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accountinglad
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20 Jan 2014, 4:52 pm

I met this girl at a catholic retreat centre back in July . I really like her and think about her a lot and whenever I check my Facebook it is her that mainly posts statuses . I spoke to her once on Facebook in around August asking how she was but I didn't ask anything else as I did not want to come across as creepy .
What should I say to her ? How would I eventually ask her out ? ( I live in London she lives in kent )



MadeUnderground
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20 Jan 2014, 5:23 pm

Wait so you're saying the last time you spoke to her was in August? Like, 5 months ago, August? :?



Fogpatrol
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20 Jan 2014, 9:55 pm

Did she answer back when you talked to her on Facebook? You use the word "obssessed", if you really hard obsessed with her you should try your best to stop tinking about her because it's unhealthy to be obssessed with anybody. Been there done that, couldnt care less about her now.



GreenhouseGashes
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20 Jan 2014, 11:07 pm

accountinglad wrote:
I met this girl at a catholic retreat centre back in July . I really like her and think about her a lot and whenever I check my Facebook it is her that mainly posts statuses . I spoke to her once on Facebook in around August asking how she was but I didn't ask anything else as I did not want to come across as creepy .
What should I say to her ? How would I eventually ask her out ? ( I live in London she lives in kent )


Sorry, I don't know how far away London is from Kent.

Do you comment on her statuses? That might be a great way to give her a better sense of who you are, and why she might want to initiate more intimacy with you, herself.

What do you like about her? Telling her what you see and appreciate about her, as you notice it, is going to be more effective (perhaps without asking anything of her) than cold-calling her, so to speak, and asking her if she wants to be your girl.



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21 Jan 2014, 1:00 am

How about sending her another message on facebook telling her you'd logged in recently and read a few of her updates in your newsfeed, which got you thinking about her, and you're messaging now to see if she might like to get together sometime for a coffee/tea/drinks/dinner date because you'd like to get to know her better. (Use the word date if you don't want her to get anything but a clear signal that you're interested in her. I heard this dating advice on the radio recently and it makes sense to me.)

Avoid telling her you've been thinking about her non-stop for months. Obsession would likely be perceived as creepy.

London to Kent, according to google maps, is only a 1 hour drive. If you have a car to drive, that's not that long/far to go to meet someone you're interested in. Not by our standards here, anyways. I know car/driving culture is different in your neck of the woods.. but here, I just drove that distance/time from visiting one friend to go hang out with another at his work for last call before heading back 3/4 of that distance home to sleep. I'd easily drive that far for a date if I were "obsessed," with finding out if there were a relationship spark with someone I was interested in. There's also a bus that goes between the two cities in just over an hour, so transportation might not be ultra convenient - but it's not impossible.. heck, when I was working downtown Vancouver (42min drive according to google, but that's only when there's no rush hour) it would take me 2 hours to get there by bus & train, and 3-4 hours to get home at night depending on bus connections and how far I had to walk. So, to have a bus that will get you there nearly as quickly as driving a car is pretty sweet.


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accountinglad
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21 Jan 2014, 5:58 am

Her posts are aimed at her close friends i suppose i could give that a go



accountinglad
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21 Feb 2014, 4:14 am

i sent her a message when i was drunk saying" your awesome" then she said "thank you you too" then i said "I was being serious I was so not drunk" then she replied "haha ok"
i just dont have the courage to ask her out or do not know what so say



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21 Feb 2014, 4:46 am

That was a positive response that you received from her. Now muster up the courage and ask her out.
I would fly to another country, to go on a date with someone that I found myself, attracted to.
Much success to you-



accountinglad
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21 Feb 2014, 7:53 am

Was she just being polite / sarcastic ?



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21 Feb 2014, 9:52 pm

This is sort of a dumb thing to say to a fellow aspie, but I will say it, anyway; Don't over-think it. Don't try to figure out whether or not she was being sarcastic. I know, easier said than done, especially since I am the queen of over-thinking/analyzing, etcetera. Her initial response to your comment "you're awesome", was very positive. She easily could have just said; "Thank you", however, she took it a step farther and gave you the same compliment, in return. If I were not open to receiving a comment/compliment from you, such as the one that you offered her, I would have responded with nothing more than 'thank you'. I am female/speaking from a 'female' point of view, in case it helps to know, in terms of putting your trust in my words of encouragement to you. Oh, and if you care for additional words of wisdom, try to avoid making contact with her, while you are intoxicated. At least in the initial stages of your quest. : ) Best wishes!



