expect people to say something to them that will make them feel better about themselves. So it's just the need for them to feel good about themselves, under the deluded impression that they made a correct choice. Such as buying that outfit they want to be told is nice, to reinforce their own opinion, rather than the hideous waste of money that it really is for something that really doesn't look nice on them at all. They're not about seeking the truth. When someone asks me a question, my instinct is to provide an honest and truthful answer that answers the question. These people, though, they want to feel good. But if they didn't want an answer to their question, then why ask it? (Answer to that is: they asked it to make themselves feel good.) My purpose in asking a question is to obtain a correct, accurate or truthful answer to my question, rather than to seek to make me feel good. (I already feel good, as I don't need to rest in delusions and my greater knowledge of the truth makes me feel good.)



ScottyD
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20 Jan 2014, 5:55 pm

dianthus wrote:
I buy most things in bulk or multiple quantities so I don't have to go back to the store as often, or so I can take advantage of sale prices, or just because I am picky and only like certain things. I just think it's bizarre how they find it acceptable to comment on some things and not others. I mean for instance if I am buying bulk toilet paper, they would never say, wow how often do you have to use the toilet? But they think it's fine to ask why I am buying multiples of the same food or clothing item, and act like it is strange, or to ask how many cats I have when I buy cat food.


The problem with that (from the NT approach) is that that is rational behaviour, you see, to stock up at the cheapest price. Whereas NTs behave irrationally (in economic theory terms) and just throw into the cart/shopping trolley whatever they need as and when they run out of it. And pay over the odds on nearly all of it.

As regards toilet paper vs cat food, it's the NT reading into it an implication behind it than you never intended, based on their own social conventions.

But - not to worry - you're the one who is not wasting money and you are the one buying more wisely (whilst NTs aren't 'wise' in this respect).

Nonetheless, there can be a fine line - for example if you are stocking up on stuff beyond what you will actually need or use or, in the case of perishable or expiry-date stuff, buying more simply because it is on offer and ending up wasting some of it. Sometimes these sorts of things (buying multiple quantities and stocking up) can get out of hand and become an obsession and, if it's part of one of our Asperger obsessive interests, can sometimes, in that area, become problematic. If however you are more Asperger obsession than OCD obsession, I think it more likely the Asperger rationality will then take over and act as a brake or reverse to stop it getting obsessive (to the sense of hoarding and wasting stuff that goes way out of date to be unusable). Whereas OCD, I imagine, might be more problematic, though it is not clear cut - as, for example, people can have both AS and OCD at the same time. If you are truthfully buying wisely, it may not be an obsession and I myself may be reading more into it than in fact exists! Certainly, NTs who don't buy in the way you do (for example stocking up, but within reason, at sale prices) are irrational in my view and they are the ones who are paying for that - more fool them!



dianthus
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20 Jan 2014, 6:10 pm

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
Another thing as well, it annoys me how NTs often won't allow me to take pauses when I am trying to say something to them. They just think that if I'm taking a pause to collect my thoughts, that I am done speaking and am willing to listen to them, when really, I am not done speaking, and I am not willing to listen just yet.


YES...exactly...this is a huge frustration for me. Why can't they recognize or respect the pause I am taking?!

ScottyD wrote:
Sometimes these sorts of things (buying multiple quantities and stocking up) can get out of hand and become an obsession and, if it's part of one of our Asperger obsessive interests, can sometimes, in that area, become problematic. If however you are more Asperger obsession than OCD obsession, I think it more likely the Asperger rationality will then take over and act as a brake or reverse to stop it getting obsessive (to the sense of hoarding and wasting stuff that goes way out of date to be unusable).


Yes it can be problematic. Hoarding is a trait that runs in my family. I am careful not to stock up on things excessively. When things go to waste, it is usually because my sense of taste suddenly changes and I can't eat the same food anymore.



mr_bigmouth_502
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20 Jan 2014, 8:08 pm

One thing I don't like is when NTs do or say stupid/irresponsible things just for the sake of "joking around". I mean, there's a time and a place to kid around, but I really don't like it when people mess with me while I'm trying to focus on something.



opal
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21 Jan 2014, 12:22 am

dianthus wrote:

I buy most things in bulk or multiple quantities so I don't have to go back to the store as often, or so I can take advantage of sale prices, or just because I am picky and only like certain things. I just think it's bizarre how they find it acceptable to comment on some things and not others. I mean for instance if I am buying bulk toilet paper, they would never say, wow how often do you have to use the toilet? But they think it's fine to ask why I am buying multiples of the same food or clothing item, and act like it is strange, or to ask how many cats I have when I buy cat food.

And I have heard that some people are embarrassed to buy large packages of toilet paper? is that an NT thing??? I don't see why anyone would be embarrassed. We all have to piss and sh** sometime and everyone knows it, it's not like it's a big secret.

.