Last edited by delaSHANE on 23 Feb 2014, 4:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

Erwin
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22 Feb 2014, 6:20 pm

delaSHANE wrote:
This is sort of a dumb thing to say to a fellow aspie, but I will say it, anyway; Don't over-think it. Don't try to figure out whether or not she was being sarcastic. I know, easier said than done, especially since I am the queen of over-thinking/analyzing, etcetera. Her initial response to your comment "you're awesome", was very positive. She easily could have just said; "Thank you", however, she took it a step farther and gave you the same compliment, in return. If I were not open to receiving a comment/compliment from you, such as the one that you offered her, I would have responded with nothing more than 'thank you'. I am female, if it helps to know, in terms of putting your trust in my words of encouragement to you. Oh, and if you care for additional words of wisdom, try to avoid making contact with her, while you are intoxicated. At least in the initial stages of your quest. : ) Best wishes!

It's not true love if there's anxiety or doubt. In the current case, I don't think they're intoxicated. So anyway, "overthinking it" is normal. Too normal. Don't think less of yourself for it, you're doing it for a reason. (read in a furious tone)



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22 Feb 2014, 8:34 pm

Erwin wrote:
delaSHANE wrote:
This is sort of a dumb thing to say to a fellow aspie, but I will say it, anyway; Don't over-think it. Don't try to figure out whether or not she was being sarcastic. I know, easier said than done, especially since I am the queen of over-thinking/analyzing, etcetera. Her initial response to your comment "you're awesome", was very positive. She easily could have just said; "Thank you", however, she took it a step farther and gave you the same compliment, in return. If I were not open to receiving a comment/compliment from you, such as the one that you offered her, I would have responded with nothing more than 'thank you'. I am female, if it helps to know, in terms of putting your trust in my words of encouragement to you. Oh, and if you care for additional words of wisdom, try to avoid making contact with her, while you are intoxicated. At least in the initial stages of your quest. : ) Best wishes!

It's not true love if there's anxiety or doubt. In the current case, I don't think they're intoxicated. So anyway, "overthinking it" is normal. Too normal. Don't think less of yourself for it, you're doing it for a reason. (read in a furious tone)


Could you perhaps clarify the meaning of what you have stated. I don't think I understand, however, I do wish to.
In addition, will you explain the reason that your statement should be read "in a furious tone"? Perhaps it is not of significance or value to you, that I do understand your statement, however, since you have quoted me, I thought I would at least make an attempt to do so,out of courtesy.



Erwin
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23 Feb 2014, 12:52 am

delaSHANE wrote:
Erwin wrote:
delaSHANE wrote:
This is sort of a dumb thing to say to a fellow aspie, but I will say it, anyway; Don't over-think it. Don't try to figure out whether or not she was being sarcastic. I know, easier said than done, especially since I am the queen of over-thinking/analyzing, etcetera. Her initial response to your comment "you're awesome", was very positive. She easily could have just said; "Thank you", however, she took it a step farther and gave you the same compliment, in return. If I were not open to receiving a comment/compliment from you, such as the one that you offered her, I would have responded with nothing more than 'thank you'. I am female, if it helps to know, in terms of putting your trust in my words of encouragement to you. Oh, and if you care for additional words of wisdom, try to avoid making contact with her, while you are intoxicated. At least in the initial stages of your quest. : ) Best wishes!

It's not true love if there's anxiety or doubt. In the current case, I don't think they're intoxicated. So anyway, "overthinking it" is normal. Too normal. Don't think less of yourself for it, you're doing it for a reason. (read in a furious tone)


Could you perhaps clarify the meaning of what you have stated. I don't think I understand, however, I do wish to.
In addition, will you explain the reason that your statement should be read "in a furious tone"? Perhaps it is not of significance or value to you, that I do understand your statement, however, since you have quoted me, I thought I would at least make an attempt to do so,out of courtesy.

The only part to consider provable enough is the part where I say "overthinking" is normal. But thank you for an understanding reply.



accountinglad
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23 Feb 2014, 1:59 pm

I'm anxious / doubtfull as I've never asked a girl out or been on a date . Don't know how to ask , where to take her on a date and how to act on a date .



Erwin
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24 Feb 2014, 1:31 am

accountinglad wrote:
I'm anxious / doubtfull as I've never asked a girl out or been on a date . Don't know how to ask , where to take her on a date and how to act on a date .

Perhaps you're not supposed to? If you're anxious like this, it isn't true love anyway so no worries. Like, you're anxious the same way about commiting suicide. Perhaps you're not really even interested and are just doing it for the sake of having a girlfriend? I started to see this happen to myself when I'm not that into the girl. Even if they're the ones who would do anything for me. I see it as general anxiety experienced with the opposite sex. It happens to both of you since the two genders live in separate packs and feel awkward around each other. I could be wrong about the true love part but the anxiety level is definetly low there.