Yeah I also find this weird. If I find an item of clothing I like, and fits, and is flattering, dependant on how much money I have, I buy 2 or 3.
Slightly off topic, I once heard a guy speak about this weird quirk of psychology, wherin a smoker will only buy one pack of fags at a time. Weird! I mean he's going to need another pack tomorrow, or the next day, but instead of buying 3 packs, or a carton, and getting a discount; he buys a pack a day - everyday. The speaker thought it might be part of trying to convince himself he wasn't addicted. I'm not sure how one can connect this to the toilet paper though: Perhaps they are expecting a bout of constipation? :lol:



opal
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21 Jan 2014, 12:29 am

I hate their lack of theory of mind, or flexibility of mind; whatever you want to call it. I get really frustrated and peeved when they make assumptions and/ project their worst motives and intentions on to me - because that is how they would act in the situation. Connected to this is hypocrisy - often they have behaved in a certain way (often with purely selfish motives) but have no problem lashing out when I (or when they THINK I )exhibit the same behaviour.



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21 Jan 2014, 12:54 am

StarTrekker wrote:
As for NT rules that bother me, the small talk thing seems really stupid, I don't know why people can't just start conversations about things that are actually interesting, why is it considered polite to bore people for the first hour or so of their meeting you by discussing the weather or what celebreties have been up to?


As one who walks amongst NTs I can answer this. When people greet each other it is important to determine the trajectory or content of the conversation by first determining the mood or demeanor of the other person. There is no point hitting the other person with facts and figures if their mother just died or they just lost all their money on the horse races. Small talk is an established way that two or more people can determine the mood before talking in detail.

StarTrekker wrote:
I also don't like the mandated eye contact; why should I be thought less of or found creepy because I'm unable to talk and stare at someone at the same time?


Eye contact is cultural, people of northern European extraction and/or individualistic societies tend to use eye contact, again it's functional in that you pick up the mood of the other person by looking into their eyes...



Dan_Undiagnosed
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02 Feb 2014, 5:21 am

Expecting others to take part in what you see as pointless rituals (christmas, birthdays etc). I do celebrate other people's birthdays out of politeness but like when mine slips by unnoticed. Well that never happens but as unnoticed as possible.



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02 Feb 2014, 6:06 am

Oooooooooo man I was hoping there was gonna be a thread with this question (I'm new)

I have millions of gripes against NTs social rules but I'll give you my top 5:

1) "Just kidding" Get away with everything statement. "You have an ugly face! I'm just kidding!" This one bugs me. Rather than openly say what you're thinking and hopefully resolve some kind of issue within a social relationship most people tend to throw a statement in and then immediately retract it in such away that makes YOU look like the bad guy by confronting it.

2) "Just be yourself......why are you acting weird? Why are you doing that? OMG you need a haircut!" The greatest lie ever told!

3) Related to the one above: This is what you have to wear with this colour and so does EVERYONE else! Why can't I be an individual without persecution? Maybe one day I want to dress as Auron from Final Fantasy 10, what's wrong with that?

4) NT Facebook An amazing wall of astonishing amount of narcissism, self and public deception and constant bitching and rumours about people they label as friends. Plus 400+ friends? And yet you talk face to face with only 3. Really that is only 3 friends and 400+ acquaintances.

5) Anyone that tells me my ASD symptoms aren't as bad as X or can be overcome with Y. "Oh you're just shy, you'll be fine with a couple of drinks." If I had a pound for everytime I've heard this I could retire.

obviously this is not isolated to NTs (though I am yet to experience any of these from a single person with ASD) but there maybe people ASD out there that have narcissistic facebook pages with monuments to themselves with duckface pics everywhere. (Shudder)



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02 Feb 2014, 9:28 am

NT's who put up an album on Facebook showing where they went on holiday. But instead of seeing pictures of delicious landscapes, it is all cluttered with themselves and their friends in various silly poses.

Why on earth would I want to see your face in various positions?!

Also, what is the point of going away when you don't appreciate the new scenery around you?!



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02 Feb 2014, 9:29 am

NT's who put up an album on Facebook showing where they went on holiday. But instead of seeing pictures of delicious landscapes, it is all cluttered with themselves and their friends in various silly poses.

Why on earth would I want to see your face in various positions?!

Also, what is the point of going away when you don't appreciate the new scenery around you?!



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19 Mar 2014, 11:24 am

LiamRodgers wrote:
Generally speaking, NTs aren't worth getting to know better. Your better off spending time developing your interests into skills that can get you employment in the future.

Wow... disagree... Having the RIGHT NTs in your life can be a fulfilling and enriching experience... I have several of them that I have formed decades long relationships with.


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TyrannosaurusAsh
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19 Mar 2014, 1:56 pm

LastSanityJermaine wrote:
Men have to ask out or propose to a woman and never the other way around.


I have been asked out, and it was quite flattering. I really liked it.
I don't think that guys always have to ask out girls.. (AND I don't think that is was "emasculating" to be asked out..)



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19 Mar 2014, 2:05 pm

Offering things to others "just to be polite" and really meaning for them to figure out they're "just being polite" and refuse the offer.